Hi

20/United Kingdom/Plagued with BPD, PTSD and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Ask me anything

[its--5am-deactivated20190318]

[bpdpal]

my impulse control is nonexistent. i know the difference between right and wrong and yet i always give in to doing the wrong thing just because i want to. i feel so guilty abt everything but also i?? have this disconnect from reality so i don’t feel bad about anything really. i just literally can’t stop but i fucking wish i could

[borderlinebeee]

someone: hey are you doing okay?

me, planning my suicide and violently self-sabotaging: yeah why

[brighteyesdullmind-deactivated2]

*gets hurt*

*throws myself deeper into the void of impulse decisions which ultimately leads to getting hurt*

Me: Why am I always in pain

[softgloom]

hell brain: cut off all ur hair!! me: what?? no !! hell brain: snip snip

[survivingontheborderline]

((Click the picture, I’m sorry I’m on mobile))

“I learned that people with BPD process things differently. They see everything as a threat, and their own bodies actually go into fight-or-flight mode. A simple comment can be perceived as a threat or incite fear of abandonment. Their reaction is not planned, and it is not manipulation; it is impulsive and reckless. And they regret it afterward, which then results in a cycle of shame and guilt. It is heartbreaking.”

I’m on the verge of tears with the validation and how much I can relate to this down to my own core.

[joyless-divisionn]

me: I’m literally gonna fucking kill my myself I’m tired of it all

me the day of my therapy session: yeah no I’ve been doing well for the past week like I feel like I’m getting my life together you know

[degraded-dolly]

some bpd things i don’t think i’ve seen people discuss:

- being quiet when you first meet someone so you can work out what kind of person they are and then tailor your personality to what you think they’d prefer

- choosing a personality for a date/meetup/interview/whatever is even more important than choosing an outfit

- tfw neurotypicals interpret you saying “i’ve been good” as “mental illness who? never heard of her” when in reality it’s more like “it’s been 2 days since our last abandonment scare”

- having a fight with someone due to mood swings and then it being awkward 20 minutes later when they’re pissed off and your mood has swung back up and you don’t care for what you just fought about

- cutting someone off before they can, then dissociating for the next month straight because you don’t know who the fuck you are without them

- forgiving someone. then un-forgiving them. rinse and repeat.

[skelet0nflowerx-deactivated2018]

wow

[criminalizes]

bpd is either being suffocated by overwhelming nothingness or overwhelming everythingness

[deactivated-blog]

Gotta love this borderline feel when you can only either do something risky or burst into pieces

[tachylyte]

me whenever I start missing someone who traumatized me: 🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪

[realisticrecovery-deactivated20]

having a personality disorder is so exhausting because you have terrible impulses and you can’t act on them. it’s like being a vicious rebellious kid and a responsible adult at the same time. it’s a constant fight. and god i just feel imprisoned and tired

[criminalizes]

bpd.png

[beingdreeyore]

“While many people view those with BPD as dishonest or manipulative, brain scans suggest otherwise: Data shows that the prefrontal cortex shuts down when those with BPD become stressed, therefore preventing them from purposefully lying or manipulating. In simple terms, people with BPD simply react without forethought or premeditation.”

~ From This is Not The End: Conversations on Borderline Personality Disorder

[cash4mould]

When you’re sad AF but you can’t communicate without flirting

[bpdjayjay]

getting diagnosed with bpd is such a ride bc on one hand you’re like “thank god I finally know why I feel and do all these things” and on the other hand it’s like “oh shit this thing will never go away ever”

[ohdearwhatcouldthematterbe]

Contradiction

I feel older than I should

Yet I still feel like a child

Too serious

Yet too wild

I under trust

And overshare

I’m apathetic

I shut down because I care

I love with every ounce of my being 

I lose interest at the drop of a hat

I’m a unique kind of mess

Yet I’m a copycat

I’m loyal

But flakey

My morals are strong

My opinions are shaky

I feel too much 

Or not at all

I’m full of myself

Or I feel so small

I’m a person-shaped paradox