āIf you kill me I will become more dead than you can possibly imagine.ā
āMagic is fucking stupid you gotta be a dork to use it.ā
āIf youāre in the woods in the middle of the night and you hear like a child saying āoh somebody please help me!ā, you donāt help them! Itās not the right tone for that!ā
āThe only type of love I know how to show is tough love.ā
āI CASTā¦. āStop being mean to meā!ā
āCan you two STOP MENTIONING MY CURSE?ā
āEveryone says awkward things on dates.ā
āDancing in the graveyard? Heās a⦠necro-dancer.ā
āAll that effort⦠and yet somehow you still couldnāt win.ā
āFight me you nerd-ass punk!ā
āAt least try to act sophisticated when you threaten someone.ā
āI once had a ouija board that just summoned bees every time you touched it.ā
āDost thou wish to engage in a duel, my good bitch?ā
āPromise me you wonāt fall in love with me.ā
āOkay, here are the ground rules: you can punch me, kick me, pull my hair. I am a-ok being stabbed. Biting and scratching are on the table. You can use fire.ā
āIt haunts me. It haunts my dreams.ā
āI have a lot of pent-up trauma.ā
āWhy does this always happen? We were just supposed to get bread.ā
āI hate when flies rub their disgusting little hands together. What could you possibly be plotting? You canāt even get out the open window.ā
āThey are just a menace.ā
āOkay, but what if I seduce the dragon?ā
āI donāt have trauma. Itās all just⦠the wizardās curse.ā
āYou come into my home uninvited and tell me how I should arrange my furniture?ā
āOh you think youāre so fancy with all your spells.ā
āI may be cringe, but youāre mean. And thatās worse.ā
āIāll be honest, kitten. The amulet is driving me insane.ā
āI donāt use mathematics or statistics or calculation or anything at all like that. Because I canāt do it. So I just hope for the best.ā
āThe mage Iām seeing gave me these hickies⦠turns out heās a neck-romancer.ā
āSorry for making you fall in love with me because of my awesome vibe and kissable lips.ā
āIād love to stay and chat, but the prophecy foretold some absolute bullshit.ā
āItās important to have at least one friend whoās equally as out of touch as you are.ā
āI think they lied on their resume. Like the rest of us.ā
āYeah⦠thatās still murder, bud.ā
āWhy is it always āhey letās grab a cup of coffeeā and not āhey letās reunite the shards before Gorlac opens the Shadow Gate.āā
āHeās got the Shadow Stone. I donāt think you understand whatās happening here.ā
āIām talking about magic. Turn you into a frog type shit.ā
āYou ever just want sweet, milky beans?ā
āWe need to talk about the fireball spell.ā
āYou are definitely not going to beat this man.ā
āSorry Iām late. The troll that blocks my driveway had harder riddles than usual today.ā
āNo ice spells. No frost spells. Look at my wrist. Thatās the ice right there.ā
āThey reveal their HP from the jump. What the hell?ā
āDo you not like joy?ā
āYou speak to me like youāre my friend, but I donāt see a friend when I look into your eyes.ā
āIām pretty sure that chalice is filled with human blood.ā
āYou donāt give bards last words. What were you thinking?ā
āLet me put my tome down.ā
āSneak into their house at 4am - which statistically speaking is the hour people are least prepared to defend themselves, and thenāāĀ
āSince when did a staff do the work? When did the staff do the studying?ā
āIām a heroine addict. I canāt get enough of strong, beautiful ladies.ā
āYou fireballed and found out.ā
āI smell like a sweater made out of meat.ā
āI might bite you but itās worth it for the thrill of my presence.ā
āI think youāre overreacting.ā
āThis is a crime. And I hate crime.ā
āIām a creepy little guy.ā
āYou canāt just collapse and die because you donāt wanna do something, buddy.ā
āI know. We all wish we could do that. But we canāt. Because of society.ā
āHave you seen some missing villagers?ā
āThereās no way this book is cursed.ā
āI feel I was denied critical, need-to-know information.ā
āYou ever see a tiefling get dropped and come back up? Me neither.ā
āI will summon your daddy.ā
āSure it grants invisibility but it⦠itās bagpipes.ā
āThereās too many laws.ā
āIf youāre going to make a rude comment, just say it with your whole fucking chest. Own it.ā
āDid you get stabbed?ā
āI have to sell my soul at the crossroads at midnight.ā