Mike’s fear of saying I love you to El is very layered and so complex and I genuinely don’t understand how people jump to the most unrelated conclusions (to prove their fanon interpretation of him ofc) instead of just realizing what the show’s been telling and showing us the entire time about Mike’s character.
To start off, I just want to say that I don’t think he was consciously avoiding saying it at first. It was more of a defense mechanism that developed when the long distance started. That’s why he was so taken aback during that s4 fight with her. He was surprised she had even noticed it because he himself was unconsciously avoiding it ever since the fated day of El telling him she loves him back and then leaving town. In s3, He did try to explain his feelings hoping that she’d understand what he’s talking about in that supermarket scene (and now we know that she did understand and was totally messing with him which makes this scene even funnier).
1. Mike’s biggest fear canonically is losing El so this is one of the main reasons for him being afraid to say it. Every single time he takes some big step, he ends up losing her right after. Admitting that he likes her and kissing her only for her to disappear in s1, them finally getting together but then Hopper getting in between them and causing El to dump him in s3 (which he argues is just a break not a break up lmao), him finding out she actually did hear his “I love her and I can’t lose her again” outburst and then leaving for Lenora right after. He always ends up losing her., one way or another.
2. As Mike explained, he feels like he’s not good enough for her. He believes that he was just lucky enough to be the one to find her and if she realized that, she’ll realize that he’s just some nerd who doesn’t deserve her and he will lose her again but also emotionally this time. This is Mike’s most human and relatable emotion of all (to me at least), he’s afraid of laying it all out on the table and then getting hurt. He believes that if he doesn’t fully admit to his feelings then he can play them off as nbd and it wouldn’t hurt as bad when (in his opinion) El eventually realizes she doesn’t actually need nor want him and leaves him.
3. Mike is just not good at expressing his feelings. We see it multiple times throughout the show. He couldn’t express in words to El that he liked her so he kissed her instead, his rebellious stage to deal with his grief over losing El, he started kicking and hitting and screaming at Hopper for keeping El from him in probably the only outburst of that magnitude we’ve ever seen from him, the “blank makes you crazy” scene.
4. Unlike Lucas who’s very logical, Mike’s very emotional but he’s action oriented rather than verbally expressive. Mike’s love language is acts of service. That’s why he’s so confident and point blank when he argues back “I say it” in that bedroom fight. He does say it A LOT and very loudly too…just not in words as much.
5. Mike believes that people will only like/want him if they need him. He’s always taken such a leadership role and taken care of and supported his friends and El that he doesn’t know anything else. The van talk with Will reinforced that because Will is basically telling him that yes, he is the heart so El and the party will always need him. I see how this could reassure Mike in that moment for the short term but on the long run, it’s just kind of a toxic way of thinking and feeding into his insecurities. This boy honestly needs therapy because this is all just too much for any person to deal with, let alone a teenager who already has trouble expressing his emotions.
6. His mom’s obvious disdain for his dad. Mike also clearly doesn’t think that highly of him either while he does rely on his mom for emotional support. Growing up with that type of “role model” for a relationship wouldn’t exactly fill any teenager with confidence to healthily express their emotions.
Mike Wheeler has been misunderstood for too damn long in this fandom and it breaks my heart because I do relate to him so much.
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