Blogger Mate

[bloggingmatelove]

Loving fast

When I fall, i don’t just stumble, I completely and utterly break my face, couldn’t catch myself fall. It, by far has to be my biggest weakness. I don’t see myself as a weak individual but I do tend to keep my heart open and most of the time I regret it. My love life is non existent but I am always looking.

I wish I could just turn it off, be enough for myself, and enjoy the moment.

One of my favorite quotes I’ve ever written has to be when I was heartbroken over a person. A person who had no knowledge of my affection towards them.

“My heart hurts for things it’s never felt. Full with loneliness it overflows, overwhelming”

[l0v3-r3v9]

a concept: cockwarming with noah after he comes back from the gym. he’s tired as hell but also really fucking hard, so when he crawls into bed and kisses you in greeting, asking you if youre up for it, you instantly spread your legs for him and smile to yourself when he pushes your panties down and sinks into you.

noah’s tired, but you’re wet and warm and your walls are gripping his cock so nicely that he thrusts into you one or two times just to get a little friction. which leads to a few more. and then finally, he grumbles and lifts your leg up a little bit, allowing him to roll his hips into your ass, drawing a well anticipated mewl from your lips and a sigh from his own.

[bloggingmatelove]

Keep falling in ditches

For the past 2 months I have kept up a decent schedule of working out 5 times a week. Now for the past 2 weeks it’s been getting harder and harder to workout everyday. I have been vegan now for a little over 7 months and I love it. I hope I can keep that commitment to working out.

It need to become a habit and lifestyle and so far it hasn’t been that. I need to learn to start committed and that no matter what I can’t just not do it.

I can’t choose when to be vegan I am vegan all the time. I can’t choose when to be fit. I am fit all the time.

[sniperdolans-deactivated2017103]

Ethan and Grayson as Boyfriends Would Include

Ethan

✰ Being the “low key couple”

✰Ethan not being big on PDA outside of the house, but when it’s just the both of you, he can’t keep his hands off of you

✰Don’t get me wrong he’ll still grab your ass in public though

✰ Him being super protective over you

✰Playing video games together

✰ Him occasionally letting you win

✰ Playfully insulting each other

✰ Butterfly kisses

✰ Long makeout sessions

✰Roasting people together

✰Generally just being savages

✰wheezing at his shitty jokes

✰ pulling allnighters together constantly

✰Late night “adventure walks”

✰Little surprise dates

✰ Him teaching you how to skateboard

✰ Spoiling you as well

✰ Playing with his hair all of the time

✰ Forcing him to grow his hair long again

✰Long roadtrips, with just the both of you

✰Hiking together

✰Embarrassing him all the time

✰Ethan attempting to cook for you, and end up burning the entire house down

✰Going to grocery stores together and being the loudest people in the building

✰ Piggyback rides

✰ Lazy days would consist of finishing entire tv series together

✰ Playing with his hands

✰Musical jam sessions together

✰Hugging him from behind

✰Him resting his head and cuddling into your boobs

✰ Cute couple instagram and snapchat pictures

✰Stealing all of his hoodies because they smelled like him

✰Making his baby picture your homescreen

✰Rap battles

✰Going to themeparks together

✰ Being his entire world

Grayson

✰Being the “Clingy Couple”

✰Literally Grayson would not want to leave your side, ever

✰ Working out together 

✰ Him getting jealous over literally everything that isn’t him

✰”Baby he’s gonna steal you from me!”

✰”Gray, he’s five that’s illegal.”

✰Surfing dates all the time

✰Little surprise beach picnics

✰Ethan third wheeling you constantly

✰I feel like Graysons more of the romantic one all the way around

✰ little surprise gifts

✰ spoiling you all of the time, even though you tell him not to

✰ dad jokes

✰Getting matching tattoos together

✰Him always kissing your cheek

✰Hoding doors open for you

✰“ If you were a vegetable you’d be a cute cumber”

✰ “GRAYSON STOP”

✰ cooking together, ending up in a food fight every time

✰ grilling “hotdogs” together

✰ him being completely whipped

✰ Like he’d drop everything for you, example if you were walking

✰Gray falling asleep on your lap

✰ You being his homescreen

✰ Him “serenading you” with a bad rendition of your favorite song

✰Cuddling all of the time

✰Long hugs

✰Him spinning you around

✰Being on his insta/snap story nearly daily

✰Showing you off to literally anyone he meets.

✰Wearing his shirts

✰And him occasionally stealing yours

✰Him treating you like an absolute queen 

✰ or the way Ned from try guys treats his wife same thing

[bloggingmatelove]

Living for the now

Today I saw a video. It talked about how small the problems you have are compared to the big picture. It made me wonder. It made me want to live for the bigger picture. I want to trying a new experience. How often? Well I’m unsure about that, but I want to live for the now! I'll bring my camera of course, because if you did something but didn't capture it did it really happen?

[bloggingmatelove]

Too soon to say

For the last couple of weeks I have been trying to find a dog. As many people know I have severe depression and anxiety. I bring that up because dogs usually calm me down. Bring me back to earth. A couple of months ago I had an amazing dog. Her name was Amber and I got her at my local animal shelter. When I got her she was 8/9 ish years old, was partly blind and a little deaf. I wanted to give her a good home to live the rest of her life. She was an amazing dog and couldn't have asked for more. Unfortunately after a year with us she died peacefully in her sleep. It's been about 4 months since than so I decided to start looking for a new dog. After a some time I found a dog that is perfect for me. She is a pitbull and is a year and 9 months old. Her name is DeVina and I am so happy I could give her a second chance at a good life. Please remember to go to your local animal shelters. Give a good dog a best friend and forever home❤️

[bloggingmatelove]

Indifferent

Life and death. How can someone be so indifferent about these thing? In other words (that mean the same) how can I not care weather I live or die? I have known nothing but depression my whole life. One of the strongest memories has to be the first time I experienced a suicidal thought. I was young and had no idea how the body worked. I only knew I no longer wanted to be in this world. There was no cause for my extreme sadness, my parents were well off, they loved and cared for us, I had good friends, I participated in sports and I was generally happy most of the time. Yet I couldn't help feel the way I did. The first time I attempted suicide, I tried choking myself. I didn't know my own body would fight against itself. The one thing that got me through years and years of depression was my family. I knew they loved me as much as I loved them. I knew that if I lost them I would be lost. They were my anchor, my rock. After all this time I still hold on to them in my worst moments, but it's come to the point where I am indifferent about living or dying. I won't kill myself. No, but if I get in an accident and die. Well it wouldn't be so bad would it?

[bloggingmatelove]

Through the Loop

I haven’t written in a while and I feel like so much has happened. Instead of going through everything in detail and wasting time I give you all Cliff-notes on it. I had to come back home to Maryland because I didn’t have money to stay out in California. Once back a week in and my dog Amber died. I like to think that the world made me come back to love and say good-bye to her. 

I applied to many other banks here in Maryland and have even landed interviews but have not gotten any calls back for them. Of course I will just continue to work at my old job and focus on my acting career. 

Everything happens for a reason and coming back has not discouraged me from knowing that California is where I want to live. For now I am going to save money, build my acting career and go back to my home away from my home.

I don’t plan on being here longer than 6 months and hopefully  I be back soon enough. 

[bloggingmatelove]

Caught by the toe.

When I thought I was going to be buying my ticket home, an amazing thing happened. In my last attempt to find a job I called a retail store (I HATE retail) they scheduled an interview for the next day. 

Skip forward to the next day and I go to my interview. While there I try my hardest not to completely mess up but it doesn't seem to be working. Half way through, the interviewer hasn't written any thing down (not a good sign). Finally realizing this would most likely be my last chance I try to charm the pants off him. 

At the end of the interview I ask him when is the earliest that I will know if I have the job, he told me no later then Thursday. I was already planning my speech for when everyone asked me why I had come back so soon. Then something amazing happened, he called the same day as my interview and told me I was hired but it was only a part time job.

Do I care that I will only be able to work 20 hours a week? Absolutely not, If anything it’s great. I just needed some income to keep me here in California.   

[bloggingmatelove]

Leaving so soon?

Now that I have been in California for a month now it seems I have to go. I’ve been looking for jobs now for a while with no luck. It has come down to choosing between leaving or staying for an extra 15 days.

If you would have asked me this question 2 weeks ago I would have stayed here and fought to stay here. Now after what feels like a lifetime away I think my best option would be to throw in the towel. 

What hasn’t changed in the last 2 weeks? Well for starters I think my perception has changed. Before I was looking at the glass half full and now its way past empty.   

I think I have changed as a person, I’m not a child anymore, I have grown to see the world for what it is. With that being said I might have to go home with my tail between my legs.

[bloggingmatelove]

I met a guy...

No, I don't mean I found the love of my life. I mean I met a guy that I admire. To the point of wishing I was like him. He is young, 19 years old yet he works for a company where he sells property. He is also trying to be an actor. Not unheard of out here in LA, but it's the fact that he is successful and determined, respectfully. I'm sure he has never reached rock bottom yet he strives for excellence in everything he does. His clothes, physical appearance, and jobs they all have one thing in common the best. I've known him for maybe a week and he's charming, funny, and all around a good guy. So why I ask myself can I not get myself to just do one workout for my health. Put 100% into finding a job to at least survive? Was I meant to not succeed?

[bloggingmatelove]

Pushing

As long as I have been in California (which mind you is just a little over 3 weeks) thing have been falling down hill. It's those things that you would think would make you work harder. For me I guess I know that I have a safety net, my family will always be there to catch me if I hit rock bottom. I think I've been too sheltered in my life, things have been handed to me. I know it sounds like I'm complaining that my life has been too good. In reality I know I haven't grown up as a person mentally. I don't want to grow older and not know what failing hard feels like. I will always try not to hit rock bottom but if I do would it be the worst thing? Only two ways to go up or down.

[bloggingmatelove]

Is there a line?

It amazes me how evil humans can be. I mean just astonished really. Sadly recently I had someone pose as a landlord and take my money. Just stop and think of this person for a second. I don’t know anything about this guy but lets say he was a pretty decent guy who just happened to have a family. 

This pretend family he has are happy but suddenly one of his kids falls ill. Now with this news he must make more then what he currently making. He gets a second job maybe even three, yet it’s not enough. Is this reason enough to scam people? 

Can we argue for or against this person? 

Where do we as humans draw this line between right and wrong?  

[bloggingmatelove]

Myself

  The thing that I am constantly asking myself is ‘Who am I?’. It’s a good question to ask yourself. The careers we choose tell us a little about it, among other things. Servers for example are most often  if not always very social. I’ve been a server for many years. I’m not the kind of person who will start a conversation, but I like to think of myself as a person who will continue a conversation. 

  The actions we take as a person evolve us into what we are. Of course we are always changing, never staying the same person for too long. We may be able to stay a little frozen in time but eventually we wake up. I had a time in my life where I was frozen. It happened after breaking up with an ex for the 5th million time. At that time I was graduating from college and didn’t really know what I wanted to do. I had wasted my time studying something I wasn’t passionate about. 

  It was then that I moved back home with my dad and let life just pass me by. At the time I was also going through sever depression and anxiety, but that was not excuse for letting 2 years of my life go by. When I finally came around the first question I asked myself was ‘Who am I?’. I had no idea, to be honest I don’t think I know just yet but I am making strides to figuring it out. 

                                          Are you frozen? 

[bloggingmatelove]

Moving Cross-Country

  I think that from the above title you can sorta guess what this post will be about. Cheeseburgers yup you guessed it. I’m more of a bacon, cheese burger girl myself. It adds that whole new level you didn’t really think you needed but are so happy you got. I think it goes the same with traveling. You don’t NEED to see the world, and with how advanced technology is you can basically see it from your phone, but once you do see it you can’t seem to go back to just regular cheeseburgers. 

  Your eyes are open to that whole new world. Once you get to experience a bit of a different culture, well it’s makes your mind expand. I just recently moved from the East Coast to the West Coast, I’m in Los Angeles, California. When I tell you that the atmosphere, just starting with the people you walk next to are different. Different is an understatement. When I walk next to or across people here in LA they say hi, or start a conversation. It’s BIZARRE, In Baltimore you try not to look at people too much. It’s a sign of conflict, you are staring them down because you want to fight.

  Now I’m not saying everybody is nice out here in LA or that everybody wants to fight in Baltimore, that’s not it at all. It’s the way each state is different. Baltimore is a tough city, they don’t get pushed around, I admire that. I wish I could stand up for myself like people from Baltimore do. People from California are relaxed and go with the flow. Again good qualities to have. I’m tense and over think too much. Moving cross-country really has opened my mind, it has showed me that you as a individual person have to see what fits you better.

                                   What do you like on your burgers?