Smiles Like Parentheses

32, writer, reader, redhead, phony wine connoisseur, breast cancer survivor. This is my personal blog. You may know me from my video game sideblog: Ferzeldan. Art by Rhodaperdition

[serfuzzypushover]

Trying

[warplanerubdown]

[fymodernflapper]

Victorian Tear Catchers

During the Victorian era, mourners sometimes collected their tears in gold decorated “tear bottles” to keep as a remembrance for the next of kin. It has also been said that the widows would go to the grave on the anniversary of the first year of death and sprinkle the tears on the grave to signify the end of the first year of mourning.

[winterswake]

The Mummy (1999) // Captain Marvel (2019)

[miz-erin]

The tags from @nielrian are the best…

[winterswake]

[byjove]

Me: *Removes my cat from my lap to do something else.*

My cat: Father is...evil? Father is unyielding? Father is incapable of love? I am running away. I am packing my little rucksack and going out to explore the world as a lone vagabond. I can no longer thrive in this household.

[cryoverkiltmilk]

The spiritual successor to Miette

[manicgoblinnightmarewoman]

Might I also add

[shydestinybread]

May i add the piece from artist Verbal Vomit

[unyanizedcatboys]

Glad to see we’re all in agreement that cats talk like disparaged victorian children

[explorerrowan]

I am so incredibly glad we finally moved on from "i can has". Cats are clearly smart enough for advanced sentence structure and dumb enough to draw entirely incorrect conclusions about what they're talking about.

[dualclock]

My cat, banging the cabnet door over and over and over: bang bang bang

Me: you will not earn what you desire by banging the cabinet door.

My cat: This is a test of wills, is it not? We shall see if your ability to put up with my incessant banging outlasts my eternal lust for snackie treats. Years of conditioning have hardened me for this purpose. bang bang bang

Me: ksst!

My cat, throwing herself to the ground like she's been shot: Oh! Oh I have been assailed in my own home! Have mercy, have pity! Surely in the cruel darkness of your heart there is some mote of goodness that might stay your hand! Do not strike me, I pray you!

Me: ok

My cat, after waiting about 3 minutes: bang bang bang

[notcaycepollard]

[callmebliss]

Can haz snackytreat

[ladyshinga]

(source)

[tzikeh]

Guys this is epic quarantine entertainment.

“EW can exclusively debut an epic at-home performance of the uplifting and high-energy “You Can’t Stop the Beat” from the Broadway musical Hairspray. In a video created in partnership with Marc Shaiman — who wrote the music and co-wrote the lyrics for the musical adaptation of the John Waters movie — actors, singers, dancers, and musicians from Hairspray on Broadway, Hollywood Bowl, London, the original 1988 movie, the 2007 remake, and the 2016 NBC live rendition, virtually gather to perform the iconic song from their kitchens, closets, and even from the bathtub. There are hairbrushes and kitchen utensils as impromptu microphones, family-member cameos, and pilates-inspired choreography.“

[Source]

The editing on this thing is crazy-pants good, and the performances are sublimely joyful. 

If you’re not chair-dancing by the end, I don’t know what to tell you. Let this thing brighten your day.

(The purpose of the video is to raise money for The Actors Fund, so if this video made you happy and you have some spare change, you can drop it here.)

(Also if Tumblr video isn’t big enough for you, click on the double-arrow thingy to make it full-screen.)

[thisagain144]

Fucking HELL that was amazing.

[flapjacques]

the set is complete

[lesstalkmoreillustration]

Mugs By Marc Johns

*More Things & Stuff

[ahollowyear]

[cesaray]

[smileslikeparentheses]

They have to ask a bunch of questions before they do surgery. In the past few months I have had 4 surgeries, so I’ve gotten really familiar with this process. One of the questions is “Have you been in good health the last 2 weeks?” 

to which I always answer, “Well with the exception of the cancer, yeah.” 

It never gets a laugh, except with my oncologist. But I’m gonna keep doing it. 

[littlewillowcabins]

a very small collection of my favorite vines

[theladyvampire-deactivated20200]

[allsonargent]

Adrian Monk + being a mood

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

why are birds so cursed

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

A Non-Comprehensive List of Birds That Piss Me Off

1. Dracula Parrot. This thing pisses me off like, a bunch

2. King Vulture. the felted craft project equivalent of a haunted ventriloquist dummy

i will never not resent this bird 

 3. Jacana Bird. This is the most unnecessary cursed nonsense. i deserve an apology for having to look at this. I can feel its fingers stroking my ears

No it does not have SIX FREAKING LIMBS. it’s carrying its stupid creepy spawn under its wings. A+ parents but still, piss off. even the normal 2 legged version isn’t much better

put those AWAY.

4. The Shoebill, which i’m sure we’re all sick of hearing about. this thing is the epitome of a crappy photorealistic cgi disney villainy. i despise this bird.

also this is what they look like standing up. i just feel like i shouldn’t have to deal with that, i really do.

5. Inca Tern. truly, hipsters ruin everything

6. Tragopan. it looks like a star wars species, which i dislike on principle 

7. The Secretary Bird. it wears yoga pants.

also i’m uncomfortable with the length of its eyelashes

8. finally, i really dislike this one specific parakeet

in conclusion, these birds exist to haunt me and this knowledge is a burden. birds exist to observe our sin; always watching, they are filled with malice. flee from them

[babyanimalgifs]

Ain’t nothing gonna break my stride [sound on]

(via)

[schnappchat]

aaaand i made a compilation of my favorite cat vines

[princesstigerbelle]

Wish we could bring all of them back

[perezhilton]

[stupendousmelody]

When you are one with the music

[thirstym8nd]

Luvs it

[rae-redacted]

WHO IS SHE

[guyofyear]

ALONDRA DE LA PARRA

[theunimpairedcondition]

[counterpunches]

#a warning to anyone out there attracted to women#she looks great in a tux

[missmarionmac]

Have some more photos of her in action, because I love her:

And my all-time favorite:

[houseofgriffons]

She looks like she’s casting spells

[marvellouslymadmim]

I'mma add some more, because her intensity and passion make her absolutely fascinating to watch.

And also: Aliens.

[sapphoschld]

okay w o w here’s a ring and my heart have fun with it

[smartassjen]

Wow. So this is what love at first sight feels like. Cool.

[outforhealth]

Music appreciate post. 

[lost-carcosa]

Alondra de la Parra

[jackironsides]

Wait, she’s the conductor for the Queensland Symphony Orchestra??

[elodieunderglass]

She’s having such a good time!

[markv5]

– Смотри: я сфинкс….

[littleoldariel]

Can someone please translate this I feel like it’s important

[redportrait]

“look: i’m a sphinx”

[ladyshinga]

you’re right that was important