Good afternoon, bluumers!
We're starting a new series, that will run every Wednesday, called The Mommy Diaries. Being a mom is so much more than a one-size fits all title. We hope that by sharing the stories of other moms, we can create awareness, community, and support around motherhood and all that goes into it. The good, the tough, the hilarious, and the oh-so-sweet moments that make it all worthwhile.
We can't wait to get to know you, but first we wanted to let you get to know us. Take a peek into the lives of the moms here at bluum, and If you'd you like to be featured on The Mommy Diaries please email [email protected] for the details.
We want to thank you for following along and encourage you to share these stories with your family and friends.
Kaitlin : lover of ice cream and binge-watching Netflix, hater of math classes and humidity.
I am a mother to one daughter, Lucy, who turned TWO in March. Where, oh where does the time go.
A word that describes being a mother? That’s a difficult question. There are so many emotions that come with parenting - so many new experiences that make it unlike anything else that you have ever had to face before. I think that the most startling thing that happens when you become a mother, or a parent, is that you are no longer the center of your own universe. You are now responsible for the health, education, and well being of this entire other person. It doesn't matter if you’re tired. It doesn't matter if you’re sick, or you had a bad day, or your own mother did something to make you upset. You are still responsible for being there to tend to the needs of this little person. You have to forget your own needs - that you want to sleep in that day, or that you haven’t eaten a meal that wasn't the leftovers from your child’s plate in 4 days, or that you’ve missed the last six episodes of Game of Thrones and you really, really want to see it. All of that said, I think that the one word that really sums it up is: Selflessness.
My daughter tends to wake up very early in the morning (just before daybreak, around 4 or 4:30 AM), and climbs into bed with me. She falls asleep soundly again, but I never quite get there myself. Even though I've had my sleep interrupted, and the sun isn't even up yet, it’s still my favorite part of the day. I get to stay in bed, Lucy is all warm and sleepy next to me, and sometimes I can turn the radio on and listen to the news! It’s the closest thing I have to what it was like to lay in bed on a Saturday before I had a child - except sometimes I think it’s better, because now I've got a super great snuggler next to me.
I don’t remember any specific insights that people offered (though I’m sure there were many, but at some point you just start blocking that stuff out!), but what I do remember is this: My best friend Meg has two children that are a bit older than Lucy - 7 and 5 - and I saw the flexibility she allowed herself to have, and how forgiving she was to herself, and other mothers, when they didn't follow through on the “plan” they had for the kind of parent they wanted to be. For example, we all make these rules about avoiding TV, limiting processed foods, only letting them play with educationally stimulating toys, but then life happens.
Sometimes I give Lucy my iPhone so she can watch Frozen while I send an important email, and I have to just let that happen, and tell myself that it’s the best I can do given the circumstances. Sometimes I see parents hand an iPad over to a kid at a restaurant. Before I had a child I might have judged them for that - but after you have kids you learn that everyone is just trying to do their best, and sometimes the best you can do is hand a kid a device so that you can just get through an entire sandwich for the first time in a month, without having to apologize to every person in the restaurant for your screaming child. You have to learn to forgive yourself for the choices you didn’t think you would make, and cut some slack for those you see doing things you vowed never to do.
I think that I was surprised that right after I gave birth to Lucy, I didn’t feel that immediate RUSH of undying, overwhelming love the way that it is depicted in movies, or when people re-tell their birth stories.
I had a long labor - 76 hours (72 before an epidural), and when she was finally born, I was totally worn out. They put her on my chest and that moment I was waiting for - the one where you cry from happiness, or you can’t stop smiling - it just didn't happen for me. I struggled with trying to build up that relationship by nursing, and holding her as much as possible, but it wasn't until Lucy was about a month old that I really started feeling that parental bond.
I think that that experience is something that we, as women, don’t always want to talk about. We feel guilty, sad, and nervous about not having that unbreakable bond right off the bat. We feel ashamed because we didn't feel that wave of maternal instinct immediately, and we are afraid that we will be judged as mothers. Whether we use that cutesy term “baby blues” or discuss it more scientifically as postpartum depression, I think that it’s an important part the lives of mothers that we are ignoring, and I think that if we could normalize the discussion - let moms know that they aren't alone in feeling that way, or they aren't less of a mother than their friend, or their sister - I think a little support could go a long way.
I have learned to look and listen more closely. There are incredible things that happen every day, all around you. Whether it’s getting excited because you see a beautiful bird, or stopping the car and taking a minute to walk around a park, it’s worth taking the moment to savor the small things. We rush from one thing to the next, and that innocence that children have - acknowledging that is the way to make the world beautiful. Lucy has taught me to take it slow, to savor an experience and enjoy every second (except ice cream - she eats that as fast as she can without savoring it at all).
I’m looking forward to the day that Lucy finds that thing that she really loves to do, and I can help encourage her and help her grow within it. Whether it will be playing music, dancing, sports, painting, balancing her or other people finances - whatever she chooses, I hope to help her find and explore things that make her heart sing.
Self-confidence. Hands down, that’s my number one hope for her. If she believes that she can achieve anything she wants, I will have done my job as a parent.
