;

H e y. Life is short, so we gotta make the most out of it. Even though mine is so damn b o r i n g, I see it as an adventure. All I need is myself, my dreams, some hope, and inspiration. Got no clue where I'm heading. Screw maps, screw directions. I'm going my own way. -yellowberry- <3

[blog0284723]

(Why are people following this blog)

[blog0284723]

Some classes and teachers act like they want to "stimulate creativity" by allowing the students to make their own decisions on how to complete an assignment and such and such, and they over-glorify how liberating their ways are. But in the end everything is still graded based on a rubric and there are requirements and this and that and when you look at it from the big picture, it's not liberating at all. They aren't actually looking for the most interesting, original, creative piece of work; they're looking for the one that meets every one of their bullet points. They want creativity and individualism portrayed in the assignment--but only to a certain extent. Which is more confining than ever. Everything has to be given just the right amount of, or it's marked as 'no good' and tossed away. 

Why can't they just be straight-up, and be like: yo, just follow the rubric and read your books and do things just right so we can give y'all a good grade. If the book doesn't mention it, don't even try it. Follow the rules, don't think outside the box, hell, don't even think at the corner of the box, you gotta be damn right straight in the center. 

I think that'd be more helpful. If they were just straight up. Instead of being all, "Do things the way you want to, we don't want to promote conformity no sir no ma'am!" and then giving us bad grades when we do things a little too different for their tastes. Like, what the hell is that? I see that the teachers, as open-minded as they present themselves, don't actually want their students wandering off of that little area labeled "normal", so why can't they just be honest about it? What's the use of giving us that taste of freedom and then making us learn the rules the hard way? 

But I guess the funnier thing is, they don't even know they're doing it, probably. That's probably why they are teachers, and not insane reclusive artists living in caves with bears and lions because they're so sick of humanity and its undying fascination of social norms. The truth is, teachers are obsessed with rules, and no one should be fooled otherwise. 

[blog0284723]

lol hi

I don't know what I'm doing lol. I try to organize myself but it doesn't work.

I feel like when I'm trying to be as organized and composed and constant as possible, I end up just being.. fake. 

So now I just want to be weird and spontaneous and shit. Because in the end that's the real me, right?

[blog0284723]

I wish I could blog like I used to again.

When I could blog for myself and my life without making everything sound so cliche all the time. I've gotten into following a lot of writing blogs, but to be honest, only a very few of them are actually original. Honestly, I follow several people just to have them fill up my dashboard, though the words they post are just recycled over and over again on tumblr. I no longer feel anything when reading them anymore, I can't even relate to the things they say. I'm talking about that, because recently I've been trying to express myself through text posts, but everything I try to type sounds ridiculously reused and unoriginal. And I stop to think to myself, who am I really blogging for now? Myself? I want to believe that. I don't know though. Knowing that someone could come across my post on their dashboard and read it, I feel scared and too aware. I can't say everything I feel anymore. When I complain about my life, I feel petty and annoying. When I write about my day, I feel that no one cares. And no one does care, lol, why should it matter to me though? 

I can't even express myself the way I want to anymore. Which is why I came back here. It's better here. I like it here. Maybe I should just stay. 

[blog0284723]

But sometimes I just feel more comfortable when I'm alone. 

[blog0284723]

Woah. 

I haven't been on this blog in forever. 

But I might want to come back. Just because. I hate everybody. 

When I get in that mood I just want to post on here, for some reason. 

This is the only place where I honestly don't give a shit how anyone is judging me. 

[blog0284723]

you remind me of myself. its frustrating isn't it? :(oh, and i just figured out how to access your "ask" since you don't have it on your page....

Ahhhh, this is probably really late, sorryyy I haven't checked this blog in ages, seriously-- but thankyou for the message! It seriously means a lot to me to know I'm not alone, lol. So thanks :3 

I actually made a new personal blog, so I probs won't be posting on here anymore. Idk why, but this blog just kind of died on me.. so sorry again if you thought i was ignoring you D:

[blog0284723]

seriously, though?

it will kill me. 

i will hit the ball and it'll go like no where, or probs bounce back and fly into my face or something, and i will die. die of embarrassment. 

[blog0284723]

"JUST HIT THE BALL, IT'S NOT GOING TO KILL YOU."

IT IS GOING TO KILL ME FKDLFJDLKJ YOU STUPID GYM TEACHERS DON'T FRIKIN UNDERSTAND. LOOK AT YOU ALL SUPER SPORTY AND SHIT STANDIN AROUND ALL HIGH AND MIGHTY OK OK LOOK VOLLEYBALL IS DANGEROUS AS FREAKK LIKE I KNOW IT HURTS LIKE HELL EVERYTIME I HIT A VOLLEYBALL OK LIKE ONE OF THESE DAYS IT'S GONNA HIT MY ARM SO HARD ITS GONNA POP A BLOOD VESSEL OR SOMETHING AND ILL BE BLEEDING AND STUFF AND HYPERVENTILATING AND THE PAIN WILL KNOCK ME UNCONSCIOUS AND I'LL FALL OVER AND HIT MY HEAD ON THE STUPID HARD GYM FLOOR AND THERE'LL BE MORE BLOOD SO MUCH BLOOD AND I'LL BE LYING THERE DYING WHAT THEN HUH WAHT THEN? STUPID TEACHER. 

[this--too--shall--pass]

[iraffiruse]

[blog0284723]

lolol, how true. 

[blog0284723]

I hardly ever forget.

So half the time, when I say "I forgot", most likely I'm lying. 

[blog0284723]

I'm not making any sense.

okay so it's no big deal. something just happened. on tumblr.

okay no. nothing happened, i just realized something. i noticed before but now it's all taken care of. but still.. eh. i can't talk about it for a reason that has to do with this. if that makes sense.

i'm so stupid. -headdesk- why didn't i do something earlier?

yknow maybe it's better this way. whatever. 

[blog0284723]

i hope uh.

uhh.

damn.

[blog0284723]

so what now?

[blog0284723]

my dream, in the end, was really just to be loved. to fit in. to be able to have people around me. to be happy. 

[stupidcreations]

[blog0284723]

stupidcreations:

What sucks is; Waking up alone every morning. Feeling the heartache every second of they day because you know the person you desire to be with is either taken or doesn’t even know you exist. Eagerly Waiting for the moment your whole life changes for the better, When you finally don’t have to feel...

most of this applies to me.