Night talks. | AJ
Jay stilled when he heard the bed sheets shift, he relaxed again when Aiden spoke. “I woke you,” he sighed, feeling guilty. He slid his hand away from his face to look at Aiden in the dark. He could just make out a few details from the light coming through the window. Jay slid down the pillows to be level with Aiden, getting a few more details closer like this. “The party sort of died after a water fight. I was tired anyway.. am tired.” he closed his eyes, inhaling deeply as he melted against his pillow. His everything was going to ache tomorrow. Slowly his eyes opened against, finding Aiden’s beautiful face in the shadows.
“I’m sorry…” he whispered. Jay’s brows were pulled together, his lips pursed. He was hesitant in his words. “About earlier. I.. feel guilty over that dare. I thought I needed to tell you before anyone else and… maybe I should have left it for the morning. You’ve had a rough day, I didn’t mean to make it worst… I really didn’t,” he apologized. Jay swallowed the lump in his throat. He felt pulled thin, after such a long day and busy week. He didn’t have all the answers and solutions, which only upset him more. Jay felt torn. It was clear they had issues but it was also clear they worked. Not perfectly but they had time for that later on. He wanted this, them, but could they make it to that point? Was this new guilt a sign things were developing too slow? “Please don’t hate me for one stupid dare.” You could hear the fear in Jay’s voice, even if he tried to hide it. Why was a dare that would have been laughed off a month ago worrying him so much? Was it just for the fact that it was a hard day for Aiden and he didn’t want to make it worst?
theaidenbrady:
Aiden was exhausted. He didn’t want to think about anything, even less when he was already starting to feel the bothers and pain or a bad hangover that would get even worse by sunlight. Yet, judging by the worry and just the tone of voice Jayden used with just two words, Aiden knew this couldn’t wait till morning like he had told him to do so, and well.. after a few seconds of consideration he agreed. He let out a sigh as his eyes fell shut again, just listening to what Jay had to say and he had to admit he’d never considered how different this was from… say the bonfire at the lake. Not that Jay left a hickey on an almost stranger, but he was almost sure that even when he would’ve felt that pull of pain and jealousy if he saw him around someone else, because that had happened since the very first time they met again, but he would’ve laughed at it. Something had changed, and it wasn’t the fact that they were being ‘exclusive’ but probably more about the words exchanged.
“Jay…” He whispered, biting his lip and finally moving his arm across his middle, opening his eyes and urging him to open his own, meet his. He wasn’t in his best state, but no matter in which state he was in, he would’ve felt the same chills down his back when he did. “Look at me,” he said, with his best attempt of a smile. “Do you think I could hate you for… anything at all? And even if I did, I wouldn’t have the right,” he said, trying to think how Jay must’ve felt back in college, when he made out with girls right in front of his nose to keep a stupid cover. “I’m not… I’m not gonna say I’m happy about it, or… okay without it, but… I… We’re not-” Aiden shook his head. “I just… I don’t know. I just got jealous or… something like that. I don’t like sharing, I guess? N-no, that sounds bad. As if I owned you or something and–” Aiden ranted for a bit, stuttering and dragging words here and there. He was nervous for some reason. “I’m scared that, well, you’ll find someone else without baggage and… less sad stories and– you know, stuff.”
Jay stilled as a hand slid over his stomach. He thought maybe he was imagining it, that the beer he’d drunk earlier was coming back to toy with him. It wasn’t under Aiden prompted him to open his eyes did he realize it was true. His hand slid down to rest over Aiden’s wrist as he turned to look at the older male, eyes searching. “Of course you do..” Jay frowned, which only hurt his head more. “You’re really the only person who has a right to be mad. A right to hate me. Like..” he cleared his throat, shifting closer. “Do you not think you’ve earned that right? Even after our fight?” He said, barely talking above a whisper. He didn’t need to, they were so close, heads side by side on the pillows. Jay hoped Aiden wasn’t relying on the past to define what he could or could not do now in regards of commitment. Jay did not want to live in the shadow of a relationship that was doomed from the moment he accepted Aiden’s terms. he caught himself wishing for a fresh start, forgetting the errors of the past, but he knew he wouldn’t be the person he is today without them; without Aiden.
Jealous. The word sent a small thrill down Jay’s spine. Aiden, jealous? That was new. “Jealous of lil ol’ me?” He whispered, feeling a tug in his belly. “I’ve never heard of you being jealous before.” He swallowed. As Aiden got a little flustered in his words Jay rose his hand and rested it on Aiden’s cheek. He brushed his thumb over Aiden’s stubble, hoping it would help. “Mm I mean, I think you kind of do,” he breathed out. “The moment the dare came to me all i wanted was for you to be there so I could pick you. As soon as I did the dare I felt bad. I felt wrong. Sure, it was a game and it held no context beyond the game, but .. I feel like shit over it. I think we both do. So maybe you do own me.. at least a little bit.” And that was petrifying. The fact Aiden had so much control over him and could throw that in his face at any given time. Jay’s eyes fell shut, heavy from the beer in his system. He was still awake though, still listening. “Literally feared that every day since I met you in college,” he confessed. It wasn’t the first time that he’d shared this. “I never feel good enough. When I do I’m reminded I’m not. I fight you to feel like I am,” he was referring to the test that meant so much to him. The fight just so Aiden would do it and even then it came after days of not talking. “If I found someone else without baggage all I would feel is guilt. I have too much baggage of my own. At least ours are matching sets. All I can do is try to show you I care Aiden.. I don’t know how to take that fear from you unless you start noticing how much I care. Stop... rejecting me when I do that. You can’t.. reject me because I.. you have baggage. That’s something you need to accept because I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I accept that you have baggage. Heck, I even try to unpack some, maybe give it some airing to help you and accept you.. and every time.. I fell like you just zip up your baggage and push me away.” He sighed, opening his eyes. “Don’t you get that only creates more baggage? Don’t you get that it’s not just yours anymore? It’s ours? Don’t you get that I want it all because I want you? That I need you? That.. you’re my everything and I can’t seem to hold onto you because you keep pushing away and it kills me.”
Jay sniffed, feeling a bit emotional as he spoke. “I can’t.. do not talking. I don’t know what we are when we do that. Are we over? If can’t respect my health what.. does that mean? If something important takes a week for us to deal with.. what’s going to happen in the future? We can’t just fight every time things get a little uncomfortable. Life is uncomfortable. Heck.. if you want to spend your life with me a STD test is going to be minimal when we have kids and there are all kinds of things coming up,” he said, a little worked up now that he was on a roll. Of course he thought of having kids with Aiden, he thought of it all. “Right now.. I feel like I’m useless. I’m left in the cold. That’s how new baggage is started, and soon enough that baggage gets too much not to unload. I feel pathetic because I wanted an STD test so we could.. without protection so we could be safe and closer than ever. Then the guy I’m with like.. basically says no, along with accusing me of basically calling him a slut. When that had nothing to do with it. It was all about being closer. Then those results..” Jay sucked on his lower lip, trying to work out the next words. He was glad he had a little liquid courage though, and found himself asking the most bluntest way possible. “Are you on drugs?”
