I would gladly give it all away. I just wish i didnt exist. i wish i didnt have to fulfill everyones goddamn expectations and especially my own. I wish my future didnt rely on other people choices. I just wish a lot of things were different, like i shouldnt have spent my four goddamn years of university being a fucking nerd and eating all the damn books, studying so damn hard for exams, preparing so damn well for every presentation if in the end, what does my goddamn 4.0 gpa mean? nothing at all. nobody really cares. at least not in this retarded country where they want us to slave in their fricken factories. I mean i know deep in my heart that theres no one who fucking deserves a job more than i do right now, and not because of my grades or anything, a grade cant tell you about a persons capability but i know i can do better, i have proved myself and look at me. Im two weeks away from starting the new semester and handing in my pre-project, and welll, i have nothing. ive been to like 745}54 interviews, theyve called me from places but im just not good enough to stay anywhere they always choose somebody else. How can you build self steem and self confidence if they destroy you, if they tell you exactly the oppossite. does it fucking mean i cant do the goddamn job but you fucking hired the asshole of the class who can fucking speak better than i can? well fuck you i diddnt ask to have this motherfucking personality like forreal i would give everything not to be as awkward as i have been for the last 10 years. i mean i have wasted my whole life. i have no fucking real friends, my boyfriend acts like a goddamn ass sometimes and im just left here everygoddamn night crying my fucking heart out like its my fault. wondering what the fuck i have been doing wrong all these years. I HAVE DONE FUCKING NOTHING BUT WORK MY ASS OFF ALL THE TIME, TRY TO BE FUCKING NICE TO PEOPLE WHO DONT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ME, WORKING 250% MORE TO GET WHAT I WANT, I LOST MONEY I LOST TIME I FUCKING SOLD MY SOUL AND LOOK AT ME. I mean i know im not perfect but seriously, do i deserve this??? i just dont want this anymore. I dont want my life anymore i dont want any of these people id rather be alone in a room pretending that i dont exist, i dont care about how its gonna be in 10 years, its not gonna be any fucking better cause it never has since i can remember. and you know why? its because i always overestimate myself like i should have the best in the world like im capable of doing everything, acting like a moron, turning down offers that i dont believe are good enough for me, but GOSH fucking define good enough? i mean look at me. im just a failure i dont want this. i really dont. i just wish we didnt have to figure out our fucking lives at this age. i wish i would have actually enjoyed any of my youth years, now theyre gone all gone and im here not having a clue of whats going to happen next. i just. no. this wasnt supposed to happen like this. i didnt sign up for this. i didnt