That last post I reblogged got me thinking again about how people can’t separate their idea of manhood from violence.
It’s like some people are capable of imagining womanhood without submission but can’t imagine manhood without dominance. Like for some reason in their minds women can escape their gender norms and make a new definition of what gender is for themselves but men can’t.
My cishet dad has often told me that he found feminist theory to be very freeing. It told him that yes men can be gentle and caring. Yes men can be sensitive. Being a man means what you want it to mean.
I’ve met other cishet men that feel the same way. I really do like talking with cis men about gender sometimes. You really see them become a lot happier when they fully internalize the idea that being a man means whatever they want it to mean.
A “real man” is a myth.
You get told a lot as a man “real men do or don’t do xyz”. I’ve even experienced this as a trans man.
but the “real man” is an impossible standard to achieve. He doesn’t exist. He’s a mythical being to strive towards. You will never be him and trying to be him will trap you in a cage.
If you think that masculinity is a prison, what you need to realize is that the bars are unlocked and there are no guards. You’ve been talked into your cage like an elephant on a string and you can open the door at any time.
And if you’re into women and worried about what women will think if you’re not “manly enough”, my question to you is, why would you settle for someone who wants to talk you back into your cage?
