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30 | lesbian ✨Hi, I come here to overshare on the internet. 😌✨ - Just thoughts-

[moonshadow-thoughts]

When you are a sensitive (neurodivergent) child your ENTIRE childhood will consist of being told that you are overreacting, that you are "too sensitive", that you are too much and too weak. You will get punished, made fun of, bullied, humiliated and ostracised for your sensitivity, to a point where you build a mask just to make it stop and to survive. You will spend the rest of your life trying to be tough and not appear weak more than anything else. Because you learned the hard way that in this society sensitivity cannot exist without punishment.

And well into adulthood you will realise that you will never be this tough mask and that there is nothing wrong with being sensitive, because you always liked yourself the way you actually are, before society punished you for that. The sensitive highly empathetic child was always who you truely were. But you also come to the conclusion that society killed this version of you and that no matter how much you wish you could go back to your true self, as you were when you were little, this version no longer exists. And that in this society high sensitivity can never safely exist.

[moonshadow-thoughts]

Am I the only one who feels like life has become unbearable and pointless with all the shit people in power have done or plan to do?

[moonshadow-thoughts]

Healthcare for women (or all people assigned female at birth to be honest) can barely be called that, even in wealthy countries. It is a story of neglegt.

Doctors don't take us seriously at all. You can go to a bunch of different doctors over the years and it's always the same. "Oh it's probably just in your head. You make it up to get attention. Have you tried losing weight? I think you don't want to get healthy." Among many other comments are, what we listen to every time, no matter how much we suffer and in how much pain we are.

Just because the diagnosis female hysteria does not exist anymore. Does not mean that doctors will not act and treat us exactly like that, they will just call it "✨anxiety disorder✨ The fact that every chronically ill woman tells the exact same story of medical professionals dismissing everything she says, is heartbreaking.

Society still thinks that women don't even understand what is going on with their own bodies, that they are unable to understand when they are in pain.

We don't matter. Our pain does not matter.

And even those who do get diagnosed, are always diagnosed years later than a man would have been. Leading to severe consequences and permanently worsening health.

It's not even "just" male doctors who will dismiss women, other women do it just as often. Our whole society got conditioned, that women are just "a little dramatic." When the reality is far from that.

There are also those who died, because they did not receive the treatment they would have needed. And those who were locked up in mental facilities.

Many of us had to give up going to doctors, because we simply never received any help. It is awful enough to live with a chronic illness, but never receiving any help and no one believing us is just as bad.

[moonshadow-thoughts]

Felt like absolute shit earlier, then an old Cascada song started playing on my recommended playlist and I feel ALIVE!

[moonshadow-thoughts]

Honestly so cute how we all left high school thinking "at least the horrors are finally over" only for the new different horrors to hit us...

Bless our naive teen hearts. :')

[moonshadow-thoughts]

One time a few years ago, after the contract of my job at that time ended and I answered "I don't know." to the question of my aunt, about what I plan on doing with my life now, she straight up told me that there was really no point for me to go on with my life. And I was just like, "okay sure." then went completely to no contact with that part of the family. Never regretted that by the way. That woman had been pissing me off with her lack of empathy for decades.

So guys, go on no contact with your disrespectful family members. Life is better after.

[moonshadow-thoughts]

You can fix your own life. You can save yourself. Don't wait for others. No one will come and magically fix your life. Only you can do that. And once you try to do it on your own, you will notice how strong you are and that you never even needed anyone's help, because you are more than capable on your own. You got this!

[moonshadow-thoughts]

There is probably nothing I hate more than when people tell me what to do and how I can and cannot live my own life.

[moonshadow-thoughts]

"You won't feel this way forever."

Okay... Then how do you explain that I have been feeling this way for literally all my life?!

[moonshadow-thoughts]

Everything is shit but at least stuffed animals exist.

[moonshadow-thoughts]

Humans have always been hateful and cruel but in the last few years it has gotten worse and worse. Nowhere is safe anymore.

[moonshadow-thoughts]

Sometimes I stop and realise that I really did turn into the adult that I would have needed when I was a child. Adult me would have protected little me. All that anger was necessary to turn me into a protector. Little me would have been safe if adult me would have been there. None of the bad things would have happened to little me if the adult version of me would have been there. No one protected me as a child. But adult me would have.

[moonshadow-thoughts]

In our society, the sad truth is no one ACTUALLY cares about how you are doing as long as you stay quiet about your struggles, as long as you are able to funtion, as long as you're not a bother or a burden.

But once you can no longer uphold that mask, once your body is no longer able to function, you are seen as the problem and you are seen as the sick one. Because this is how our society is built. Otherwise people would have to question how sick our society is.

[moonshadow-thoughts]

I miss the early 2000s so much. Life was fun and colorful back then. Life was slower back then. The music back then was full of life, creativity and joy. Life was enjoyable. The future looked promising.

Now time is passing so fast. You have to be productive all the time. All the colors are gone. We are all stressed. People hate each other. It seems like there is only work now. Wars and crisis are everywhere. Everything is too expensive. No one is truly happy anymore. Terrible news everywhere that get worse and worse. Everything seems fake. And the future looks even worse than what we have now. Life just does not feel worth living anymore.

[moonshadow-thoughts]

Also it's terrifying to see how quickly people were not only willing to but also able to give up their empathy and moral values, because people at the top showed them it was okay to do so.

Because this means those people never had empathy or moral values to begin with... They just faked it to follow social standards at the time. And that is terrifying. People could have comforted you ... And lied straight to your face... The entire time. And only now they show their true faces.

[moonshadow-thoughts]

Something happened to people in the last few years. Suddenly people lash out at others for small things. You can watch people threaten each other over small things. People no longer have any empathy. Ten or fifteen years ago those situations would have not escalated like this.

The hate is everywhere on social media and even worse in the life outside of it. It has become unbearable.

[moonshadow-thoughts]

It took me until my 30s to realise that older people are not "idealising youth". It is actually true. There are things you can only do when you are young. There are things you can only do in your teens or 20s and after that it is too late. The older you get the more opportunities you lose.

Your bodies capabilities worsen. That already starts in your late 20s. When I compare what I was able to do when I was 20 years old and now 10 years later, there is a huge difference. And I say that as a chronically ill person, with a much worse health back than, than I have now. Also mentally, you lose a lot of capability. And also when it comes to job opportunities, relationships, building a family and so much more.

Your 20s are such a narrow time window. But the only time where you can achieve so many things, you can only achieve during that time.