Homelander bombarding Hughie with thousands of voice messages, having a meltdown because his boy is not picking up. Meanwhile, Hughie just innocently fell asleep on the couch or something not aware of the shitstorm he’s inadvertently caused.
"Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system. This number is not available. At the tone, please record your message."
[05:19 pm] Are you fucking serious?
[05:20 pm] Very funny. Hughie, why aren’t you answering my calls? Is this some kind of joke? Pick up your phone.
[05:21 pm] Hughie. Babe. What the fuck is this? Why are you ignoring me?
[05:22 pm] Where the hell are you? Why aren’t you picking up? You’re kind of pissing me off. You have to know you can’t just fucking go offline on me like this. It’s incredibly rude. Am I going to have to punish you later?
[05:34 pm] I’m trying my damnedest to be patient, but you’re really testing me here, sweetheart. Pick up your phone. Now.
[05:36 pm] You don’t seem to understand how this works. When I call you pick up. You don’t make me chase after you like some limp-dick schmo. Did you forget who I am?
[05:40 pm] We’re really doing this, huh? So what, you don’t want to be with me anymore, is that it? And instead of having the common decency to face me like a man you just ghost me. Of course. Jesus fuck, that's classic you, isn't it? Son of a bitch— [audio cuts off]
[05:42 pm] I’ll rip out your spine and laser your dick off andthrowyourbodyinto— [audio cuts off]
[05:45 pm] Hey. It’s me again. Hughie, I know what I said wasn’t...nice. I know, I know. Yikes! I'm just going to start over. I’m sorry. Look just—just pick up, alright? I miss you.
[05:47 pm] FUCK YOU! You miserable insect! I always knew you didn’t take us seriously, you two-faced shithead. I hate you, truthfully you were nothing to me, you know that? Just another nobody to get off with, you never meant a thing to me! You weren’t even a good lay, I could have gotten better dick-sucking from Deep for half the trouble!
[05:51 pm] Ugly sobbing noises
[05:55 pm] Hughie, you know I love you, right? It's ok babe, I forgive you! I'm not angry, I promise. Just come over, we can have dinner and talk. It doesn’t have to end like this. I’ve calmed down now, alright? It's fine. We're good. Honest.
[05:57 pm] Are you having an affair? Is that what this is? So who the fuck is she then? Are you with Starbitch? Bet she's laughing at me while you're fingerblasting her, she must be getting off to this. But let me make this perfectly clear, you don’t fucking cheat on me. I’m The. Fucking. Homelander. Does your tiny brain even comprehend that? I am the most superior being on this earth. You should be honoured— [audio cuts off]
[06:00 pm] I’m sorry, Hughie. I may have overreacted a smidge. I'll admit that I jumped to conclusions. Yeah, fine. You win this round. Happy? Now pick up the phone.
[06:04 pm] distorted sounds of inhumane screaming, furniture getting smashed, walls collapsing, palms are sweaty knees weak, arms are heavy, there's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti
[06:06 pm] S-sir is everything ok? We heard— GET THE FUCK OUT ASHLEY, I’M BUSY! sounds of glass shattering Bunch of braindead fucks.
[06:07 pm] You better be dead, Hughie, because nothing excuses this kind of bullshit behaviour. Not from you, you hear me? I don’t give a fuck anymore, in fact I never did! Truth hurts, doesn’t it? I admit you were amusing, good for a laugh or two, but it's gotten boring. I need more and you're clearly not delivering.
[06:08 pm] I know I said you playing hard to get is a turn on, but this is ridiculous…
[06:09 pm] Hey asshole, I deleted all of your nudes. You can keep mine because I genuinely feel sorry for you, seeing as it's the best you'll ever get. I should charge you a pretty penny every time you jerk your sad little cock to me.
[06:10 pm] Ok you got me. I didn’t actually delete them, but I’m going to if you don’t PICK UP YOUR MOTHERFUCKING PHONE! HUGIE!
[06:19 pm] Fuck why do I keep— I’m sorry babe, you know how I get. You know I didn’t really mean any of it, right? I just forgot myself for a second, you know me. That’s what I love about you though, you understand me like no one. I need you Hughie, it's true. Please answer me.
[06:21 pm] What is it this time, huh? Did I hurt your fee-fee's, you big fucking baby? Did I make you cry? Aw boo fucking hoo! Why don’t you grow a pair already! I’ve given you everything and this is the thanks I get?! I’m a fucking catch! I was voted Sexiest Supe Alive for seven consecutive years! I'm the best thing that's ever happened to you, Campbell! You’re lucky to breathe the same air as me!
[06:24 pm] Is this because I accidentally sprained your wrist that one time? You’re still mad about that? I offered you head and you said no! That’s on you for not accepting my apology, it wasn’t even my fault so quit your moping, it's not fucking cute. Always such a goddamn drama queen. Jesus Christ, get over it, Hughie. Fuck's sake.
[06:27 pm] You said you loved me, you lying whore! I believed you! You know how much I fucking hate liars! YOU'RE GOING TO REGRET THIS CAMPBELL. I'M COMING FOR YOU!
[06:40 pm] Hughie, I’m here. Open the fucking door. I’m not going to break it down because you bitched me out like a little pussy the last time. C’mon, I’m being nice here, it’s more than you deserve.
[06:41 pm] Hughie enough. I’m not going to repeat myself.
[06:42 pm] ALRIGHT THAT'S FUCKING IT. YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE, CAMPBELL!
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