Field Notes on Healing: Emotional Self-Awareness
Written on October 29th, 2022
It upsets me how I catch myself sometimes wanting to project my pain and trauma unto others just because it's easier to do so. The concept of "pagsusumbat/panunumbat" can often come up during arguments when I could easily upbraid or criticize the other party for the sake of proving a point. I admit this still happens and I'm not proud of it but it's still best to recognize that this is a toxic habit that must be changed.
Even after consuming a bunch of material about healing or spirituality, I am easily still tempted to be reactive especially when the wound cuts deep. My Higher Self knows that my feelings are always valid but I can also recognize the capacity to detach myself from my heightened emotions and see situations from a bigger and broader perspective. This is where emotional self-awareness comes in.
Currently, whenever I'm faced with these intense emotions I ask myself these questions:
What emotion am I feeling?
Why am I feeling this way?
Am I feeling this way because of the current situation or am I projecting a past hurt?
If so, how can I approach this situation better?
Also, how can I heal my inner wounds so I won't react this way again?
Healing, contrary to the media's portrayal of it, is not all "love and light". Most of the time, it's sitting with your feelings and ugly crying on the bed at 3AM while tightly hugging your favorite pillow (or stuffed toy in my case) or perhaps journaling your way through it. The only way is to navigate these sacred feelings and honor them without resorting to inflicting the same wounds on the self or others. In other words, the cycle must end with The Self.
Recognizing the seed of our trauma means going through memories we choose to shut off normally because we're too afraid to confront our shadows. It's about admitting our own red flags in the way we think or act and choosing to take accountability for it. Removing the victim mindset is essential also in this process. That's shadow work. There's no shortcut to healing except to traverse the waters of our emotions and find clarity within.
If you're interested in deep diving into this topic, listen to "How to be Self-Aware" (Oct 2021), a podcast episode by How to Build a Happy Life hosted by Arthur Brooks of The Atlantic.
How about you? How do you handle intense emotions?