Stories from a Wild Card @blueberrymonsoon - Tumblr Blog

anneuhken-deactivated20200828

CAN WE HEAR MORE STUFF FROM YOUR KID? WOwEE!

sure!!

things my kid has said in casual conversation:

if plan a doesn’t work, plan b is ALWAYS a chainsaw

i might be bloodthirsty, but i’m not cruel!!!

mom i think grandma lied to you because apparently NOT every family climbs on the roof to howl at the full moon together. they should, though

if we were a tv show, we would be called ‘the adventures of sexy plague doctor and pumpkin boy.’ you’re pumpkin boy, OBVIOUSLY

you’re as much fun as a brand new honda odyssey

she’s not invited to my birthday party anymore… but she IS invited to go to hell

come on guys, let’s get the eff-word out of here!

i’m only doing this to support game of thrones (said as she ordered a dragon drink at starbucks)

here’s a list of all the people in my class that i would prefer NOT be in my class (proceeds to read aloud the class roster)

so when i become a vampire my first step is to also make you a vampire. then my second step is to make a cute puppy a vampire. then when people come up and say ‘oh what a cute puppy’ and bend over to pet it, i kill them and suck their blood

why do so many bad guys have their secret base in a volcano?? that’s not a secret. we know where all the volcanoes are…… omg unless it’s so they can kick people into the volcano for disagreeing with them. mom can i have a volcano???

if mummies are basically people jerky, can i eat king tut’s beefy body?

hey mom do we have a butler??

i was convinced that my bff was about to become my eff…. enemy friend forever……

at thanksgiving we go around the table and say what we’re thankful for…. or we can just talk about our childhood trauma

sometimes you buy people stuff and they still don’t love you. they still love someone else more. it doesn’t matter how much stuff you buy them. trust me, i know about love

that girl is IMPOSSIBLE….. that girl is me. i am impossible

blueberrymonsoon

This child is so delightfully clever.

valtsv

currently considering becoming a bother and a nuisance. maybe even a menace or rascal idk i haven’t made up my mind yet

totheend-oftheuniverse-blog

A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

A question mark walks into a bar?

Two quotation marks “Walk into” a bar.

A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to drink.

The bar was walked into by a passive voice.

Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They drink. They leave.

askr-deactivated20230503

THANKS FOR TEACHING ME THINGS THAT ENGLISH CLASS HAS FAILED TO ACKNOWLEDGE

directordanic

More, please.

you-had-me-at-e-flat-major

An Oxford comma walks into a bar. It orders a pint of beer, some snacks, and a shot.

A split infinitive used to often walk into a bar.

There is a bar which a preposition-ended sentence walked into.

An emphatic copula did walk into a bar.

A present subjunctive walked into a bar hoping that he be able to order a drink.

smileslikeparentheses

A typo walks into a bra

fandom

Here we are in the future.

The highly anticipated Steven Universe movie premiered on Cartoon Network and was either a perfect ending or set-up for a sixth season. IT Chapter 2 was released in theaters and the losers we love are back! The latest Nintendo Direct revealed Undertale’s jokester skeleton Sans as the latest Mii fighter skin. This is Tumblr’s Week in Review.

Steve Universe: The Movie

Spinel | Steven Universe: The Movie

Good Omens

Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir

Reddie, Richie Tozier & Eddie Kaspbrak, It

IT Chapter 2

Ineffable Husbands, Aziraphale & Crowley, Good Omens

Undertale

Invader Zim: Enter the Florpus

Crowley | Good Omens

Critical Role

Sans | Undertale

Pokémon

Richie Tozier | It

Artists on Tumblr

Aziraphale | Good Omens

BTS

Nintendo

Marvel

Pink Diamond | Steven Universe

blueberrymonsoon

Saving for future consumption... I hope.

dick-winters-blog1

my masterlist of 'how to life’ tips

Cleaning & Tidying

Make your bed in the morning. It takes seconds, and it’s worth it.

Reset to zero each morning.

Use the UFYH 20/10 system for clearing your shit.

Get a reed diffuser and stick it on your windowsill.

Have a ‘drop-zone’ box where you dump anything and everything. At the beginning/end of the day, clear it out and put that shit away.

Roll your clothes, don’t fold them - or fold them vertically.

Automate your chores. Have a cleaning schedule and assign 15mins daily to do whatever cleaning tasks are set for that day. Set a timer and do it - once the timer is up, finish the task you’re on and leave it for the day.

Fold your clothes straight out of the tumble dryer (if you use one), whilst they’re still warm. This minimises creases and eliminates the need for ironing.

Clean your footwear regularly and you’ll feel like a champ.

Organisation & Productivity

Learn from Eisenhower’s Importance/Urgency matrix.

Try out the two-minute rule and the Pomodoro technique.

Use. A. Planner. (Or Google Calendar, if that’s more your thing.)

Try bullet journalling.

Keep a notebook/journal/commonplace book to dump your brain contents in on the regular.

Set morning alarms at two-minute intervals rather than five, and stick your alarm on the other side of the room. It’s brutal, but it works.

Set three main goals each day, with one of them being your #1 priority. Don’t overload your to-do list or you’ll hit overload paralysis and procrastinate.

If you’re in a slump, however, don’t be afraid to put things like “shower” on your to do list - that may be a big enough goal in itself, and that’s okay.

Have a physical inbox - a tray, a folder, whatever. If you get a piece of paper, stick it in there and sort through it at the end of the week.

Consider utilising the GTD System, or a variation of it.

Try timeboxing.

Have a morning routine, and guard that quiet time ferociously.

Save interesting-looking shit to instapaper. Have a set time where you read through the stuff you saved to instapaper and save the shit that you like from instapaper to evernote (or bookmark it properly).

During your working hours, put on your footwear, even if you’re sat on your bed. (Why?)

Have a folder for all your important documents and letters, organised by topic (e.g. medical, bank, university, work, identification). At the front of this folder, have a sheet of paper with all the key information written on it, such as your GP’s details, your passport details, driving licence details, bank account number, insurance number(s), and so on.

Try using StayFocusd and RescueTime (or similar apps/extensions). (I promise, you’ll find that you’re not as busy as you think you are.)

Schedule working time and down time alike, in the balance that works for you.

Money

Have. A. God. Damn. Budget.

Use a money tracker like toshl, mint, or splitwise. Enter all expenses asap! (You will forget, otherwise.)

Have a ‘money date’ each week, where you sort through your finances from the past seven days and then add it to a spreadsheet. This will help you identify your spending patterns and whether your budget is actually working or not.

Pack your own frickin’ lunch like a grown-up and stop buying so many takeaway coffees. Keep snacks in your bag.

Go to your bank and take out £100 in £1 coins (or w/e your currency is). That shit will come in useful for all kinds of things and you’ll never be short on change for the bus or the laundry.

Food & Cooking

Know how to cook the basics: a starch, a protein, a vegetable, and a sauce.

Simple, one-pot meals (“a grain, a green, and a bean”) are a godsend.

Dried porcini mushrooms make a fantastic stock to cook with.

Batch cook and freeze. Make your own ‘microwave meals’.

Buy dried goods to save money - rice and beans are a pittance. (Remember to soak dried beans first, though!)

Consider Meatless Mondays; it’s healthier, cheaper, and more environmentally friendly.

Learn which fruits and vegetables are cheapest at your store, and build a standard weekly menu around those. (Also remember that frozen vegetables are cheap and healthy.)

Learn seasoning combinations. Different seasoning, even with the exact same ingredients, can make a dish seem completely new.

Don’t buy shit for a one-off recipe, especially if you won’t use it all. If you really want to try out a recipe, see if a friend would be interested in making it with you, then pool for the expenses.

Make your own goddamned pasta sauce. Jamie Oliver has a decent recipe here, but the beauty of tomato sauce is that you can totally wing it and adapt the fuck out of it.

Misc

Have a stock email-writing format.

Want to start running, but find it boring? Try Zombies, Run!.

Keep a goddamn first aid kit and learn how to use it.

Know your OTC pain relief.

Update your CV regularly.

Keep a selection of stamps and standard envelopes for unexpected posting needs. (It happens more regularly than you would think!)

Some final words of advice:

Organisation is not a goal in itself, it is a tool. Don’t get caught up in the illusion of productivity and get distracted from the actual task at hand.

Routines and habits will help you. Trust in them.

You have the potential to be an organised and productive person, just as much as anybody else. It just takes practice.

amazingxmen

milesjai-deactivated20190613

ooooOOOOOOO

thugpumpkin

Bring on the biracial thunder babies.

lonelymountainking

xandwyrms

#still all about that thororo

the-kellephant

Thororo is the best ship name ever.

nurse-vishous

I didn’t know I shipped this until now…

lady-feral

THORORO

sarah-mcelroy-deactivated202601

The most powerful power couple

rulingplanets

Advice for the signs

noholdsbarred27

Aries: Take a step back and think. You are wonderful just the way you are, why do you have to be mean to others just to compensate for your lack of self-esteem? You care so much, I know that. But you have to let the others know that as well. You don't need to prove yourself to anyone. You're a hidden gem, aries and let someone find you instead of wrecking the surprise for them. You are loved and you know exactly how to have fun so keep reminding yourself that you are worthy of the adventure your life has to offer.

Taurus: Get out of your comfort zone and stop caring about what people think. I know that you're the best at giving advice but I think it's about time that someone takes care of you. You are not those stereotypes people try to label you with. You are candid. Don't forget your dreams and keep focusing on how to get there. Be social, let yourself be loved and remember that you can always learn from anyone. You're not alone and people can understand, if you let them in. Take in the sun, try something new and keep in mind the fact that you can live through anything. You represent grace. You are going to be okay.

Gemini: You have so many interesting things to say and don't let anyone ever shush you. You are a deep thinker, an innovator. Gemini, I know your mind is on overdrive but take a moment to slow down, on your terms. But after that, do as much as you can because you are capable of so much. Be sure of your opinions (stick to them!) and keep looking forward, you moment will come too. Discover yourself, your surroundings and let yourself be immune to all that is superficial. We all know you are authentic so why keep up the mask? We'll love you anyway and perhaps even more. You are going to be okay.

Cancer: You spread your love so much that at the end of the day, you have none left for yourself. So, when you're down, let yourself be nurtured as much you would nurture someone else. Your voice may be soft but every word has so much meaning. You are so kind, genuinely thoughtful and you are so rare. Keep your purity, don't let corruptions soak in your veins or crawl on your skin. Sometimes, it can be good just to stop caring and to live at the moment. The world's problems are not your responsibility. You are free. Always. You are going to be okay.

Leo: Keep being yourself, I like that. But remember, people's opinion about you does not impact your self-worth. You are special and you are whole just by yourself. It's okay to lose your cool sometimes and become humble and silly, it will feel refreshing I promise. You are so brave and one of kind. Keep standing up for what you believe in and never let anyone extinguish your fire. Go get what you want and keep fierce. You are going to be okay.

Virgo: You are so on top of everything and I admire you for that. I know that things are overwhelming right now but you have to realize that you are powerless to somethings. Live and let live. You are so talented, unique, sensitive, intellectual and grounded, why are you so hard on yourself? You are your very own prized position. Be proud of yourself and keep working hard, it's going to bring you places. Keep being kind and considerate. The fear you feel is only in your head and you hold power over it. You are going to be okay.

Libra: I cannot even begin to describe how wonderful you are, so stop trying to please so hard! The people who are truly good for you are the ones you will not compromise yourself for. You are aloud to be unhappy with something and voice your opinion about it. Discover your talents and expose them to the world. Sing, dance, laugh and don't let anyone rain on your parade. You are more than meets the eye libra. You are a force to be reckoned with. You are going to be okay.

Scorpio: Oh boy, there are so many things I want to tell you. I'll start by saying that people care about you as much as you care about them so stop pushing them away. When you're in the dark, let your hand be held. You know you are different but you forget that it's a good thing. You are so loyal but don't be with your demons. You are not who has hurt you so shake that thought out of your head. I love how you are able to strive even when your heart is shattered. Remember what your priorities are and make sure to include yourself. You are going to be okay.

Sagittarius: The world is your oyster so never limit yourself to only what is known. Be daring, keep being honest and don't let yourself taken over by things that are simply not worth your time. Be patient and the good things will come. Cherish your freedom and keep that laugh of yours just as loud. Remember your one liners and how many faces you have made smile. Do whatever you want your heart desires and stay candid. You are going to be okay.

Capricorn: You have so many plans and you know exactly how to make them happen. No matter what your achievements are, you will always be successful. Take a minute to look at the beautiful world around you. Show them they were wrong! You are so much more than what they tell you to be. Keep asking questions, competing but keep your mind open. You know that you have an emotional side to yourself and you will feel at piece once you acknowledge it. You are devoted but let someone but just as kind towards you. You are going to be okay.

Aquarius: Keep being weird and not caring about the differences that set you apart from the rest. Your brain holds so much knowledge and wisdom, don't let your pride get in the way of it. You can revolutionize, change the world, modify the norms. You are so peculiar and I know that it's hard to have your interest but I can promise you that if you look at everything without a filter, you will feel at peace. Be the exception to everything. You will be okay.

Pisces: Always follow your gut. Your thoughts speak nothing but the truth so never put them aside. You are so special already, you don't need to change to fit in. You naturally do. You are an old soul, the one who got away, the one who will take you home. Don't let yourself get taken avantage of, trust yourself and never stop dreaming. Keep doodling and listening. Remember how strong you are, that behind that sweetness hides a layer of tar that you need to discover on your own. You are multi-dimensional. You are going to be okay.

entitledrichpeople

Capitalism produces scarcity artificially where there is none.

There are enough houses.

There is enough food (in fact there’s currently massive amounts of “overproduced” grain being left to rot)

There is enough water.

Even without changing the horribly designed production systems, there is no real shortage. People don’t starve, have no fresh water, have no houses to live in, etc. because there are not enough of these things. People don’t have access because capitalism denies them it.

There’s enough to share for everyone. It’s not a zero sum game for poor and oppressed peoples.

the-bitter-idealist

I known the argument that only GMOs can save us is untrue for the reasons above, but is overpopulation draining resources and killing the earth a lie promulgated by capitalists as a diversion as well? Would we be fine with this many people under a different economic/social system?

entitledrichpeople

Yes, overpopulation is a capitalist/racist myth too. It originated in racist eugenics theory and ignores issues of distribution, infrastructure/technology, and disparate impact in favor of fearmongering about poor/brown people having too many babies.

This one pops up a lot, so I’m going to post some links on it here:

Here’s a website dedicated to debunking overpopulation. It’s 101 and simple, but might be a good intro point for some.

Here’s a BBC article on the lack of good basis to even say how many people is the maximum the Earth could support.

A child in the US on average will use 13 times the energy of one in Brazil and 35 times one in India.

The wealthiest 10% of the world contributes 50% of emissions, but the poorest 50% only contributes 10% of emissions.

And even those estimates are off, because much of the energy use in the developing world is spent on resources sent to already developed/wealthy countries.

Within developed countries income has a stronger impact on household energy use than having another child does (with the wealthy consistently using more).

Just 100 companies contribute 70% of emissions globally-replacing those 100 companies with fully sustainable energy would fix 70% of emissions.

It’s impossible for developing countries to generally adopt Western style energy consumption development models on a large scale. And China, one of the larger developing countries whose government is a bit less under the thumb of Western imperialist powers, doesn’t intend to keep trying that either (instead investing in more renewable energy).

So, yes, it’s absolutely not the number of people that’s the main problem, but how resources are used and environmental management practices are done. If you were going to get rid of people to fix environmental problems, you would start with rich white Westerners, the opposite of who gets targeted by “overpopulation” panics.

entitledrichpeople

I’m reblogging this post from last year, because I see so many opinions about the environment that repeat this nonsense.

It’s racist imperialist capitalist bullshit, and it leads to the exact opposite of real solutions.

madderhatter

goblincrystals

Did Roy ever find his boyfriend?

madderhatter

he did

troyesivan

happy for him

rissi18

YOU FORGOT THE BEST PART THEY ADOPTED A DAUGHTER NAMED TANGO BECAUSE IT TAKES 2 TO TANGO!!!! This is them:

and they even had a book written about them:

thebusylilbird

guys Tango found a girlfriend :’)

nonbinarysapphic

This is gay lesbian solidarity

aishwaryaaraiii

Deepika Mutyala as Wonder Woman

kyliaquilor-archive

If your language lost, it should die with dignity, not be put on artificial life-support because ‘reasons’

domhnall-na-feannaig

#Sorry but I have no sympathy for that fight#let the dead languages be dead#grumping#controversial opinions#because people always get annoyed with me when I say this#but Gaelic (for example) shouldn’t still exist

———–

Gaelic hasnt been lost. It’s never died or been brought back. There’s an unbroken line of native speakers going back to the beginning of the language. That doesn’t seem like a ‘lost’ language to me. Furthermore I’m not sure what ‘artificial life-support’ means in this context. Gaelic is given funding for schools because there’s still native speakers of the language. It’s no more artificial than money being given to schools for English language lessons.

domhnall-na-feannaig

If anything is ‘artificial’ its the imposition of a foreign language (English) into a Gaelic majority zone and native speakers having to fight for decades to be able to be taught in their own language. Native speakers being forced to learn English to exist within their own regions because a central government would not allow services to be given in a people’s own language.

But then the clock only goes back so far with people who wish that minority languages would just die. There’s nothing artificial about shooting someone but suddenly it becomes an ‘artificial’ act to maybe phone an ambulance?

calystarose

“There’s nothing artificial about shooting someone but suddenly it becomes an ‘artificial’ act to maybe phone an ambulance?” — THIS RIGHT HERE

fenrir-kin

Also just gonna point out here:

In the UK, the languages Gaelige, Gaelic, Cymraeg and Kernewek (that’s Irish, Scottish, Welsh and Cornish respectively) didn’t just “die out.” There was a concerted effort by the English to kill them off.

For example, in Wales, if a child was heard speaking Welsh in a classroom, they’d be given a “Welsh Not”, a wooden plaque engraved with “WN” to hang around their neck. They’d pass it onto the next child heard speaking Welsh, and whoever had the Welsh Not at the end of the day was punished - usually with a beating.

Kernewek was revived after a long hard struggle by the Cornish folk, and is now being taught again, but a lot about it has been lost because everyone who grew up speaking it has died.

And languages are never revived “just because.” The language of a place can offer so much insight into its history, so if you’re content to let a language die then you’re content to let history die.

People talk about “dead” languages as if they dwindle away gradually, naturally coming to an end and evolving into something else, but that’s rarely the case. Languages like Cymraeg and Gaelige and especially Kernewek didn’t have the chance to die with dignity, they were literally beaten out of my parents and grandparents.

Is it any wonder every other country hate the English? We invade their country, steal their history, claim pieces of their history as ours or flat out re-write it, and kill every part of their culture that we can.

It’s a miracle that any of the Celtic languages survived, so even if you don’t see the point in keeping them alive, the actual natives of each country we’ve fucked over are clinging onto what heritage they have left through the only thing they can: their language.

inali

Hey OP, póg mo thóin!

katjohnadams

*snerk* xD

prismatic-bell

I would like to point all of these “just let it die” assholes directly at Hebrew.

The language was effectively dead. It had been murdered and forced-assimilated away.

But there was this dude named Ben Yehuda.

And he said “no.”

“The language of my people for four thousand years or more,” he said, “should not stop existing because of a bunch of assholes.” (Okay, this is a dramatic retelling. He probably didn’t actually say assholes.)

So he started an official movement to recreate Hebrew as closely as possible to how it had been spoken about a thousand years prior.

Today, ancient Hebrew is spoken by millions of Jews around the world weekly in our prayers and Torah readings, and modern Hebrew is the official language of eight and a half million people–many of them having been born speaking it as a first language. Many people in the first group also speak at least some modern Hebrew–and it’s possible you do, too! A lot of loan words from Hebrew and Yiddish have made their way into English (like klutz, mensch, and kibitz).

That’s hardly “on life support.” Hebrew is growing, living, and thriving because of the Enlightenment efforts of the 1800s. The same COULD be done for languages like Welsh, Navajo, and Basque if the larger powers that be said “this is important” rather than forcing a giant bastion of culture–the language in which a people lived, loved, thought, told stories, and explained their world–to die.

captainlordauditor

#dead languages#most people who choose to learn or relearn so called are people who would have been native speakers#had they their parents their grandparents and so on not been forcibly assemilated by colonizers#in the us specifially the idea that we should let languages die off is an extention of the idea that we should let indigeous people die off#it is a continuation of the genocide that try to turn this place into the property of europe and erase us from the world#so fuck you#also this is why i want to learn choctaw because at least i can be a part of keeping the culture of my ancestors going

bilabialfricative

i mean all the comments on this are super on point, but even the basest premise of the op, that languages must compete in some pseudo darwinist survival of the fittest, is tremendously bone-headed. and the idea that youd extend ideas that are already extremely gross in the social realm to the linguistic realm is so gross. moreover, the argument over which is “natural” or “artificial” is completely nonsensical, it presumes theres anything virtuous or inherently good or desirable about a process because it is supposedly “natural” which is naturalistic fallacy at its most blatant. having more languages, and keeping old languages alive, and reviving language, i think is pretty damn desirable and enriching. i dont see anything desirable or enriching about “letting languages die” because it fulfills some weird pseudo darwinist credo. and last comments are super on point in suggesting that the idea that we should let languages die cuz they “lost” to another language is philosophically an extension of the idea of letting indigenous and conquered people and their cultures die off.

blueberrymonsoon

The commentary on this is so perfect.

I want to learn German bc the Nazis took it from my great grand parents, Nahuatl (Aztec) bc it was decimated by the Spanish, Comache (which I cannot pronouce to save my life...) for similar reasons and bc it is the tongue of one of my partners, as well as Gaelic for the same reason. He doesn't know them but can pronouce the words so easily...

#morelanguages #multilingual #fuckconquerers

jack-roscoe

Jeff Goldblum is somehow even more Jeff Goldblum than you think he is.

maplesyrupao3

That…is the sexiest thing I’ve been made aware of on this day.

blueberrymonsoon

I am kind of dying...

identificat

This is the most bizarre yet pure thing I’ve ever encountered on grindr

psyducked

Are you going?

gonefashion

these guys went and said it was wholesome and fun!

and look what he said

https://www.buzzfeed.com/juliareinstein/grindr-bbq-not-orgy?utm_term=.ur27oKlpv#.yfXpzGdkZ

blueberrymonsoon

Not an orgy. So pure.

butchesandfemmes

SO TODAY I was walking to college down a main road, it was really windy (as you might imagine with all the cars) and I was preocupied with keeping a grip on my beanie when I saw these two women walking a little way ahead of me on the other side of the road. One of these ladies was a bit taller than the other and they were holding hands (aww), the taller kinda butch lady had a flannel shirt on (double aww) and her partner/friend was wearing a cute cream and beige hijab. Now I swear to God this is relevant, wait for it.

A massive gust of wind suddenly comes tearing along the main road. I nearly lose my backpack, to give an idea of how bad it was. I look up and see the wind rip off this poor girls hijab and send it spiriling away down the street. (She had an undercap on so no major crisis but still, right.)

Before. You. Can. Blink. Our taller flannel-wearing girlfriend of the year TEARS off her flannel like lesbian Clark f***** Kent, throws her shirt over her partners head, and BAM she sprints off LIKE A SHOT after the hijab.

like 10/10, damn son, holy cheesits burrito, that is the very definition of chivalry and romance right there.

quixoticsweetheart

chivalry isn’t dead it just got absorbed by all the lesbians

blueberrymonsoon

Absorbed by he lesbians. Maybe just the queers? Lol. This would explain why I am more chivalrous than my brothers... #firstbornproblems ?

biscuitsarenice

The Big Questions: Is there more truth in Shakespeare than the Bible?

Akala, Rapper, Writer, Academic and founder of the Hip-hop Shakespeare Company.

Prof Stanley Wells, the world’s leading Shakespeare scholar.

[X]

nemesispawn-deactivated20181005

Oh my god, this is interesting.

medievalpoc

Blackamoores: Africans in Tudor England

“Race Card” by Gary Taylor

British Black and Asian Shakespeare Performance Database

Bartles, Emily C. “Making More of the Moor: Aaron, Othello, and Renaissance Refashionings of Race”. Shakespeare Quarterly, Vol. 41, No. 4 (Winter, 1990), pp. 433-454. Folger Shakespeare Library, in association with George Washington University.

blueberrymonsoon

For my own knowledge.

theabnormalparadox

This 👌🏾

blackhipstergirly-deactivated20

👏👏👏

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