piecing myself back together @ohdearwhatcouldthematterbe - Tumblr Blog

Trying my hardest to clean my heart

of the mess you left there

Scrub off all the blame

that you put on me

#Emotional abuse #Neglect #Actuallyptsd #actuallytraumatized #trauma poem #bpd poem #actuallyborderline

#actuallybpd #actuallyborderline #bpd poem #actuallytraumatised #neglect poem #trauma poem #abuse poem #emotional abuse poem #emotional abuse

#abuse poem #trauma poem #bpd poem #actuallybpd #actuallyborderline #actuallytraumatised #actuallyptsd

My eyes are glazed over like a thick fog

My tear ducts turn to rain clouds

And from my throat the wind howls

My fingers drum like rain drops on glass

My heart beats like thunder as they walk past

A tornado is spun as I twirl my hair

You should be aware of the earthquake created from the shaking of my feet on the floor

And the heatwave burning me up at my core

Throughout all of this weather

No one asked me whether I'm okay

#trauma poem #actuallytraumatised #bpd poem #actuallyborderline #mental illness poem #anxiety poem #ptsd poem

My borderline personality disorder is my addiction It doesn’t do me any good Medication provides stability But sometimes I throw that away

I don’t know if my intention is to sabotage myself All I know is I stop And I feel lighter, free, wild I feel creative and fun

Then the fun stops I can’t stop thinking about dying I can’t stop crying I let all the emotions back in full force With it comes all the heaviness and darkness

I feel hopeless and helpless

It takes me a while to care about myself enough to want to take my medication

I take it again

All the time knowing I’m tempted by the high of the mania and I could sell my sanity for the price of a brief moment of euphoria

#bpd poem #bpd poetry #actuallyborderline #actuallybpd #bpd #borderline personality disorder #ssri #tw addiction #tw high #addiction

#tw death #death #bpd poem #bpd poetry #borderline poem #mental illness poem #mental illness #actuallybpd #actuallyborderline #ptsd poem #actuallyptsd

#abuse poem #abuse poetry #trauma poem #child abuse #child abuse poem #csa poem #csa #mental illness poem #actuallytraumatised #actuallytraumatized

#coming forward about abuse #abuse poem #trauma poem #child abuse poem #child abuse #childhood trauma #actuallyabused #actuallytraumatised #actuallytraumatized #burning bridges #removing toxic people

#abuse poem #trauma poem #coming forward about abuse #child abuse poem #child abuse #childhood trauma #actuallytraumatised #actuallytraumatized

#abuse poem #trauma poem #child abuse #child abuse poem #actuallytraumatised #actuallytraumatized

#csa #csa poem #sexual abuse poem #molestation poem #trauma poem #trauma poetry #child abuse poem #child abuse #coming forward about abuse #actuallytraumatised #actuallytraumatized

scarred

I am emotional and teary

I am wounded and weary

My brain has many emotional scars

Like a night sky full of stars

Burning hot inside my mind

In the dark its all I find

I start seeing constellations

Lines between what happened and me

I blame myself for existing in moments created by others

My first response is to erase my memories by erasing me

I think these things so carelessly

I have to relearn that I deserve to take up space

I have to embrace this wasn’t my fault

To put down the salt

To allow myself to just be

Despite a mind full of debris

#ptsd poem #abuse poem #trauma poem #actuallyptsd #actuallyabused #actuallytraumatised #actuallytraumatized #ptsd #tw suicide #t suicidal ideation

Life is vibrant

Full of colour

Full of noise

Full of people

Desaturation

Quiet

Lonely

#bpd poem #bpd poetry #actuallybpd #actuallyborderline #mood swings #mood swings poem #personality disorder #mental illness poem

Small goodness

A change of place

A friendly face is required

Human contact is desired

Of any kind

Whatever I can find

I need softness

While my mind is rough

A simple gesture is enough

To smooth and soothe the harsh edges in my point of view

All I need is to know the world outside my brain has good

My brain is filtering out good

That’s understood

But it exists in the world

Even in the small

I attempt to break down my brick wall

Make a window

And observe

New information for my optic nerve

Something to counteract all the sharpness and black

To try and find what I lack

To get myself back

Piece by piece

#bpd poem #actuallybpd #actuallyborderline #depressive episode #depression poem #mental illness poem

Bystander

You don’t deserve me

You’re prepared to serve me up to a monster

Just so your life doesn’t have to change

#coming forward about abuse #csa poem #csa #child abuse poem #trauma poem #actuallyabused #actuallytraumatised #actuallytraumatized

I would choose...

You can’t choose your upbringing

You can’t choose your family

I would choose someone who believes me

when I tell them all the worst things that happened to me

I would choose someone who holds me tight

Who tells me not to fight back the tears

To let them flow

They don’t let go until I’m ready

I would choose someone who sees the truth

And sees the toxic

Who gets rid of them from our life like an antibiotic

Someone who tells me that person was in the wrong

Its okay, they are gone

I would choose someone who see that I’m strong

but protects me

Instead I have someone who rejects me

For telling the truth

#coming forward about abuse #abuse poem #child abuse poem #trauma poem #actuallyabused #actuallytraumatised #actuallytraumatized #abuse #child abuse

Letter

You wrote me a letter

My rib-cage rips apart

You leave me with paper-cuts to my heart

Words tattooed in my head

I’m blue and I’m red

Anger ignites

Yet the red and blue fights

I’m purple smoke

And I choke

I trusted you with my heart

I think this is where we depart

The paper cuts you gave act as a line in the sand

With pen in hand, You sever our bond

I don’t know how to respond

I’m purple smoke in the air

I wish you would care

#you chose my abuser over me #seeing me away from him just doesnt work for you #im blue #actuallyabused #coming forward about abuse #abuse poem #trauma poem #actuallytraumatised #actuallytraumatized

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piecing myself back together