but is it you i hear calling?

in truth, you'll never leave. blveherb on ao3.

[blveherb]

what's up friends.

in case you didn't know, you can find me here on ao3. yeah, i wrote that one super long serennedy fanfic, we don't have to talk about it (unless you want to). i'm just joining here for visibility, and to interact tee hee.

much love, have a nice day.

[blveherb]

what's up? i'm posting tonight to let everyone know i updated my re9 fic. you can find this chapter here. thank you for all your patience with me.

[blveherb]

what's up? i'm posting tonight to let everyone know i updated my re9 fic. you can find this chapter here. thank you for all your patience with me.

[blveherb]

hey pals, sorry for my lack of updates in terms of fics: i'm still writing, it's just slow going because my life is #stressful. but i'm really going to try to update my re9 fic by the end of this month! i hope to see you there.

[blveherb]

remember when i said this? please forgive my lateness, but my spacebar on my keyboard has decided to just stop fucking working, so i have swapped to writing on my ipad. i'll post soon, if i don't burn all my electronic devices first.

[blveherb]

another update for the people: i am closing in on the last parts of this chapter. very soon, you will see an update from me i hope. sorry it has taken me so long, my life has really hit the fan the last few months. i appreciate your patience. <3

[dance-on-the-bones]

Medieval AU 🗡️✨🗝️

[catkindness]

another one you couldn't save

[vinnayachipsa]

I put my soul into this art,,

[sheydi0]

Guys I think Leon is in love

[unicornconnor]

I've been thinking about their pony versions for these whole two days 😫

[blveherb]

hey pals, sorry for my lack of updates in terms of fics: i'm still writing, it's just slow going because my life is #stressful. but i'm really going to try to update my re9 fic by the end of this month! i hope to see you there.

[blveherb]

remember when i said this? please forgive my lateness, but my spacebar on my keyboard has decided to just stop fucking working, so i have swapped to writing on my ipad. i'll post soon, if i don't burn all my electronic devices first.

[blveherb]

in between fic writing, i decided to play the newest capcom ip, pragmata. i knew just based on what i'd seen that this game would be something i would really, really like. i have now finished the game and can say i loved it, with complete certainty. incredible game and proof that capcom is still capable of taking risks this far into their run. they believed in the story of pragmata and it really emotionally moved me in a way that a game has not moved me in a long time. 10/10, do recommend.

[blveherb]

hey pals, sorry for my lack of updates in terms of fics: i'm still writing, it's just slow going because my life is #stressful. but i'm really going to try to update my re9 fic by the end of this month! i hope to see you there.

[blveherb]

I just wanted to say that I was rereading "You Carried My Heart My Heart in the Night" again recently, and it's one of my all-time favorite RE series. I love the lore, how well everything is woven in with the main series, and how tragic it all is. So hopeful to see an update sometime soon, it's so incredible!!!!

hi friend! wow, thank you for reading my vampy series. i do miss it deeply, ironically i was thinking about it the other day. it's not dead by any means, i do hope to return to it sometime soon as well! vampire hunter leon and vampire luis have my whole heart. <3 thank you for your kind words!

[blveherb]

boy, the fandom is back in droves. i’ve gotten more kudos in the last two weeks than the last year. thanks for the support, friends! as it were, i’m writing luis now. you will hear from me again soon.

[dr-paint]

Been playing Resident evil 9 in my spare time, what a game.

[blveherb]

leon kennedy + the picture of dorian gray.

a project i've been doing since capcom did the job of putting classic literature to characters, i've wanted to do a similar thing for the other characters in the stories outside luis being connected to the legend of don quixote. in this case, i'm going to state my parallels of what i think leon's classic literature book is, which in my opinion, is the picture of dorian gray. in this post, i'm going to outline the themes of the novel (for those who have not read) and even for those who have and why i think this book encapsulates leon's internal workings as a character.

firstly, the picture of dorian gray is a story about the corruption of the soul, which i think is something that can map pretty easily to leon. we already know that leon undergoes a great deal of trauma and pain in the series of resident evil, and these themes manifest in a similar way to the way they do in the book, though there are some differences. in the first chapter of the book, we meet basil, a painter that is enamored with dorian gray and everything he is. it is explained that yes, he is beautiful, but is also at his root deeply good of heart to basil's perception of him. this can be relayed to leon in resident evil 2 remake, where he is still very naive and young and has a purity to him that hasn't been stained yet. it does get stained, but i will get to that in a later point in this post, because there's also the fact that they're the spitting image of each other.

..Yes, he was certainly wonderfully handsome, with his finely curved scarlet lips, his frankly blue eyes, and his crisp gold hair.

as we already know, leon looks like this, which has striking likeness to what dorian gray is described in the book:

the parallels don't stop even there. in a later chapter, there's a nickname used that all of us in this fandom have very likely seen before:

'You look more like a prince. I must call you Prince Charming. '

most of us already know that luis calls leon prince charming to playfully tease (or flirt with) leon:

which ironically is a similar way that dorian responds to being called this nickname, stating that the person calling him that doesn't know anything of life, and regards him more as a role in a play than a person. there's a lot of idealized thought in who leon is versus the person he actually is, and this is a similar detriment that dorian suffers as well throughout the book. they are spoken about through the envy of beauty, and although leon doesn't have as much openness about this point expressed, it is an undertone that crops up later in the game. there's more to say about these two characters that aren't just likeness. dorian is far more damaged as a person than leon, in the sense that he becomes obsessed with wanting to be young forever, however this theme does tie to leon in an abstract way.

dorian wants to freeze himself as young forever, because due to outside influence, he believes that he is only worthy as long as he is beautiful. leon has a similar temperament, but not with looks, he wants to be who he was in raccoon city forever. he is always chasing that ideal, and craving that version of himself, even if he so far along at this point in life that he cannot revert. it is a similar plight that dorian also has to navigate, because there is the ultimate 'enemy' of the book: the portrait.

earlier in this post i mentioned how there was a painting of dorian made, and at the time, he makes a prayer that the portrait will age but not him as a person. he gets his wish, but finds that the beauty of the portrait slowly degrading makes him turn to madness and distraction. although leon does not go mad, he does have the distraction problem: just in the opposite way of dorian. in dorian's case, he becomes self absorbed and egotistic, but leon turns to martyrdom: he only finds himself of use as long as he can take on the suffering of others. ironically, this has the same effect: it slowly withers away ones soul, one piece at a time.

dorian begins to notice the portrait warping and changing and this distresses him: although the physical body does not change, the painting encapsulates the soul of him, and as it changes, he realizes his wickedness only grows. in dorian's mind, this is the fault of others and not the fault of himself, not realizing that his own actions are slowly withering him away. this is almost a direct parallel to leon, who doesn't understand that his actions of slowly chipping away at himself to save the world singlehandedly are damaging him on the inside. this is very well wrapped up in this line from the book:

As it was, we always misunderstood ourselves and rarely understood others.

leon doesn't understand this part of himself, the same way dorian is unable to see his own actions are destroying him: there's a disconnect of what outside forces are asking and what the person themselves ask. this fracture only causes damage, damages that they are both blind to, until the toll is taken in a far more severe way. dorian loses himself to the obsession of the painting, and that causes him to slowly become callous and heartless. however, how did this start for dorian? actually, in a very similar way it started for leon: the influence of others, and there's a dynamic i'm going to dissect now properly.

lord henry to dorian is what krauser is to leon: they both are obsessed with the handsome, younger version and both are wanting essentially the same thing out of them -- dominance. to slowly turn their minds out and make it their own. when we read lord henry's point of view in the book, he has quotes like this:

..He would seek to dominate him - had already, indeed, half done so. He would make that wonderful spirit his own.

krauser had similar mindsets to this when approaching leon: he wanted the perfect soldier, and the perfect counterpart, which leon had never wanted to be. dorian is equally disturbed by this, stating several times that lord henry had introduced him to a way of life that he is no longer able to close his eyes to. he now is on a path of complete self mutilation, with no way to stop it now that is has been introduced. dorian states he has gone from "boy to man" which can be said for what happens to leon after he joins the army and is forced to go through training so rigorous it nearly kills him. there's also this excerpt where it talks over what dorian could be, and i think it also rings true to krauser's ambitions with leon:

There was nothing that one could not do with him. He could be made a Titan or a toy.

krauser intended to make leon a titan, the same as how lord henry wants to see dorian become something more than he was at the cost of his naivety and good natured disposition. in the book, lord henry has no moral bearings on how the world works, has no care for how men want to be good, and thinks that everyone should act selfishly for the sake of acting selfishly. this mirrors how krauser views leon's morals as a weakness, that believing the good in the world makes him boyish and childish:

lord henry has similar sentiments for dorian when he expresses doubt of these ideals presented to him, and it only further taints dorian's soul, the same way krauser took the light out of leon and made him the bitter, cynical person that is so very different in spain than he was when we first met leon in raccoon city. this only makes leon a closed book, the same as dorian, at the risk of no longer caring about the outside world, but leon never chooses it. dorian is not as lucky. there is one last point i want to touch on that i found rather compelling: the portrait being a part of dorian's soul.

there's a sheer panic, paranoia, and certain fear of people seeing the portrait in its slowly decaying state because dorian would be forced to bear his soul to someone if they were to see it. this is shown in a later chapter when confronted with the idea of having to let someone bear witness to it. basil, the painter, returns and asks to see the portrait to exhibit it when dorian says this:

"To exhibit it! You want to exhibit it?" exclaimed Dorian Gray, a strange sense of terror creeping over him. Was the world going to be shown his secret? Were people to gape at the mystery of his life? ... Dorian Gray passed his hand over his forehead. There were beads of perspiration there. He felt that he was on the brink of a horrible danger.

leon also has a problem with the idea of people perceiving him as a person, and seeing how damaged he is. there is an obsession with always being viewed as somewhat of a weapon and not a human, because the realities of him are dim and scarred. he has been burned by many people in his life, and i believe this panic is reflective of leon's urge to keep people at an arm's distance, but ultimately is unable but to be viewed anyway, the way dorian's portrait in the end is seen for what it is: there is no way to hide one's self for all of time, it will always shine through regardless of whether one tries to conceal it or not. this is the last true parallel, and dorian also turns to violence in these altercations, as it is safer than vulnerability. leon has a similar approach, but the heart of him is still in everything he does.

there's a line in the book that says this:

Our weakest motives were those of whose nature we were conscious. It often happened that when we thought we were experimenting on others, we were really experimenting on ourselves.

dorian believes that his actions to others have no reflection on himself, not realizing that these actions are directly correlated to how he feels about himself: empty and barren and shallow. he pays for it in the end, dying as he attempts to destroy the portrait, as he is destroying his soul while doing so, instead of atoning. leon, on the other hand, believes he needs to save everyone and does not realize that this should also apply for himself. unable to save himself, dorian succumbs, but leon has the ability to redeem himself from his self imposed suffering, he just needs to realize it.

[blveherb]

BLVEHERB MAN SERIES IS BACK, MENTAL HEALTH RESTORED

that it is, as if it never left. i hope that this delivers as much as my last installments, friend! thank you for sticking around for so long.