[blogger1011]

It should disgust you when someone isn't sure of you. When they want you sometimes. Or only parts of you, not all of you. It should make you feel violently ill to spend a second thinking about or spending time with someone who doesn't completely and utterly VALUE you. And RESPECT YOU. And want you in their life. All of you. And feel LUCKY that you are there with them. And CARE ABOUT YOU. The same way you care about them. You will never settle for crumbs again once you realize that you just.. don't have to. "Take it or leave it," their actions, their inaction and apathy will tell you. So leave it. They can take their crumbs and fuck off. You deserve more. You deserve the whole cake and some fucking candles too.

[thesweetiepienovels]

Actually, you are enough. Even if you don’t work. Or study. Or go out. Or have friends. Or have family. You’re enough because you exist and your existence is enough to be enough because you are not a product. You are not a sum of output. You are not a task to complete. But because you are something the universe wanted and put here even if you’ll never understand why. Somewhere in the cosmos your existence makes a difference, even if it’s not the way others existences do.

[blogger1011]

Grief is like a truck which makes no noise and is invisible until it is a breath away. You can never sidestep. You can never get away. It will always hit you. You will always be maimed.

[blogger1011]

Oh how I missed your voice. How I missed talking to you. How I missed laughing with you. How I missed every little detail. How I missed the world we created. How I missed your persistence. How I missed your attention. How I missed you.

[blogger1011]

You know what, if we're meant to be, we will be. Intuitively, I know right now is probably not the right time if that even makes sense. But we could take fifty detours and make a thousand bad decisions and yet we will make our way back to each other if that is what is written in the stars.

[blogger1011]

The way I love you and probably will always do. And what do we do with that now?

[blogger1011]

I'm rereading everything you said today and just crying. I don't have words, anymore. I know I said too much once. Now, I just have tears. We made a beautiful promise. I kept saying I won't say goodbye to you and here you were, saying bye for now. God. I have to give it to the universe for this curveball. And if it turns out to be goodbye and not a see you again, what a beautiful way to hope nonetheless. The hold this boy has on me needs to be studied by some research institute at this point.

[blogger1011]

I'm expecting you at my door, flowers in hand, that winning smile of yours meant just for me. I'm expecting your hand extended for mine. I'm expecting your words said so softly that they could only be meant for me. I'm expecting love from you. I'm expecting kisses. I'm expecting your eyes to search for mine every single day and find me there. I'm expecting us to find each other. I'm expecting us together in every universe. I'm expecting this story to finally begin right out of the ashes of what once was. I'm expecting to write to you my whole life. I'm expecting so much for us that I cannot even fathom the extent of it just yet. I'm expecting to tell you someday.

[blogger1011]

It is so scary. Falling in love. Giving the person in front of you complete control over your heart. They could shatter it into a million pieces. To the point that it would never be whole again even if you could collect most of the pieces and glue them together. And yet I keep taking the chance. 'Cause what if it works out? Because I know in my bones that love is everything it is chalked up to be. And for that, I would absolutely risk it all. And yet, I cannot stop being scared. And simultaneously, I cannot stop falling. Nor would I want to.

[blogger1011]

What if I don't use words? What if I let my feelings flow right into your arms? What if I let you read my eyes? What if I let you see me smile at you at unexpected moments? What if I let the world see me marvel at the wonder you are when you are blissfully lost in living? What if I dream of you? What if I let you pervade my being because that is the way I know how to love? What if I don't use words this time? What if I just continue asking questions to know you better and love you the way I think you deserve to be loved? What if I hold you tight and close and with everything in me? What if I kiss you with the intensity that previously only my words have carried? What if I refuse to use words altogether? What if I lean my head on your shoulder and feel your warmth on my cheek? What if I hug you just to see my hands encompass what seems like my home? What if I hold your face and pull you to me because there's no way I am willing to let you go? What if I look straight into your eyes and let you see my soul even though I am afraid of what you might find? What if I have got no words left? What if I let the silence speak this time around? What if I dim the lights and we continue to look into each other's eyes in a solitary warm yellow glow which is more than enough? What if we share the same breaths until our heartbeats sync? What if we keep on walking like this in complete harmony? What if you match your pace with mine? What if we keep on dancing, each step new, to our own music? What if we let the world speak because silence is the language we are now fluent in? What if we go beyond words this time? What if? What if?

[remanence-of-love]

[blogger1011]

I think I'm wasting my time. I'm afraid that I'm wasting my time. I think I won't be able to feel that way again. I'm afraid I'll never be loved. Truly loved. The way I loved you. I don't know what the future might bring. I'm afraid it won't be you and me. I think it won't be. I don't know what I think. I don't know anything anymore.

[blogger1011]

The way I loved you lingers so insistently that I cannot help but wonder if we are endgame. The way you made my world go round is incomparable to any other feeling. I don't know what to think but I just know that I cannot stop thinking about you. And I know I shot you down. But why did you let me go that easily? Where is the fight? The effort? The intention? Where are you? I miss you. And it's so wrong on so many levels. But some part of me misses you immensely. Maybe it always will.

[blogger1011]

It's so stupid and it's the most real thing I have ever felt. You are not leaving. Why aren't you leaving?

[blogger1011]

My heartbeat is all I feel. Thoughts are quietened with how loud the heart echoes. I hate this. I hate this.

[blogger1011]

I just promised these very new boots that I just bought that I'll give them a better experience next time is a level of sad I don't know how I will get over

[blogger1011]

Dear God, Dear Universe,

You know what I asked today. Please grant it. I know I have made wishes like these before and it always turned out that your judgement was better than mine. But please. Just this once. I need this wish granted.