helloooo i just read your ryanaim fic on ao3, absolutely adored it 🥹
i saw you’re taking reqs and i was wonderinggggg if you’d write something about their first night in a motel after running away and it’s super intimate and emotional and maybe some crying and maybe some being too loud in said motel 👀
Hi! I just posted it. I hope you like it!
"The First Time"
When they enter the motel room, they reach a silent agreement of not thinking about the gravity of everything. At least not for that night. This is their first time being alone after a night of fearing for their lives and hours spent on a bus. They don't have much, but they have each other, and they are going to enjoy that.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
I wrote down my thoughts as soon as I could after watching because I wanted to ramble about this movie very badly in here. These are some of them:
- The fact that this entity works so well because the teenagers can’t even tell “trusted adults” about it. Religion has a hold of this community, everyone knows everyone, you’re effectively trapped in a nightmare and you can’t talk about it because then they’ll find out that who you desire most is another boy. Naim tells someone and the lady not only doesn’t believe him, she immediately betrays his trust. He tries multiple times to get his mom’s help but she refuses to listen and the twist being that Naim’s own mother knew all along and let it happen? I was flabbergasted. She kept saying how fear is something you need. Live your life in fear, who in this community hasn’t heard that one before. It was absolutely revolting to watch. No adult actually cares, they seem to know about this practice and allow it. Even if they didn’t know, as long as the “cure” worked I don’t think they would mind. Would the police even care? It’s wild.
- It works like a chain of outing. One kid tells on someone and then another kid tells on someone else and it keeps going and going. When your church rewards you for exposing your peers, either because you were raised homophobic as hell or you’re trying very hard not to give yourself away, I can imagine how terrifyingly effective that ends up being. Izzie appears to be on their side only to lead them into being hate-crimed ffs 😭
- Naim in NO WAY knew that a whole ass demonic entity would end up cursing them just because he snitched on Ryan and Hunter, please give that boy so much grace. He’s like 17 or something? At most he thought they would make them stop seeing each other! Which is what his impulsive teenage self wanted because he felt hurt! Not even Hunter and Ryan were too worried when they brought them to the church for the ritual, thinking it was going to be some bullshit spectacle. Naim also clearly doesn’t have experience with living in a place like this before and it’s so apparent. Small towns make you turn on each other by design, I won’t stand for anyone calling Naim a villain when the clear villains are right there! Like the Deliverance Healer and all the adults? I know there will inevitably be some people who dislike Naim for outing them, I understand it as your first emotional reaction, but that in no way should be what you come out of the movie with. Hopefully I’m fighting ghosts and no one hates my boy 🙏
- Hunter talks about how the ritual actually worked for a couple of people, who ended up having kids and living the “normal” life. I was gagged again by how the concept of conversion therapy via demonic entity works so well. The entity makes you afraid of the person you desire most, it drives a wedge between you, tainting your love. Naim licks Ryan’s ear in one scene and as the audience your heart is fluttering, but then on the very next scene the entity bites Ryan’s ear in the exact same spot, leaving him bleeding and terrified, and your heart breaks for these two who can’t have one good thing. The entity uses that growing affection to learn how to best manipulate you. It gets better at imitating touch the more time you spend with the person, like the girl said. Eventually the only way to save yourself is to cut the other person off and that is so viscerally tragic.
- Ryan said “I want it to look like you” and I knew this was a true horror-romance. They choose each other at the end, they choose loving and staying together in spite of everything. It’s not like all their problems have been solved now, because sure they have lighters to defend themselves with and they may develop some countermeasures, but the entity remains. They will have to keep living with some modicum of fear for the rest of their lives and work through the feelings of hurt and betrayal between them. And yet! And yet they have each other. They have that sweet, sweet love that no one can take away from them anymore. Their entities will keep looking like them as yet another symbol of their affection. Those people didn’t succeed in making them give up their love and that is so important to me.
- The entity actually stopped when Naim caressed it? Can I hear everyone’s theory about this? Because it’s probably the thing I’m most curious about. Can it… feel affection? Does it have a need for it? I don’t even know man.
- The way Hunter and Ryan can only communicate through aggression is such a contrast to Naim and Ryan’s relationship. Their repression manifests as hurting each other, while Naim and Ryan are hesitant but they don’t want to hurt each other. They want to explore and be soft and sometimes playfully rough, and it’s clear enough that their relationship is just instantly deeper and stronger. I’m sorry Hunter 😔 Ryan was already seeing the entity as Naim, who I’m sure he met fairly recently compared to you (I think they may have grown together?)
- The tragedy of Hunter is very obvious to me however. Being the pastor’s son in a church like that? Yeah I would also develop some psychosexual tendencies. They didn’t need to show me his head ugh
- I love how they made a point of Naim being constantly scared. He’s scared of the snake, he’s scared of heights, and he’s scared of letting Ryan give him a handjob, jolting as soon as he looks at his reflection while in the middle of the act. Fear is a central theme of the movie, “they wanted us to be scared”. Naim has to overcome so much to reach that moment in which he is able to confront the entity head-on, and a big part of that journey is thanks to Ryan and how much Naim cares for him. It’s what leds him to investigate the situation in the first place, to confess his involvement in the whole thing and to try to save Ryan. He’s able to finally let go and offer himself to the pleasure at Ryan’s hands in that bus scene, growing a little with each experience. At last, he confronts the entity and we see him look completely at peace on that final scene, heading to who knows where with Ryan’s head in his shoulder.
- Frank Ocean needle drop was perfection 💯
- Sustained long shots are one of my favorite filmmaking techniques and that’s basically 60% of this movie so I was delighted by the cinematography.
- Maybe I’ve gotten better at horror than I thought because I wasn’t really scared, I was just sad and appalled all the time lol. I think part of it is that I had already spoiled myself on all entity Ryan appearances except for one (which did get me to jump a little).
- I need so many post-canon fics cuz I’m pretty sure they won’t be making a sequel for this (fingers crossed though) and I’d like to read Ryanaim live as happily ever after as they can after all that.
- The one scene the five people at my screening laughed at was Naim asking the cashier to stay with him while looking completely out of his mind, tbh I also chuckled and I think that was the intention anyway lol
- Ryan is such a fascinating character, I really thought for a second he might leave Naim to be beaten after that revelation, but he didn’t. Everything is told from Naim’s perspective so Ryan remains a little mysterious throughout it. I wish this was adapted from a book so I could just go and read all his inner monologues.
- It could’ve done with a longer runtime and a bigger climax but I understand budgeting and it’s incredible this was made in the first place. I loved it all the same. Unlike some reviews I’ve seen, I don’t think I needed the entity to be explained more than it was. A final appearance from the Deliverance Healer is what I felt missing but tbf that only makes it creepier, the idea that he’s still out there, just cursing more gay people oh god
- it’s not quite like It Follows, now that I think about it. In It Follows the entity has to walk the distance and it shows up regardless of if you’re alone or not.
- Joe Bird’s talent truly is shedding tears while still looking pretty af, Stacy’s talent is looking fantastic while covered in blood <3
- Naim’s name being from the actual Leviticus is such a neat detail that I need everyone to know.
Okay, at this point I’m just rambling, I have so many more thoughts to write down but I seriously need to do a second viewing first! Please give me all your analysis and essays too, I’m so excited now that everyone in the U.S will be able to watch it soon
