a mutual exclusive blog for kerry eurodyne from cyberpunk 2077. formerly part of paintedinlight
mixed canon (picked out from 2020/77/3.0/CyberGeneration) | crossover friendly | oc selective | duplicate friendly
LINKS: RULES | ABOUT | CARRD | MULTIMUSE | JOHNNY & V BLOG
note: not all my carrd pages are mobile friendly. contents, rules, and about are all good. ship page is readable, but not pretty. timeline and current relationships w/ everyone is very much desktop only.
rules beneath the cut
FOLLOWING:
-I am a mutually exclusive blog. If we're not following one another, I will not respond to your character's asks nor will I write you starters.
-If you follow me first, I'd prefer for you to make the first move in terms of interactions. I promise, if we're mutuals, I'm more than happy to talk to you and begin to figure out interactions with you!
-I don't mind if personal blogs follow me so long as you don't reblog my stuff.
-I will likely unfollow you if your attitude is overly negative, or if you reblog a ton of unrelated content to your blog. Run your blog how you want, but I just don't want to be around it.
SHIPPING:
-I love shipping! I obviously need chemistry to happen, though, and definitely prefer if I already know the mun well enough before I feel comfortable to ship with someone.
-I don't do anything in regards to sexual writing on this blog. I'm 30, so it's really just a matter of my preference. I'll allow things up to a "fade to black" situation, however.
-Please refer to my SHIPPING section of my carrd if you have questions about what I ship.
GENERAL:
-Kerry has a lot of triggering material in his storyline, especially with the inclusion of some of his story from CyberGeneration. This includes, but is not limited to: suicidal tendencies, suicide attempts, physical abuse, verbal abuse, mention of drug and alcohol use, mention of drug and alcohol addictions, & child death.
-If you're an OC (or even a canon character that doesn't know my character in canon) do not assume my character knows you. If you want pre-established relationships, you need to come to me first. This includes V! Everyone's V is different, and I'd prefer to talk things out if dynamics between Kerry and V isn't already clear from your information.
-Please don't make it a habit of asking for starters without responding to them. If you have an issue with a starter, just let me know! I promise you I won't be annoyed or upset, because I want nothing more than for us to be able to interact.
-You definitely don't need to match my reply length, but I'd appreciate it if you gave me something to work with so I'm actually able to respond properly.
-You're more than welcome to turn our asks into threads if you want! Just be sure to turn into a new post and tag me, first!
-Triggers are tagged as "trigger cw".
-I have no triggers myself in regards to dark subjects. I do, however, have emetophobia which I would appreciate being tagged. I won't jump at you if you don't do this, however.
I left out things I felt to be obvious, but if there are issues in the future, I’ll add them here.
CREDITS:
some of the virtual photography of Kerry - TheNightcaller
some of the assets for my edits - R. Talsorian Games
design of carrd based on the ROCKERBOY sourcebook made by R. Talsorian Games
psd for mobile header image - ninetitans
icon border - niixzee
post banners - endlesswood
all other edits / graphics have been made by me
explaining myself will probably make me feel better more than anything, so I guess I will for the sake of it.
all right, so I've been (kind of) clearly not been doing well since the end of December. I keep going in an out of my pits and valleys, and that pattern hasn't quite let up yet, even as we're only a week or so from May. it's contributed to my inactivity quite a bit, as well as my social interactions with my rp partners.
apologies for that, I'm just always tired from irl stuff and I'm just Not Great at talking to people unprompted rn. it's nothing personal toward anyone, I'm just Going Through It
on top of all of that! I've been doing a lot of 3D renders the past month or so and that is taking up the bulk of my creative energy. I have a 15 render project that I've been working on since March, as well as a fandom character week thing I'll be (hopefully) contributing 7 renders for. I have 14 renders in total I need to get done. so yeah that's taking up a lot of time and energy, but I'm really happy with how the project is turning out so far, even if the latter half may be more mentally taxing. Plus the bits for the fandom week... just ugh.
I'm tired, and while I'd love to write and yap and do threads rn, I don't have a ton of energy for them rn. I'm only currently replying to like. One of them. I think I only have two officially going on as is, so I do apologize to that other person waiting on me. You know how I just keep making more work for myself.
anyway. this is my explanation saying that I'm still very much around! just depressed and using what energy I do have to work on these projects. my discord is open to those who i've spoken with at least a couple of times via tumblr DMs if you're interested in talking nonsense, bc I still do love to do that.
Vik didn't want or need an answer to his suggestion right away. Sure, he'd do his damnedest to make it happen if Kerry agreed - and probably still insist on a couple days' relaxation if not - but it wasn't the most vital of decisions right now. More than anything, it was a way to luxuriate a little longer in some calm before reality could cut in.
So Vik let slip a quieter chuckle this time. "Yeah, your nice warm body pillow's been missin' you too." His tone was humored but his expression sincere as he brushed curled fingers over Kerry's cheek, thumb lingering a moment at the decorative chrome under one eye.
He didn't blame his partner for wanting to hold off on the news of improvement, either. It was a bit thorny, since it seemed kind of unfair to Désirée and Kearney in particular when they were so concerned - but to be honest, there were plenty of other doctors and nurses around to tell them. He knew from experience that though the hospital staff would advise going easy on Kerry, the tour staff would likely push right past.
"Mh, a bit," Vik tipped up one shoulder. "I think they've mostly talked to Désirée, but she did tell me a few hours ago that Kelvy and Silverhand saw the footage goin' around and checked in with her. She can update 'em after you feel up to talkin' with her and the rest."
Oh, Christ, that was just what that poor kid needed.
"For her sake, I hope it was actually V who got a hold of her, and not Johnny. Fuckin' hell..." Kelvy could be intense when she was worried, but Johnny was a whole other breed. He'd probably be stupid enough to accidentally blow his cover like that if he was freaked out enough, too. And if his fall was as bad as Vik said it was, he could see it happening.
Before he could get another word out, he would turn his head to let out a yawn. Man, he hadn't felt this wiped in ages. It was the adrenaline crash and the apparent near death all in one, he guessed. Usually that crash was for the end of tour, but with everything going on he supposed he couldn't be too surprised.
"...Yeah, we'll talk to 'em soon," Kerry assured, letting his head lull back into place again. "I just kinda wanna savor the moments of not havin' people bitchin' at me for a little while." At least for an hour or two. A while to rest before he was thrust back into being forced to think about whether he'd be forced to cut the tour short or if he'd be cleared to keep going if he wanted.
He didn't mind that Kerry was endeared by his reaction. It didn't stop him from meaning every word. Vik had already seen some pretty ridiculous levels of impatience from managers and staff and the like, during his latter days in the ring then especially when he hung up his gloves to treat his former peers. He doubted that pressure to perform was any easier for musicians as well-known as Kerry. Someone had to be in his partner's corner; facing it alone could be overwhelming.
Vik adjusted a little to lean in for a gentle kiss to Kerry's cheek. "Wish I could too. Just wanna get lost in you for a while."
Drown out that sound haunting his mind with far prettier noises. Remind himself he wasn't as useless or helpless as he'd felt the past day or so.
"If I hadn't come here in an AV, I'd sweep you off as soon as you're cleared 'n have us a little home vacation," Vik added with a light, warm laugh.
He lifted his hand from Kerry's, but only to brush a stray lock of silver away from his partner's forehead, then carefully rested his palm just to one side of the heart monitor stuck to the man's chest.
"Might still do that, no matter when you come home. Take a week and spend it however we want, just you 'n me."
One that could come true if his producers decided his health was more important than the tour. All at once, Kerry wanted the best of both worlds. When wasn't he as greedy as could be, really? To tour, to have Vik at the end of the night... Still, somehow he doubted he'd be allowed that luxury. Or maybe Vik would insist he stay if he was "forced" to keep touring.
Nevertheless, a little "home vacation" didn't sound so bad either. Exactly the opposite, really. At that point all he did wanna do was rest. Having Vik home for a whole week, at that? Man. That sounded like a privilege he couldn't possibly pass up if he were presented with it.
But, that would be a decision that would come later. He'd figure it, he guessed.
"Would be nice... been missin' my own bed, big time. My nice warm body pillow, too," Kerry remarked, allowing his head to rest back against the bed and lull to the side so he could look at Vik. He'd offer him a tired smile.
"...Guess we'll cross that bridge once we get to it, though. Same with tellin' everyone 'm back to bein' on this side'a sane. Really don't need anyone bitchin' at me, whether they're the tour manager or my adult kid," he heaved out a heavy sigh, then brought his hand up to rub his eyes briefly.
"Or Silverhand. I'm sure you've heard plenty from all three, huh?" Maybe that was too optimistic. Johnny loved to pretend like he didn't give a shit, and Kelvy had her work keeping her busy all the time... Nah, Vik's probably heard way too much from the staff of the tour more than anyone else.
mr. hands wouldn't be a problem, if that's what rogue decided. she may not have had a hand ( ha ) in the current DT landscape as far as their shared profession went, but she knew one thing beyond a shadow of a doubt ; hands had gotten as far as he had because there was no real competition. he wasn't running a city, he was, at best, in charge of a small neighborhood. if someone, herself for example, wanted to put a stop to it? it wouldn't be a problem.
but as kerry himself had said it wasn't his area, so rogue wouldn't bore him with the details of a possible takeover scheme. instead, she would pick up where they left off, in an area where he clearly knew what he was talking about.
once again kerry was correct. afterlife may not have been ( that most knew of ) a haven for the quote-unquote corporate elite ; but what was the point of starting something new if she only planned to follow the same path all over again? maybe the new place, the new mess, could be exactly that ── direct competition for those who catered to the 1%. a venus fly trap laying in wait, the scent of honey drawing them in only for the slow digestion to begin the moment they crossed her threshold.
of course no such thing had been her initial plan, and in fact even having the hypothetical idea in her mind was enough to start up a serious case of guilt-induced acid reflux ... but kerry had left her no other choice. it HAD to be considered since, in rogue's mind, he'd framed it as something she would never do. and when faced with someone telling her something couldn't / shouldn't / wouldn't be done the truth was quick to surface: rogue was, at her core, a pissy teenager who wanted nothing more than to do the opposite of what was expected or needed of her. it was the quickest way to get negative attention, and negative attention was the only kind of attention that really STUCK.
( she was an adult. an extra adult. a SUPER adult. these grounding thoughts along with the sound of his laugh were what brought her back to reality, the idea of opening a corporate safe haven shooed from her mind just as quickly as it had appeared. )
" would you give me the 'old friend favor' discount, or should i start preparing to sell an organ or two? " she assumed it would be about one kidney for an acoustic set, and half a lung for all the bells and whistles. pretty fair for the star power he brought along with him. " just for the record, i'm willing to pay extra if you let me choose the setlist. "
"You serious?" His fault for not taking her more seriously, he guessed. If he had to be in the shittiest part of NC, he supposed it would be for Rogue and only Rogue. ...Okay, Kelvy too, but that wasn't the point. Seemed to him like he was actually gettin' dangerously close to agreeing to doing this for her.
"I guess I could give ya the discount. Choosin' the setlist'll definitely set ya back a pretty penny though, Amendiares. Better get ready t'sell a lung," he'd remark, rubbing his hands together like a greedy, sleezy salesman. Within just a couple moments, he'd let his arms drop and his relaxed stance returned.
Honestly, what he really want out of her? He didn't need much, in terms of favors. Didn't need much in terms of money, either (much to the dismay of his managers, new and old).
"Eh," Kerry shrugged his shoulders. "We'll deal with all'a that talk once construction actually starts and dates are reserved. Ain't gotta thing t'worry about." He was both excited and terrified (as well as curious beyond belief) about what Rogue would choose for him to perform, but he was way more than up to the challenge.
Vik didn't need perfect words; those were impossible to come up with, much less convey. That Kerry heard him and understood, that he wasn't alone anymore while drifting through this feeling... it was enough for Vik, too.
A bit more lingering tension unwound from his back and shoulders when Kerry's hand rested over his. Man, as soon as it'd be safe to do so, Vik would wrap his partner up in the biggest, tightest hug. He probably wouldn't let go for a good while, either, not until or unless Kerry complained.
"That other shit should wait." Vik's insistence was soft - and kind of selfish, though not so much that he'd walk it back.
Kerry was still bedridden, still had a broken arm, and had only recently regained mental clarity. If anyone barged in right now insisting on talking tour, Vik might threaten them. Nonetheless, reason cut in.
"...But even if it doesn't, you don't hafta deal with it on your own. I'm not goin' anywhere, sweetheart."
A breath of laughter escaped Kerry. That hand cradling Vik's brought Vik's hand down to his lip, pressing a soft kiss to his palm before bringing it back up to allow the caressing to continue. Man, he was so cute. He loved him, probably too much. He always sorta felt like he was setting himself up for failure, let himself have something like this again. But how could he ever hope to resist when Vik made him so happy?
"Yer so cute when y'get all guard dog," Kerry jested, another short giggle tumbled out. Reminded him of-- okay, that needed to stop immediately. Comparing almost never went well, even when harmless. It was just nice, really having someone on his side again. Vik had basically always been like that, ever since he met him, but it never stopped the warmth from spreading in his chest.
The fact that Vik was there, and had no plans to go anywhere was such a damn relief. He knew how him being away from the clinic had gotten better with time, but he also knew still how he clung to his work. Kerry never doubted that Vik would be there in situations like these, when he really needed him, but it still felt like such a relief. Being along in that room would've been hell, even if they'd still have been able to have their calls.
"Good... wouldn't be able t'do it without ya." That shit would come with time, but he did hope they could just be left alone for a while. He was still so damn tired, his head still pretty foggy. Rest, contacting Louise, the kids, V, 'n' Johnny... then maybe he could start entertaining the idea of whether he wanted to keep going on with the tour or not.
As much as he knew he needed to just let it be for the time being, Kerry couldn't push the thought of what was gonna happen too far from his mind. The fate of tour, what he wanted to do... but also, what about everything else?
God, he really just needed to relax.
"Ugh, I just wanna be home. Want you t'help me forget all this shit goin' on." What he would give to not remember his own name in that moment.
the morgue was a morgue. it had been a cheap location, something which at the time felt cool, the perfect way to separate HER afterlife from the honky tonk nightmare she'd bought out. the fact that it had become part of the branding wasn't on purpose, just as having drinks dedicated to various people on the menu had never been the plan. these things just happened ── people took things that were personal to rogue and assigned their own meaning. low rent turned into a statement. the scent of a comforting and familiar drink always being within arms reach became the beginnings of what many had lovingly described as a death cult. rogue made choices for herself and then allowed others to let them get out of hand.
but sure. why not ? no reason to change the old pattern now. it was all about confronting death and how people felt about it. that sounded like a respectable enough reason. thanks for that, ker !
even though rogue held little to none of the same worries kerry did when it came to possible employees losing their minds on her watch, she would still be more than happy to take it into consideration. he wasn't wrong, there was nothing special about her or the promise of employment that would stop any actual psychosis from taking hold, no matter how confident rogue was in her ability to keep herself safe.
" kerry, i already make women dance in tubes. when will it be enough for you? " her comment was just about as serious as kerry's idea had been -- which, she hoped, was not serious at all. " cyberpsychos and naked women aside, if i were to go through with this my main competition - the only competition, really - would be heavy hearts. they have seniority, they have atmosphere, and god bless'em they even have bleecker. so in order to make it actually work here we'd have to do the opposite of everything they've done, carve out a niche that's complimentary, not competitive. "
live music really, truly, genuinely hadn't been her goal ; in fact it had been on the list of things to avoid. but it was something heavy hearts didn't have, so ... " they'll never have you, ker-bear. and that's some anatomy nobody can beat. "
Kerry couldn't help but break into giggles, the facetious tone of Rogue's remark getting him good. Couldn't blame a man for tryin'. Hell, didn't have t'be women if she wanted a little variety, but he wouldn't push it further, even in jest.
Listening to her, Kerry's expression faltered just slightly and nodded his head. Really, it didn't seem like that tall of an order. The vibes of a place like Heavy Hearts and Afterlife, of all things, were already complete opposites.
"Wouldn't worry about them, really," he mused aloud. "Afterlife ain't exactly known for attractin' the corpo elite of NC, so I doubt you're lookin' for that kinda clientele for this new branch." Kerry allowed himself to lean back against one of the staircases. "The real shit competition would just be with Mr. Hands-- but, that ain't my area."
His grin, his laugh, returned with Rogue's words. Guess he couldn't argue with her there.
"Not Heavy Hearts, not Black Sapphire. Fuckers don't got enough eddies on the damn planet. But for you? Eh, I guess I could do a favor for an old friend," he teased.
you arrive sideways. a half-smile. a well-timed comment. an ease that curves the energy of the room just enough to make it livable. you don’t force attention, you invite it, lightly. humor is how you test the ground. how you check for safety. how you step into spaces without startling yourself. people think it’s effortless. it’s not. it’s perceptive. strategic. kind. and when you drop the humor - when your voice steadies and the joke doesn’t come - people listen. because they know now: this matters.
colors: soft gold, muted coral, cigarette smoke grey
scene: sitting at a crowded table, laughter blooming around you, eyes briefly serious when no one’s looking.
TAGGED BY: @5urvive (thank youuuu <3)
TAGGING: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (say I tagged you if you wanna do it~)
He could definitely understand how Kerry, especially in a more unsteady mental state than Vik had been, might push back against the yawning silence in all kinds of ways. He'd never stop being grateful to V for helping Kerry keep going.
But right now, that damn sound just wouldn't stop haunting him. A part of Vik wished he'd stepped away into another room, or had the TV muted, or the mics had cut out, something, anything so he wouldn't have to struggle to forget how sudden and chilling helplessness hollowed out his stomach.
Vik's eyes shut a bit tighter for a moment or two, while he pressed into that gentle touch and its familiar calluses. They only opened when Kerry's hand retreated. Any thought of apologizing for clinging too hard vanished at the sight of his partner scooting to one side of the bed. Making room.
Didn't have to tell him twice.
Though there weren't too many wires, Vik was still careful just in case. He settled next to Kerry, turned on his side to face the other man with one arm cushioning his own head. His opposite hand cradled Kerry's cheek, and a soft sigh escaped as Vik's hint of embarrassment was drowned out by relief and loving concern.
"All I could do was sit 'n watch it happen," Vik added in a low whisper, a little pain lingering on his face. "It's no one's fault, and I'm not tryin' to push Kearney outta his job. It's just... I saw you hurt, and I couldn't fix it." His voice wavered a little, until he eased most of it with a swallow. "Haven't felt that helpless since the last time I set foot in a hospital."
"...I know, Vik." That helpless feeling was something he had too much experience with. He supposed that at least he didn't have a singular noise stuck in his head regarding those moments. Not anymore, at least. "Fuckin' sucks, not bein' able t'do anything. But yer here, I'm here. Way more than enough fer me, really." It was just about all the verbal comfort he could give him. Words wouldn't be helpful, they rarely were-- or, at least that was how it was for him.
Sometimes you just needed to feel it for a while. Let it exist. Let it pass, but likely never feel it truly fade.
Kerry brought his uninjured hand up to stroke the back of Vik's hand with his thumb again. It was about as much physical affection as he could personally manage without straight up leaning against him and potentially hurting his arm further. He just needed to reciprocate that touch.
"Things'll only get better from here. ...My health wise anyway. Dunno 'bout any of the other shit goin' on around us, though." God, that was gonna be the biggest mess, but that was fine. At least he was there to deal with the mess. Didn't make him any happier to be dealing with that mess, though.
exactly what she'd been looking for ; recommendations from an actual child. though kim would remain both free and encouraged to keep any and all music-based opinions to herself ( wonderful though they surely were ) rogue couldn't help but to smile at the idea of kerry's youngest daughter offering her two cents ─── two cents which were, from the sound of it, the exact opposite of anything that her father would have to say. this all brought to mind the question of nature vs nurture ; when it came to personal taste what had kim inherited from kerry, from louise ? what was only KIMBERLY from the start? and what did current trends lend to what she decided was or wasn't worth her time?
it was a question which people had been attempting to answer since the time of ancient greece, and overconfidence aside even rogue knew that she wouldn't be coming up with the solution in a single afternoon. it really wasn't worth more than the thought she'd already given it, and so the whole thing was pushed from her mind just in time to focus in on kerry talking about identity.
" the vibe of the original is literally death, ker. " words came as she trailed behind him, freckled nose wrinkling at the thought of both the flagship location and the various pieces of stage equipment left strewn about their current surroundings. " don't think i can get any worse than that this time around - but anyways ; i'm with you on going with the theme that's already here, at least in a way. haven't given it too much thought, to be honest, but i was playing around with the whole ANATOMICON thing. anatomy. could go all out and make the staff only full-body-converts, could go the opposite way, too, purely organic, not an implant in sight. "
and then, of course, there was the highly profitable middle ground. a fight club, if only visually speaking. " or a mix. we take it way back, old school. metal vs meat. " it may have been a childish gesture, but rogue stuck her tongue out at her own idea - miming a deep gag. " make it an unspoken homage to morgan. people would eat that shit up, no questions asked. "
"Well, yeah--" he couldn't exactly argue that, but he couldn't hold back the tangent his brain was staring to go on. "--but it's more than just that. The way a lot of people kinda just ignore it, some are probably made super uncomfortable by what it used to be, and some are probably so comfortable with it that it probably seems weird. The way people are with death in life, the way death is just kinda in the background of everything we do. Especially in your work as mercs, though. It's a statement, y'know." Maybe she already did know. Didn't matter. He just liked his own thoughts on it.
Kerry shut himself up to be able to listen to Rogue's thoughts. Only 'ganics or only full body mods, huh? Humming aloud, he wondered how the latter might look to some people. Would some almost be afraid of the possibility of how mental stable they were? Metal vs Meat, though...
"It's a good idea. Mainly just depends on how much insurance y'wanna take out in case someone happens t'go 'psycho." If it could come along for Johnny, then it could come for anyone. Last thing he wanted was for Rogue to end up getting a little in over her head and ending up hurt.
"...Could really go for the "anatomy" theme 'n' make it a skin bar, though," Kerry couldn't help but joke, a short snicker escaping him as he made his way inside further.
Continuing the tour was the last thing on his mind right now. Far as Vik was concerned, he thought the best course would be to cancel it and give Kerry more time to fully recover. He also knew, though, that he probably didn't carry any weight with his partner's tour staff; it'd depend more on what Dr. Kearney's decision would be.
So without much or any ability to really change that outcome, for now Vik would rather focus on helping Kerry get better.
He leaned a bit more into the hand on his cheek, eyes closing for an indulgent moment. Even just hearing those three simple words was a balm, after too many fraught hours.
It helped his laugh emerge as a clearer chuckle this time, and their eyes met once again. "That's damn tempting."
Vik's expression gentled while his touch skimmed down just a little to Kerry's wrist, finding comfort in that steady pulse beneath his fingers. "Love you too, Ker. And I've missed you just as bad. House feels bigger, when you're away." Emptier.
He caught himself, his look turning a bit sheepish. "Sorry. I don't wanna push you one way or the other on this, 'specially when that decision's gonna wait 'til you're better. I just..."
Vik debated briefly whether to bring it up again, now that Kerry's mind had cleared.
"When I watched you fall, I... I can't get the sound of it outta my head." A faint, wry scoff at himself. "All the shit I've seen - as a ripperdoc, in the ring, even before then - but it's that one thing I can't..."
He trailed off, pressing his lips to Kerry's palm again and shutting his eyes.
"Startin' t'get why I was losin' my mind in that house before you moved in, huh?" A slight tease, but with way too much truth behind it. The silence that came with such a huge, empty house had actively helped him deteriorate. An active reason as to why he'd gotten as bad as he had before meeting Vik.
At least they'd had their daily calls, texts. Kerry had hoped that made the silence a little less suffocating.
Whatever teasing and humor he'd attempted to keep the air light went up in smoke, though, as he listened to Vik. His heart ached for him. He rarely saw Vik getting like this, so upset. There'd probably on been a small handful of times since they'd gotten together that he'd seen it. Seeing it applied to him now... He felt a little guilty. Not like he could've done much when he hadn't known what was going on in the first place, but still.
He could imagine how he felt, unfortunately. Kerry had at least felt something similar before, probably. A few incidents with Johnny 'n' the terror that came with instances of almost losing him in front of his own eyes.
"Oh, hon'..." Kerry breathed, honestly unsure of what else he could say. "C'mere, Vik..." Gently, he took his hand back so he could adjust himself on the bed. Scooting over toward the right edge of the bed to provide more of an empty space. With his plan and status, his hospital was a bit more spacious than most. Not by a ton, but enough to where it could probably hold two people. Kerry's uninjured left hand patted the empty space beside him, offering the space up to his love.
