A Repressed fucking lesbian

not family friendly, this is a vent account, if you are triggered by anything please don't follow as this is a hell place, might make a seperate poetry account who knows. Profile pic is not mine found on google.

[blue-boy-called-depression]

I've experienced a lot of lesbophobia in my life. Nothing hurt more than when I was in a gay bar, (security felt the need to inform me it was a gay bar) and my friends date told me he thought I was disgusting for being attracted to women, and that I should give men another go. None of the gay men around me said anything in my defence. They seemed confused as to why I was upset.

Or the time I told my manager that a coworker had sexually harassed me while being homophobic, my manager was gay. My homophobic coworker experienced no repercussions and later on got a promotion.

Not all gay men are ignorant of intersectionality. But I have met many white cis gay men who don't understand what it's like to be anybody else in the community, and frankly, they don't care enough to understand.

[blue-boy-called-depression]

My image reflected back at me from the window. It struck me how tired I looked, pale, lips a pale pink and sunken eyes framed with a dark black.

[blue-boy-called-depression]

I'm a creature of obsession.

[blue-boy-called-depression]

I just assume that I don't matter to people. People wouldn't care if I just wasn't around.

[blue-boy-called-depression]

when you realise you have no one to confide in.

[moonshadow-thoughts]

Do you ever feel like you miss out on life, because you are not able to socialize the way most people do?

[zarathustra-would-be-proud]

[blue-boy-called-depression]

Sometimes, when she was trying to be particularly clear, her voice curled in her throat, and her Ts became more pronounced.

She attempted to hide the propriety of her voice. It didn't go over too well in the circles she ran in.

The accent of privilege went over well with rich white people, but with anyone else it screamed outsider and traitor.

[blue-boy-called-depression]

I am a romantic,

I am only emotion,

[blue-boy-called-depression]

Sometimes when my days are grey,

I see a golden sunset,

Feel sun tingling on my skin,

A winding road in the mountains,

The wind blowing through me,

Running it's fingers through my hair,

I can hear the hum of a car engine,

I'm flying down the road,

My heart thruming in my chest,

Screaming "this is it, this is freedom",

I could go anywhere,

And be anyone,

Then my eyes open

and I live another day.

[blue-boy-called-depression]

I am blessed to have met my people early in life,

To struggle and grow together,

overcome trauma, pain and suffering,

I doubt I’ll ever find anyone whom I love and cherish more

[blue-boy-called-depression]

Red hot jealousy ran through me,

I stared at my phone,

Processing the person I loved with another,

Impulsively, I threw my fist upon the worktop next to me,

Red pooled out of my fist as it stung softly,,

and the anger evaporated,

I inspected my hand,

Tiny shards of glass twinkled at me.

Regret splattered through me

I went to the sink and washed out the glass.

[blue-boy-called-depression]

I'm begging pedestrians to stop wearing black and walking in the road... especially when drunk. I can't see you, and if you're swerving all over the place because you're drunk, I can't tell that you're about to stumble in front of my car.

I already have anxiety that somehow, without my knowledge, I've hit someone. Now all I'm replaying over and over in my head is what if I didn't break in time.

[blue-boy-called-depression]

I fear my grief comes from selfishness. You've been gone longer than I knew you. Three years. But the mark you left in my life has scarred in a way I'll never heal from.

You were here, you were joy, you left.

[blue-boy-called-depression]

I always wonder what caused my friends' sorrows. I'm afraid to ask, and afraid that I would regret knowing.

Some things are too horrible to speak.

And speaking of them wouldn't change a thing.

[blue-boy-called-depression]

She was one of those people that if you were nonchalant enough, she'd bare her soul to you.

I'm one of those people who only needs a well timed smile.

[blue-boy-called-depression]

I think I contemplate my own mortality and vulnerability too much sometimes.