hello i am having thoughts TM
and yes, these are cockles thoughts, and yes it’ll probably get a little tinhatty, but i don’t care. we’re doing what we’re doing tonight, aren’t we?
anyway, first of all, a label doesn’t define a relationship.
okay that’s out of the way.
onto what i think it’s going on.
that in the course of his marriage and experimentation and all that, over the years, it’s mostly been with another women, by vicki’s own words in her book. it feels like that was the trend. […] ETA: i have changed this sentence to take out indications in the book that he may have been with men. i typed it odd and realized i implied that. […] idk if it ticked enough boxes for him. labels mean different things to different people personally when presented with them.
time goes by, meets jackles. things hit off. a friend mentioned men in woods sounded tentative, and i agree, and i’m sure plenty of y’all felt that too. i am also one of those little monsters that thinks it’s about jackles, personally.
like he did not intiate anyhting in that poem. something happened in that poem for it to be included at the end of that section of love, especially when the first poem in that section is about someone else making, i assumed vicki, happier than misha made her feel. i’m free for different interpretations on that, since i’m admittedly not that great with poetry lol.
so the last poem to me, MIW, is about someone who makes him feel happy.
but god as my witness i don’t think he thinks a a few trysts as part of a threesome or whatever with a dude over the course of his marriage and then one relationship that’s really deep in several kinds of ways with one other man is enough to convince misha he’s anything but straight with some fluidity thrown in there.
i think he’s been opening up more, however. i and a lot of others, maybe you reading this was thinking that too. that cas and pride month post, wearing pride merch outside of pride month etc etc.
one thing from his thread that stood out to me was this
i think he needs to talk about it. Or wants to talk about it even. last week, or so, there was an article published by Natalie Fisher. in there she talked about that little cas essay thing that we always hoped he’d publish. in there he said this:
so i don’t think he thinks he’s queer enough to get a queer label or talk in these spaces.
before I go on, i just want to preface this by saying i do respect where he wants to land. if he says he’s something, by golly i’ll salute and say ‘yes sir’ because it’s his life and that’s what he wants. but straight doesn’t mean the frat bro down the road who has a massive pick up truck and will constantly tell you that it’s only boobs babes and beer in his brain. like that’s not everything.
there’s a no mans land between what someone can perceive bisexuality or pansexuality to mean, and what they perceive straight to be. i don’t know his definitions. i don’t know how he looks at these things. but we know he’s been kissed by another man, been on a camping trip with them, skinny dipped in a ‘shallow stream’. we also know his other little quips over the years that have indicated more or less why we thought he’d land in Queerland USA.
clearly that didn’t happen. and personally, and i’m not saying this to invalidate him, but personally i think what he needed is to talk to people about this. idk maybe he’s doing it IRL and we’re naturally not privvy to it. but again, i go back to this part of his tweet
and how he brought up even bisexuality in a little comment about being introverted or extroverted. he didn’t have to do that. and he didn’t have to make the other comments too.
i think he wants to discuss it, or wanted to.
but his quip [adhd is a curse] flew too close to the sun. i absolutely do not think the media would have picked up on it if we weren’t parading it around everywhere. but i also fault the media as well, publishing these articles about him without speaking with him, even getting facts wrong about his personal life. everyone has skin in this horribile game so we may as well own up to it. there’s no different between a reporter assuming what his words meant, and us assuming what his words meant.
so again, i do think that he wanted to talk about it but it’s been a hard conversation to have.
and now idk if we’ll ever get it.
the press got ahold of it and once it hit people magazine, i think this is what happened [warning, tinfoil on!]:
1) he now realized he couldn’t really talk about it anymore.
2) i truly think those articles were a little scary and was getting out of hand. the articles named his children and his ex wife. he has to make sure they’re okay. his kids are getting older, they’re online now. idk if they have twitter or anything but peers may, and peers may see his name trending and click on it wondering what’s going on. protect the family.
3) any confirmation that he considers himself slightly off the path of straight now opens up people to pry into his private life. you know what’s just beneath the surface of ‘is misha bi????’
cockles shit. you don’t think the press can find this stuff? someone posted about them living together after that tweet last summer, based off of information they had received [which, unrelated but slightly related, very not cool at all wtf]. you don’t think a journalist won’t find misha’s poly comments? his wife’s book? dig up old gossip on jensen of all people? and i bring him up especially because that man has already had gossip columnists accusing him of being gay since early in his career. there were gossip blogs claiming j2 were a thing so much — why would misha want him to go through that again? takes maybe a night of digging through things and receipts. we documented that shit well.
4) protect friends, but especially jensen. like okay again, very VERY tinhatty, but if we’re taking an objective eye to this, it’s clear that even if they’re just friends, they’re pretty damn good friends. with all the jokes over the years, all of our own receipts and speculation, all of the past context a journalist needs to dig up rumors that jensen is, once again, ~*gaaay! oooohhh!!!*~ that’s not great news.
and from there that’s how Dee gets roped into it, that’s how THEIR kids get roped into it. they’ve had to deal with these allegations before, and they’re pretty private as a family. don’t want to drag people through that.
if misha decided to yoink a label that he didn’t feel comfortable yoinking in the first place, but decided to yoink a queer label without meaningful discussions with people about his sexuality, like he clearly has on his mind, then that would have opened up family, friends, family OF the friends, his whole life up, others’ whole lives up…
and we know what hollywood does to men when this happens.
no, i don’t think misha intentionally sabotaged himself in the name of cockles or whatever, but i do think this is a multi-faceted thing.
he’s straight, by his own definition. but it still doesn’t feel like the whole story. and all we can really do is just keep holding hands with him and hope one day there are things he can tell us.
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