My favorite oneshot and longshot reads and re-reads focusing on the Kakashi/Sakura pairing. Fics listed in no particular order. This list is a work-in-progress, with new additions added as I read and/or find old favs! All stories sourced from AO3 unless otherwise noted. Current list count: 12 stories.
-> Better Left Unsaid by Goldfishlover73
Rating: M / Words: 1k
Sakura loves the series Midnight Shinobi. Her books are worn and well loved. And she finally has the opportunity to meet the writer! As she struggles with what to say, she knows she needs to make sure not to let him know her secret.
I fucking screamed at the end of this. Oh my god. The secondhand embarrassment! I love almost everything Goldfishlover73 writes and this is no exception. Modern AU writer Kakashi is probably one of my fav modern AU settings and this one is just great.
-> In Good Company by al_holland
Rating: E / Words: 13k
When Kakashi watched from his dinky one-bedroom as a single mother and her daughter moved in, he did not expect he would be impacted in any way. He didn’t have any intention of ever interacting with them, and he knew that he lived a generally unobtrusive lifestyle that would likely make his presence basically forgettable.
Oh, how wrong he was.
Sakura and Sarada move into a new apartment after the dissolution of Sakura and Sasuke's marriage. Her life is in shambles, but thankfully, she has a very helpful neighbour.
Another modern AU with a reverse age twist: hot mom Sakura and sweet grad student Kakashi across the hall. Sarada is a scheming little menace. It's a really cute story with a steamy, satisfying conclusion.
-> Make Me Lose Control by LindLuirae
Rating: E / Words: 6k
A mission to Ame turns into a paid vacation, and Kakashi and Sakura find themselves crossing all sorts of lines.
This one offers really only some loose plot to contextualize the smut, but that loose plot is really very cute. The dynamic between Kakashi and Sakura is really entertaining and the smut is great, too.
-> The Adventures of Drunk Kakashi by hallowedmaiden
Rating: M / Words: 8k
Sakura pressed her hand to her face. “What the hell do I do with a drunk Kakashi?”
“Love him,” Kakashi offered helpfully, still grinning.
Just some good 'ol fashioned drunken shenanigans. No smut, but lots of UST and humor and really entertaining dialogue.
-> Hell's Bells and Buckets of Blood by technicalspirit
Rating: E / Words: 12k
A simple scheme to snatch Kakashi's training bells gets massively out-of-hand when Sakura recruits Anko, who, for some reason, thinks the best way to acquire them involves a cherry flavored lollipop.
This one had me absolutely howling. The dynamics between all the characters are so good, their characterizations feel thoughtful, the smut feels earned, and some of the dialogue is lough out loud worthy.
-> Five Septembers by the_road_I_know
Rating: E / Words: 5k
Kakashi doesn't know how to be loved. Sakura has never had a problem loving him. A story of wishes and wants and falling in love from birthday to birthday.
A super cute story told in snippets and scenes of five consecutive birthdays. So cute, and in the typical style of this author (whose other words are fantastic and I highly recommend), filled with tenderness and longing.
-> Cartography by frostings
Rating: G / Words: 5.5k
To find yourself, sometimes you have to get lost.
Pining, running, soul-searching and seeing the world. It's fast-paced but jam-packed and I love the dynamic it slowly reveals between Sakura and Kakashi over the course of the story.
-> What's In a Name by goldfishlover73
Rating: M / Words: 4.3k
Sakura watched as the stick fell from the wall, clattering like a judge's gavel to the ground. Sealing her fate. Because the lines were pink. And they were there. Right on the stick. And Sakura Haruno was three months pregnant. By a man she didn’t know.
Funny and cute and really just very sweet. A great Sukea story.
-> The Blood Red Cherry Blossoms by goldfishlover73
Rating: T / Words: 10.9k
Kakashi falls ill and Sakura and Naruto start the impossible mission to find a cure. To find his lady love.
THE KakaSaku Hanahaki story. Get ready for angst because this will wreck you.
-> Family of Choice by Atherismoonchild
Rating: T / Words: 5.6k
After years of loneliness as Sasuke's absent wife, Sakura finds solace and stability in Kakashi.
Really sweet with just a pinch of angst, with lots of Kakashi/Sarada love! Big fan of Papashi and this is a lovely take. Also has some nice balance in that it has a divorce that doesn't completely throw Sasuke under the bus.
-> Beneath the Skin by Atanih88
Rating: M / Words: 4k
In which Kakashi gets hit with sex pollen and Sakura has god-tier chakra control.
A sex-pollen fic with a twist, in which no sex is had but the UST is off the charts.
-> Stay Strong and Sterilize by Mrssakurahatake
Rating: M / Words: 2.6k
Even in times of peace the hospital never slows down. In fact, a new category of injuries was keeping them as busy as every.
She took her time crossing his office before taking the seat in one of the two chairs that sat across from his desk. “So, why was I dragged out of my office for this unscheduled meeting? You might not have better things to do, but I do.”
“If you’re so busy, how did you have time to send reports to my desk about the private sex lives of active duty shinobi?”
The smile that spread across her face was positively evil, possibly even gloating. “It’s a serious issue; since the village has been in a time of peace we’ve seen a significant uptick in sex related injuries.”
Okay, this one is so funny though. and realistically, this is exactly what would happen in peace time, I'm genuinely surprised there aren't more fics about that. Love this one, it had me howling.
My favorite multi-chapter reads and re-reads focusing on the Kakashi/Sakura pairing. Fics listed in no particular order. This list is a work-in-progress, with new additions added as I read and/or find old favs! All stories sourced from AO3 unless otherwise noted.
Completed fics listed first, then in-progress fics I'm currently following and obsessed with.
Last Updated: 9/29/25
-:-:-:-
COMPLETE
-> The Misadventures of Kakashi and the Girl from Nowhere by Goldfishlover73
Rating: M / Words: 137k
When a girl called Sakura seemingly falls in the sky, Kakashi is skeptical. Far more skeptical than the rest of Team Minato are. War is approaching quickly and this strange girl is leaving more questions than answers in her wake, Kakashi must decide where his trust and loyalties lie in a constantly changing world.
A time-travel AU told from Kakashi's perspective, beginning at the age of ten on Team Minato before the deaths of, well, Team Minato. SUCH an interesting take on the classic time-travel AU. Features angst, cozy Team Minato, and a really well written progression of Kakashi's maturity as he grows up, struggles with the traumas of war, and slowly falls in love with the mysterious "Uzumaki Sakura".
One of the things I really loved about this fic was the way it so effectively addressed some of the canon plot holes, as well as the expected plot holes of a time travel AU. It has a really satisfying plot wrap, some BAMF Sakura, and Kakashi's perspective is really well written and interesting to read. I stayed up all night reading this and deeply regretted in the morning as I zombie-walked my way into work, lol.
-> House Calls by LadyofSnark
Rating: M / Words: 229.7k
Always the Team Mom, Sakura opens up her home as a clinic for the hospital-phobic ninja of Konoha. At the same time, her relationship with Kakashi begins to evolve in a way she never expected.
Super cute, fun, cozy, with an interesting premise. Well written and has a really interesting dynamic between Sakura and Kakashi which does not start off necessarily easy or smooth at the start of the fic, even if it is friendly. A very long slow burn you can sink your teeth into.
-> Another Life by Bluefurcape
Rating: E / Words: 52.8k
Sometimes you start wondering about what could have been…
Technically a cheating fic--with a twist! Sakura starts having strange dreams in which she's married to Kakashi, and the dreams (in conjunction with very real complaints about her marriage) make her questions whether marrying Sasuke was the right choice. The mechanism behind the dreams is really, really interesting, and the way their marriage spirals out of control, the anguish over its effects on Sarada--and Sakura's emotional turmoil surrounding it all--is page-turning.
-> The Exciting Adventures of Lotus Man, Blue Boy and the Not-So-Relucant Doctor Petals by goldfishlover73
Rating: E / Words: 186k
Sakura enters college with the dream of becoming a top tier nurse. Little did she know her trajectory in life was about to change. Really, they should put the hell portal that's in the middle of campus in the brochure. Or the two mini skirt wearing super heroes… or maybe not. At least she has a cute neighbor.
I honestly don't even know how to describe this one. It's a wild ride. It's cute, it's silly, it made me laugh and made me hold my breath and clutch my phone with anticipation. I loved it.
-> Dear Future You by Scarecrows_to_CherryTrees
Rating: E / Words: 80k
Sakura is accidently sent 15 years back to when Team 7 is just starting out. She knows Kakashi, but Kakashi certainly doesn't know her. At least...not yet.
Or: What is it like meeting the love of your life, before they even know what you mean to them? Love is not always on equal footing, but it can grow to be.
A time travel fic, in which Sakura accidentally gets sent back in time to Kakashi's ANBU years, and they get stuck together while they try and find a way to send her back. Something of an enemies to lovers, Kakashi falls so hard and it's just delicious; even better as Sakura's secrets are slowly revealed. Extremely well written and well paced, I devoured it in a night.
-> Silver Lining by Thinknicht
Rating: T / Words: 60.5k
They were the only ones left.
Written around a really interesting premise surrounding the fourth war: everyone gets cocooned, and a resistance is built out of those who manage to break free. Stars BAMF Sakura and supportive Kakashi, with a quiet romance bubbling beneath the surface. It's unusually written in that the first half deals a lot with more serious/dramatic themes and plot-heavy stuff, and the second half is a largely light-hearted and fluffy, focusing on romantic relationship development; but I liked that--kind of gives you the best of both worlds.
-> There Will Be Time by thekatthatbarks
Rating: T / Words: 39k
Naruto doesn't want to be Hokage anymore. Tsunade picks Sakura as her successor. Sakura accepts the hat but doesn't know how to accept the praise and confidence sent her way. Everyone believes in her, but is she really cut out for this?
I loved the premise of this fic! For all that Naruto goes on about being Hokage in the series (and I do love fics with Excellent Hokage Naruto), I thought it was so compelling to explore the idea that, in growing and interacting with the other ninja villages, Naruto realizes Hokage isn't the way he wants to protect Konoha and bring peace to the ninja world. Sakura taking up the mantel was really interesting to read (especially since her mentor is the previous Hokage--so much interest and potential there!). I love a good BAMF Sakura and Supportive Kakashi fic, and this definitely qualifies. With Kakashi falling for this powerful, inspirational woman along the way, of course!
-> A Brief Introspection on Sunflowers by MurderMittens
Rating: E / Words: 67.8k
Sakura and Kakashi meet at a bar. The sex is not unexpected. What is unexpected is everything that follows afterwards.
An age-swap AU where Sakura is a Big Somebody and Kakashi is a lovestruck college boy pining after a woman otherwise way out of his league were it not for the fact she is pining in return. Really interesting clan dynamics with Sakura as the ex-Uchiha matriarch and the daughter of a wealthy merchant. Super interesting character backstories as well, and relationship dynamics that feel compelling and grounded. The author gives the characters room to grow with and outside of each other, which I love. Very well written. Excellent smut scenes and tender romance!
-> Code of Conduct by LindtLuirae
Rating: E / Words: 11.8k
“You did this,” he murmured, suddenly sure she had meant for them to arrive at this exact position.
“Did what?” Her innocent tone belied her telling smirk.
“Made me want you,” he husked, their faces inches apart, held there by the tattered remains of his better judgment.
A same-age ANBU AU in which Sakura gets put on Kakashi's ANBU team. What starts as conflict slowly and then all at once becomes attraction. Well paced, snappy, compelling relationship dynamics, great writing. An excellent short read!
-> Red Strings and Lilac Skies by siuilaruin
Rating: E / Words: 90.5k
The seduction mission is where they start. It is not where they end. / A canon-divergent AU where there's a seduction mission between the Kage summit and the war; where Sakura moves on from Sasuke; where love is a hearth fire instead of a wildfire.
I am super, super picky about my seduction mission stories (I say, writing a seduction mission story). This one surprised me because Sakura starts out as a virgin which is not usually my thing. But it was handled well. The whole social dynamic surrounding seduction missions in general was handled well. The character development and pacing was good, and the treatment by the narrative and by other characters of both Sakura and Kakashi after their mission felt realistic and grounded.
Actually most of the story takes place after the mission (which is only a chapter long). The mission itself is a catalyst for the emotions which come later, and the development of their romantic relationship. All-in-all, the smut was excellent, the longing was delicious, and the characters were interesting and dynamic.
Warnings for dub-con and non-con elements, and references to rape and pedophilia (all characters in the present-tense narrative are 19+ at the time of sexual activity).
-> The Danger of Smudged Storage Seals by bluemingqueen
Rating: M / Words: 53.9k
Sakura should have known that Naruto taking an interest in seals would lead to disaster. In hindsight, maybe she should have looked to see if the piece of paper she’d pressed a chakra-laden finger to was the explosive seal or the slightly smudged miniature storage seal containing all of her shinobi registration documents.
A twist on the usual time-travel AU; young Sakura gets sent back in time and ends up on Kakashi's team seven under Minato where, slowly but surely, she finds her place as a ninja (and in the heart of the team's coldest member!). Very, very cute, with really interesting character development for Sakura.
-> Looped by MyMindsMadness
Rating: M / Words: 20.6k
Time, although a funny thing, is also very precious. That’s why Kakashi decides to give Sakura time for her birthday… or did she give it to him? Time travel can be a bit confusing…
For her twenty-first birthday, Kakashi sends Sakura back in time to accompany a younger version of him through the most important events in his life. He only does so because she’d already done it… which means he’d already done it, or he wouldn’t think to do it now… he thinks.
Another time-travel AU, this time a closed time loop. Really cute to see the way Sakura and Kakashi's relationship develops as she hops through his timeline. Fun, a little sentimental, a little spicy. A long enough story to satisfy but short enough to read quickly in an afternoon. Perfection.
-> Star Magnolia by scorpiogojo
Rating: E / Words: 17.9k
Two years after the Fourth Shinobi War, Hatake Kakashi prepares to take on the role of Hokage — and breaks up with the only woman he’s ever loved.
Haruno Sakura, brokenhearted and still very much in love, lets him go.
But Konoha is small, their wounds are big, and love never really leaves when it's real. After their quiet unraveling and brutal separation, will they find the slow, tender, irrevocable way to find each other again?
Aaaaaaangggsstttt, all aboard the angst train! Starts post-breakup, with frequent short flashbacks filling in context. A nice, quick read, full of drama, angst, and passion. Well, written, good smut--an engaging, quick read.
-> An Icha Icha Romance by Melody_Grace
Rating: T / Words: 10.6k
In which Kakashi isn’t the only perverted member of former Team 7, and people fall in love in mysterious ways.
Sakura sneaks into a sex shop under a henge for some new steamy romance novels and runs into Kakashi. Flirting and shenanigans ensue. Features soft!Kakashi and flustered!Sakura. Super cute, well written, well paced. A really fun read!
-> Dreaming's End by thepiedsniper
Rating: T / Words: 107.2k
Sakura didn't avoid the Infinite Tsukuyomi with the others, and all the events that happened afterward were simply the product of her dream-state. When Sakura finally wakes up from years spent in her personal "paradise," she must to learn how to start again. Kakashi is there to help her.
A really interesting premise--that all of the material of Boruto was Sakura's infinite tsukuyomi dream. The story follows her struggle both to come to grips with having spent that much of her life in a dream, feeling aged beyond her years, struggling to tell the difference between genjutsu and reality--and Kakashi, by her side, helping her heal.
-> The Roles We Play by insomnikat
Rating: M / Words: 45.6k
Guide and support. Defend and heal. In the grand scheme of Life, these were the roles Kakashi and Sakura had probably always been meant to play. And it had been enough… until it wasn't.
A really thoughtful, nuanced portrayal of Sakura's heartache in the early years of her marriage with toddler Sarada, coming to terms with her unhappiness and loneliness. Kakashi is there to see her break and steps in to support--and along the way, they fall in love. An affair fic that is really so much more. Beautifully written with a snappy pace, smitten Kakashi, and satisfying KakaSaku moments littered throughout. Lots of yearning and dancing around each other and "We Cant"s. I absolutely ate this up.
-> The Problem With How Time Works by MurderMittens
Rating: E / Words: 39.4k
"I don't remember you being this uncomfortable when Kakashi was nine and had a crush on you," Ino pointed out neutrally. "You thought it was flattering before."
She moved to pour more wine into their glasses as Sakura exhaled sharply out of her nostrils.
"Obviously! It was fucking cute when he was a kid! But now he's..." she trailed off, gesticulating feebly.
Ino, taking pity on her, finished the sentence: "Now he's a stone cold hottie who looks and sounds like he'd murder the ever-loving shit out of your vagina."
An age-swap AU where Kakashi falls for his sensei Sakura and pursues her ardently when she returns to Konoha after years of training. She absolutely has a meltdown over it before finally giving in. So cute!! Well written, fun, sweet, and a little spicy.
-> Heavy Reading by bluefurcape
Rating: E / Words: 39k+
A terrible book series might be Sakura's only chance to save Kakashi's life.
I adore this story. It's a quick, snappy read, which as a busy adult I appreciate in a fic--but honestly the premise is so good I kind of wish the author had made it into a detailed long fic instead! The premise and setting is so fun, and the characters are delightfully rich. Kakashi gets captured on a mission and employs a jutsu to protect his mind and Konoha's secrets from foreign invasion--only it of course, goes awry, and when he's brought back to Konoha he's trapped in his own mental labyrinth reenacting a book series he and Sakura shared throughout the previous several months. Super cute, fun, and incredibly creative.
IN-PROGRESS
-> Mission x Papa by HokageHotake
Rating: M / Words: 20k+
Her dad had tried to kill her. It didn’t matter that it hadn’t been on purpose, or that he hadn’t even recognized her. That truth cut deeper than the blade he’d almost driven through her heart. But Sarada wasn’t one to dwell (too much). If her father wasn’t willing to be the man of the family, she’d find someone else who was.
Or, Sarada sets out to set her mom up with the finest bachelor in Konoha. And if the lucky guy also happens to make a great new papa? Well, that’s just killing two birds with one kunai.
I absolutely ADORE this story. Told entirely from Sarada's perspective, it follows her trying to get Kakashi to teach her how to use her newly activated Sharingan while also contemplating him as a romantic prospect for her mom, while ALSO trying to deal with the realization that her father doesn't know her at all and has functionally abandoned her. Extremely well written and well paced, with fantastic characterization. The developing relationship between Sarada and Kakashi is extremely compelling, and the third-person perspective on Kakashi and Sakura's relationship is riveting. I straight up run for AO3 when new updates are posted.
-> Chikai (Oath) by megamomprime
Rating: M / Words: 60k+
After nearly succumbing to a brutal injury during her last mission, Sakura regains consciousness in the hospital a month later only to discover she has absolutely no memory of the last four years. During the recovery process, she struggles to reckon with just how much her life has changed.
A slow burn with soft Kakashi and Relationship Dynamics (tm), this story is so tender and sweet and full of emotion, and both of them are so vulnerable, uncertain, and gentle with the other. Well written, and the author captures their characters so well. Their relationship struggle is set against a really interesting social setting (Kakashi's inauguration as Rokudaime), and the nature of Sakura's memory loss is also really fascinating and thoughtfully done!
-> The Healing Slugs Sage by BrazilianWriter
Rating: E / Words: 139k+
The war has come to an end. Madara won. In a world destroyed by his power, a dying Obito uses his last strength to give the last other person alive the chance to continue living.
Or: Six years after the fall of the resistance, Sakura is sent to an alternative universe to save her life. A universe in which everyone she knew is not dead anymore, with the exception of Tsunade Senju, who never existed and, therefore, never created medical ninjutsu. A universe in which medicine is almost fifty years behind, ninjas die like flies and Sakura is the only one who knows how to cure them.
The premise of this fic is really interesting, and if you like bamf Sakura this one is for you. It is definitely Sakura-centric, with a very slow-boil romance. Tons of interesting world building and relationship development. Long chapters, though updates are extremely sporadic.
-> A Guide to Icha Icha Neighbors by thereddqueen
Rating: E / Words: 53.1k+
She moved to escape the trauma. She didn’t expect to live next to it. By it, being defined as a man with perfect beach hair, defined abs, and a tendency to be ruthlessly annoying at all hours of the day and night. After burning out as one of the top trauma surgeons in the city, Sakura Haruno escapes to a quiet beach town hoping to rebuild her life and her sanity. A new job. A fresh start. No more blood or broken hearts. But the mysterious man next door who is just too cocky, mysterious, and always in black might just unravel the peace she's worked so hard to find.
Sakura suffers burnout as an ER surgeon and moves to a beach town to find some peace at a small, local clinic; but she also finds she has a hot new neighbor! Features surfer!Kakashi, beach vibes, a mysterious military past, interesting worldbuilding, and tender romance. Very cozy, sweet, and fun!
-> A Novel Idea by mummapaintstheblues
Rating: E / Words: 33k+
Kakashi has spent his years of retirement building sanctuaries for his sanity around the village of Konoha. Sometimes a man just needs a quiet place to read a good book, and sometimes he needs to share that space with a fellow reader who needs her own peace of mind.
A cozy book fic in which Kakashi builds elaborate and secluded reading nooks and annoys librarians.
The summary does NOT does this gem justice. It is so, SO cute, a love letter to both readers and writers. Book nerd Kakashi shares his secret reading hideaways with Sakura and romance unexpectedly blooms. Each book they share with each other is a real world book and the author's choices are hilarious and on-point for their characters. And the way Kakashi falls for her... oh! So sweet!
Gets regular updates and has some accompanying art by the author!
The Scarecrows and Cherry Blossoms Discord Server Presents: KakaSaku Week 2025, Time To Fall In Love, September 22nd-28th.
Prompts for KakaSaku Week 2025: Time to Fall in Love are live!
Each day has two options for an autumnal setting for your art/fic to take place in, followed by a smattering of prompts to choose from. Feel free to use one, two, three, or even all four prompts given for the day! Use as little or as much as you’d like. Fics, art, moodboards, songs, we want to see them all! (It's understood that some of these may require a little more explanation, so see below the cut for details.)
Rules:
Art or fics must be centered around our favorite couple, Kakashi and Sakura of course.
Art can be as detailed as you want! Sketches, outlines, vague ideas or full creations–all are welcome!
No minimum or maximum word count. Write whatever your heart desires and is inspired to write.
Please tag all NSFW and DD works appropriately so consumers can cultivate their reading/viewing experience to what they like. No content is banned, but we do ask that if it is in the NSFW or DD realm, to please give appropriate CW labels.
No AI works, art, fics, or anything that is created using AI will be accepted for this event.
Have fun!!!
An AO3 collection will be made once the week arrives to gather all the fics created, and be sure to tag the blog for any posts made here on tumblr! We’ll be using the tag #KakaSakuWeek2025 to look for people’s creations for the week!
Have questions? Want to brainstorm with others? Need to gush about KakaSaku in general? Send us an ask.... or come join our Discord! We're open for ONE WEEK starting today, ending next Monday (9/08), approximately 9:20 PM EST.
Click here to join the KakaSaku Server!
See below the cut to read the prompts listed out separate from the flyer!
Time to Fall in Love Prompts (September 22nd-28th)
Day 1, Monday, 9/22–Autumnal Equinox Day or Outdoor Movie Night
🌸Pumpkin spice
🐺Hoodie
🍂 Line Dancing
🍃 “I can’t do this without you.”
Day 2, Tuesday9/23–Chilly Nights Around the Bonfire or Pumpkin Patch
🌸 Cozy reading time
🐺 Body Swap/Role Reversal
🍂 Sharing Secrets
🍃 “What have I gotten myself into…”
Day 3, Wednesday 9/24–Corn Maze or Apple Bobbing
🌸 Holding Hands
🐺 Cozy Socks
🍂 Coffee Order
🍃 “Not in front of the kids.”
Day 4, Thursday 9/25–Soup/Chili Cookoff or Leaf Pile Diving
🌸 Confessions
🐺 Touch Starved
🍂 Sweater Weather
🍃“No one will believe you.”
Day 5, Friday 9/26–Farm Hay Rides or Flea Market
🌸 Scarves
🐺 Mulled wine/cider
🍂 Sunset
🍃“I don’t think she would approve.”
Day 6, Saturday 9/27–Trick-or-Treat or Farmer’s Market
🌸 Forbidden Jutsu
🐺 The Witching Hour
🍂 Red String of Fate
🍃 “When did you get that?”
Day 7, Sunday 9/28–Costume Parties or Harvest Festival
🌸 Clan Traditions
🐺 Pumpkin Soup
🍂 Suburban Legends
🍃 “Don’t be so dramatic.”
Throughout the day, partners would make requests for connection, what Gottman calls “bids.” For example, say that the husband is a bird enthusiast and notices a goldfinch fly across the yard. He might say to his wife, “Look at that beautiful bird outside!” He’s not just commenting on the bird here: He’s requesting a response from his wife—a sign of interest or support—hoping they’ll connect, however momentarily, over the bird.
The wife now has a choice. She can respond by either “turning toward” or “turning away” from her husband, as Gottman puts it. Though the bird-bid might seem minor and silly, it can actually reveal a lot about the health of the relationship. The husband thought the bird was important enough to bring it up in conversation and the question is whether his wife recognizes and respects that.
These bidding interactions had profound effects on marital well-being. Couples who had divorced after a six-year follow-up had “turn-toward bids” 33 percent of the time. Only three in 10 of their bids for emotional connection were met with intimacy. The couples who were still together after six years had “turn-toward bids” 87 percent of the time. Nine times out of 10, they were meeting their partner’s emotional needs.
Those who showed genuine interest in their partner’s joys were more likely to be together.
I think that is ABSOLUTELY what a lot of that is. Our culture is very isolated (even BEFORE covid!), and we’re desperate to connect with others. I read an article one time that suggested that childcare workers stop saying that a child is “Just wants attention” and start saying that the child is “looking for connection.” We’re starved for it even from childhood.
When they are speaking about a passion, respond to children as if you would a tenured professor at a prestigious university, and to an adult as if you would a child free of the burdens of adulthood.
Children are desperate to teach the wonders of the world that they know, that they have just learned, and share it with anyone interested. Adults pour passion they didn’t know they had into voluntary obligations, and crave a simple acknowledgment of that passion as being worthy and valid.
“Dear third grader, tell me exactly why you chose <x> as you third favorite carnivorous dinosaur instead of second, as specifically as possible.”
“Hey neighbor, your vegetable garden is absolutely gorgeous this year…and no I’m not just saying that because the tomatoes you gave me last year were absolute perfection.”
And if you can’t respond to the emotional bid at that moment, let them know you heard them. If there’s a gorgeous bird outside, ask your loved one to take a picture so you can share in it together. But by god, hear them. Tell them they were listened to.
That *is* a response though! Telling someone “I’m busy/low on energy right this moment, but if it’s possible, I’d love for you to show me this thing later” works just fine. At least so long as you establish a pattern of actually following up on it, even if it’s just going “hey, wasn’t there a thing you wanted to show me? a bird?”
Most people hate being told “later”, but that’s just because most people who say “later” really mean “I can’t be bothered”.
Naruto: I want to obtain POWER so I can force people to look at me like an actual human being and not a monster, haha! They won't ignore me or isolate me anymore! They're gonna BEG ME and put their lives on my hands and— Oh and ramen. All the ramen. And maybe prove to everyone that they are dumb ass fuck for not believing in me? Yeah, prove them wrong, that's cool! And and and Iruka-sensei is cool! I'm so happy when someone does the bare minimum and respects my life and acknowledges the fact that I'm just a kid and that I'm suffering (one of) the craziest discrimination acts applied by our government Hokage...
Sakura: you know how the first real goal I got like the first thing I wanted for myself after years of being bullied and being nobody and wanting to disappear was the affection of this boy? Well, all these other girls think I don't stand a chance and that they'll get the boy, so I'm gonna win the boy and laugh at their faces. Does it mean that I need validation and affection and attention and love? Not, what are you saying, I have a perfect normal life and parents that are totally involved in my life and I am happy! So happy! I wouldn't know what sadness or loneliness is like! Never! I'm normal and totally nothing to worry about!
Sasuke: you'll find that the things you like in life are meaningless when you carry the trauma of being the sole survivor of a genocide committed by the brother you loved and adored. I want him dead which shouldn't be surprising given that we live in a society ruled by violence, right? I hate a lot of things because I'm painfully aware of how miserable our reality is. Since this is my trauma, no one else has the right to do something about it. They certainly didn't seemto have the balls to go after him, even when they call him criminal, so I'm gonna kill Itachi myself. Obsessed you said? Try enjoying life when you know someone can commit genocide and no one would give a fuck and the government won't do a thing. Try caring for others knowing they can get kill any day and you'll have to look the other way. I dare you to.
Kakashi: *most emotionally neglected adult in the village, abandoned as a kid, saw his father do the right thing and get so socially pressured he ended up commiting suicide and the government didn't give a shit, forced to become a perfect weapon at young age to show off the village strength, forced to become an elite assassin as a kid, people in the village widely making fun of his trauma and acting like he's just weird / peculiar and not on the verge of losing his mind for real, a champ at dissociation and a minute more away taking roots in front of the graves of his mistakes because he spent way too much time there in self-punishment, basically the most miserable jounin in the whole village*
Kakashi: hm, I won't let you get to know me or get close to me because everything I touch dies and I don't want to get attachments because you're soldiers and you might die and it doesn't matter that I have history with two of your families and that you all remind every single minute of the boy I watched die and the girl that I killed and the boy used to be. You will never know any of that. I am a whole man with a whole life that you'll never know because I am just your superior here and you must obey me in our missions. I'm definitely not hiding the fact that the village just failed me and set me up to be the one who failed you all in case you get killed or lose your shit once and for all.
my writing teacher suggested that i start with my characters being in love and some romance (bc they are gonna be separated for a while) and im just like my god. you're so right. delicious romance. *rubbing my face in it* i could write 10000 words of romance.
