Blue Spoons

My name is Ella, and this is my disability blog.Surviving EDS, embracing my autism, fighting ableism. My ask box is always open, I'll always reply privately if requested :)If you get followed or liked by solarforest, that's my main blog.

[blue-spoons-blog]

I think I’m leaving tumblr.

My mental health is seriously struggling, the psychiatrist just gave me all the details for a possible month stay in a psych ward for electroconvulsive therapy. I’m barely hanging on, I keep myself alive because I couldn’t bare to destroy my partner’s life like that, but every day is emotional or physical agony. I’m starting to prefer the physical agony, I can handle it better. The emotions are so bad, the weight of my traumatic memories is just so much, that I get uncontrollable compulsions to bash my head against objects and dig my nails into my skin until it breaks. I’m still begging for a therapist to take my case but we’ve had no luck for a year now.

Honestly, I haven’t found the tumblr spoonie community to be particularly supportive or helpful. It’s nice to know that people go through the same kind of stuff I do, but it hurts to be sitting yet again on the outside of a community that doesn’t seem to be very welcoming. This blog has over a hundred followers, but my endless attempts to form friendships, help others and reach out for help myself have gone ignored. I’m beginning to accept that I’m just an unlikeable person no matter what I do, and that the rest of my life will probably be spent in isolation. At least I have Mike, the only person who seems to find me worth interacting with.

I’m not usually so bleak or whiny, I’m just really over it. I’m completely invisible, no one will even read this far, no one is even going to notice I’m gone. I’ve been completely socially outcast and neglected ever since childhood and it’s not going to change, so I’m going to stop pretending that I’m a person with any worth at all, or that anyone wants to hear a single word I have to say. I’m just going to go.

[proletarianprincess]

im fucking panicking i cant believe 4000 people have died within 6 weeks of being found “fit for work” by the uk government. we’re being killed and no one is doing anything about it. im not saying this for effect or over-exaggerating, but this is genocide against disabled people. this is 4000 people. this is not even the correct number, this is only within a 6 week period and only the ones that we know for sure. there will be thousands more.

[you-re-pretty-good-blog]

What??? Can someone explain this? I’m really concerned and I lack context.

[readsettlers]

http://www.theguardian.com/society/2015/aug/27/thousands-died-after-fit-for-work-assessment-dwp-figures?CMP=fb_gu

[phantom-solitaire]

Basically the head of the Department and work and Pensions, Iain Duncan-Smith is committing genocide against the disabled and working class.

His department under his leadership is making people with mental, physical and other issues seek work when they can’t. He has decreed that benefit claimants are scrounges and worse than shit.

He has an ongoing program to exterminate the weak, vulnerable and disabled from Britain.

Under the Geneva Convention this is classed as genocide.

Iain Duncan-Smith is one of the British politician in support of scrapping the Human Rights act, an act he can be held accountable for his hideous act of Genocide and mass murder.

Please use his full name and the words genocide. Tag them together. Post it on as much social media as you can. This needs to become world wide knowledge and people should feel free to contact the UN, European Court of Human Rights and organisations such as Amnesty International.

We, as in the disabled of Great Britain, need this man, and in fact the entire Tory Government to be removed before they cause all of the vulnerable people of this country to die.

Now you maybe wondering how to help, start by reposting stuff like this, tag it with Iain Duncan-Smith, Genocide and War on the poor. And make it big. Make it so information about this Genocide becomes one of the most found searches on google about Britain right now.

We need this to stop now.

[notquiteluke]

Y'all remember how i spent election night literally crying? This is why.

[mercurien]

Ok, so a lot of people commenting on this have been confused about the post saying 4,000 people have died vs. the article saying 2,380: this article gives a better breakdown of the statistics as

A total of 81,140 people claiming Employment Support Allowance (ESA), Incapacity Benefit (IB)/Severe Disablement Allowance (SDA)* died between December 2011 and February 2014, a period of 26 months.

Out of those deaths, 50,580 were claiming ESA. Of that number, 7,200 had been in the “Work Related Activity Group”, which means you are believed capable of “taking immediate steps towards being in work”. 3,720 had been declared “fit for work” after undergoing the Work Capability Assessment (WCA, carried out by private outsourcing companies with contracts with the Dept for Work & Pensions).

The rest of the 81k figure was made up of the 30,560 people who died while on IB/SDA, of which 290 had been declared “fit for work”. This makes a total of 4,010 deaths of people who had been declared fit for work. The “died after being declared fit for work/placed in the WRAG” thing is the important bit; the companies that the DWP pays to carry out these assessments is clearly deliberately & maliciously neglecting the people they are supposed to help, in order to make the govt. statistics look good. DWP staff are being given suicide guidelines. The department has even admitted to having “fabricated quotations from fictitious people supposedly taking about their positive experiences of the welfare system” for a leaflet.

So, sorry to the people saying “it’s not as bad as you think, it’s 2,380 rather than 4,000″, but it’s actually worse.

*SDA & IB are more or less the same thing, the latter replaced the former)

[disableism]

If numbers and math make your brain cry they way do mine, here’s the important stuff from the above comment … a) the ‘4000’ number is correct, or, if anything, an underestimate, and b) as the above commentor said, “The “died after being declared fit for work/placed in the WRAG” thing is the important bit”. People are being denied the help they need, forced into work despite their health situations and dying because of it all.

[teh-kotar]

Here to help y'all gorgeous children

[blue-spoons-blog]

I don't have BPD but I think these will work equally well for PTSD.

[trollprincess]

Do me a favor.

Reblog this if a medical professional has ever treated you like shit or fucked up your diagnosis or was just generally wrong.

[chronic-illness-cat]

[picture of a cross-eyed Siamese cat’s head against a gyronny (a triangle-sectioned background) with six shades of blue. Top line of text reads: “How are you?” || Bottom line of text reads: Types three different answers. Decides on ‘okay’. ]

[spooniestrong]

I’ve never submitted here before but I figured I might as well since I wore my POTS shirt to get fluids!

[finnishmctdcase-deactivated2020]

I did a thing for us spoonies with uteruses. :3

[autisticarchive-deactivated2019]

Non-verbal doesn’t mean non-thinking. Non-verbal doesn’t mean non-feeling. Non-verbal doesn’t mean non-communicating. Non-verbal doesn’t mean non-human.

[chronic-illness-cat]

from the amazing thyroiddiseasediaries.tumblr.com

[picture of a Siamese cat’s head against a triangle-sectioned background with many shades of blue. Top line of text reads: My disease is a flat in genetics, hormones and chemicals.|| Bottom line of text reads: Not my character.]

[chameleonchild]

Repeat after me: neither ability nor achievements quantify someones worth

[mscourtneyreads]

I wish my body let me be the person I am.

[spooniestrong]

[lifewithra]

I needed this today!

[spooniestrong]

[blue-spoons-blog]

11 16 20

Favorite time of day?Sunset. No matter how I’m feeling, the sunset is always soothing.

The last book you read?The Lady In The Tower: The Fall of Anne Boleyn. I’m a history nerd ^_^

Day or night and why?Both have their charms. These days my symptoms tend to flare during the daytime, so nights are more enjoyable.

[deepsthots]

Thank you  for understanding!!

[chronic-illness-cat]

This is from the American Chronic Pain Association Quality of Life Scale.  The pdf is here: http://theacpa.org/uploads/documents/Quality_of_Life_Scale.pdf It’d be beneficial for someone in the community who is both time rich and spoon rich to create a text copy of this for copy/paste and printing purposes.

[blue-spoons-blog]

Get Wet

Shallow:

1. Favorite color

2. Height

3. Eye color

4. Hair color

5. Age

6. Piercings?

7. Tattoos?

8. Favorite animal/pet

9. Favorite scent

10. What time is it?

Wading:

11. Favorite time of day

12.First pet

13. Siblings

14. First car

15. On a day like today you would...?

16. The last book you read

17. The last text message you sent/received

18. Are you usually hot or cold

19. Pick one thing to your left, what does it mean to you

20. Day or night and why

Knee Deep:

21. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

22. When was the last time someone told you they loved you

23. Who is your best friend and how did you meet

24. Would you rather...

25. Do you get sick often

26. Do you live alone or with other people

27. When was the last time you saw your family

28. What do you want to achieve in the next year

29. Do you believe in true love

30. Have you ever been hurt by someone you thought cared about you

To the Waist:

31. When was the last time you got hurt

32. Have you ever hurt yourself

33. What was the last fight you had about

34. Has anyone told you they hated you

35. Have you seen anyone die

36. What would you tell your younger self

37. Would you skip the bad parts of your life to be successful

38. What do you want to do with the rest of your life

39. Have you left behind/ were you left behind in a friendship

40. What is more important ___ or ___

Neck Deep:

41. Who would you want to meet again in your life

42. Why did you choose your career path

43. What is something you regret from your past

44. How much time is left at the end of your day

45. What was your last dream about

46. Have you ever hated someone and why

47. Talk about your favorite family member

48. What is one thing you want to confess

49. Have you ever tried to take away your problems instead of deal with them

50. Who would you save- yourself or a stranger?

Head Under Water:

51. Have you been in love

52. Talk about someone in your life who has died

53. Describe your first ____

54. When was the last time you thought you were beautiful

55. Have you ever had to recover after something

56. What do you hate about ____

57. Top ten life values

58. How do you fall asleep

59. When was the last time you smiled and the last time you cried

60. Would you give up everything for ____

Drowning:

61. Ask your own question