people in fanfiction are so good at identifying v specific smells. I literally struggle to identify vanilla when Iām sniffing a candle labelled āVANILLAā how are these kids getting woodsmoke, rain, mint, and a whiff of byronic despair from a fuckin tshirt
Once I read a fic where they were like āhe tasted likeā and Iām expecting the typical formula (1 cooking ingredient + 1 natural phenomenon + āsomething uniquely [character name]ā) but instead they said āhe tasted like mouthā and it was one of the greatest fic moments of my life
This is just me spilling out all my feelings about a certain person, if y'all dont want to read mush and confusing teen hormones in the form of third person and characters that dont exist, please move on with your day. If you doā¦ First of all, why? Second of all, enjoy poorly written mushy gooy gay feelings.
Hey y'all! This is my first written thing on my writing blog! This is going to be a lot of self projecting feat. Klance. You might understand why, or maybe not? I dunno, we'll see :)
It was a night of diplomatic affairs. Aka, not something Keith was excited about in the slightest.
Allura and Coran were throwing a party, in the castle, to welcome an alien race into the the fight against the Galra empire. While Keith himself wasn't a part of Voltron anymore, the Blade was also invited to dine and be present at the meeting portion.
Keith didn't want to go at first, in fact he kinda still didn't want to be there. But there was one changing factor that ultimately triggered his need to be present. And that was a certain Blue eyed boy and his friends.
It was a formal event, so that indicated that everyone had to dress in a suit or a dress. When Keith arrived, in a suit that the Blade provided for him, he quickly saw people pouring in and out of the ballroom area. Immediately his nerves go still at the thought of being stuck in a room with not only most of an alien race, but also a quarter of the Blade. Not to mention his teammates.
Before Keith had the chance to scan the room for a group of humans, assuming they would all stick together in a mass, he heard a shout from his left. There, standing in front of the food table, was Lance, Hunk, and Pidge waving him down. Keith quickly broke away from his Blade posy to greet his old team.
As he walked up to the group, he got a better look at their attire and appearance. Pidge was in a dark green cocktail dress that had a trim of silver on the bottom and top, while the chest area had a silver sequence design of a rose. Her hair was combed and in a high ponytail with a lighter green headband, on her arms were long white gloves that came up to her elbows. Pidge's neck was shown to have a dark green collar which had designs painted with silver glitter. She looked stunning and mature, despite the fact that Pidge also sported tennis shoes with long white socks with the entire look.
Hunk wore black slacks with a light red belt, alone with a sunflower yellow dress shirt that was accompanied with a red and red striped tie. Hunk also had a dark brown vest that loosely draped over his shoulders, and was left unbuttoned. His shoes were black dress shoes with a golden buckle near the ankle. Keith noticed that Hunk was not wearing his usual orange bandanna and instead had his hair slicked back into a low ponytail. Hunk looked about as nervous as Keith felt, he didn't exactly look comfortable, but he was smiling as bright as Keith remembered.
And then there was Lance, and it's sad to say that Keith's first reaction was to do a double take just make sure that what he was seeing looked as good as he thought. Lance wore something slightly more flashy and scandalous than Pidge and Hunk, but that was only to be expected because... Its Lance. He had a sky blue sleeveless vest that was slightly unbuttoned at the top. On his neck, there were gold and pearl chains hanging loosely, whilst is looked like there was one that only had a string and a small shell. His black pants looked slightly tighter and maybe a size too small, but still fit his form to perfection. Lance also... Wasn't wearing shoes? Interesting? Anyway, his hair seemed to have been slicked over to the left of his head while sporting a single earring on his right ear. Needless to say, Lance absolutely looked stunning and gorgeous.
Keith almost felt embarrassed, his outfit was just a simple dark blue suit with light magenta trim.
Before he could get lost in his own thoughts, Hunk hands him a drink and makes some off handed comment about how boring the party has been.
āYou look good...ā he hears Lance mumble, and blushes slightly. Keith turns to see that Lance is looking anywhere but Keith and instead at a group of alien ladies that looks to be whispering among themselves. His slight bit of hope was quickly demolished and any reason he had to arrive all of a sudden seems pointless. But, Keith had to remember that he wasnāt just there for Lance; he was also there to visit his Castle family. While he doesnāt like to admit it, Keith absolutely considers the people he has been fighting alongside in this war, as his family.
Lance and Pidge had gone off to mingle, leaving Keith and Hunk at the buffet table. Keith glances over to see Hunk staring at him.
"Hey bud, is something bothering you?", Hunk asked with a worried expression. Keith didn't think that he even looked distracted or distressed, but he guess it would be hard to tell without being able to look at himself at the moment.
Thinking he was quiet for too long, Keith said, "Oh, yeah, I'm fine don't worry about it". Keith was bad at lying and he knew it. The only thing that was on his mind was Lance, and how stunning he looked and how his smile could light up a room and his laugh and- how could he possibly fall for a straight guy?! Keith had a plan on whether to ask out Lance or not, but he decided against it for the sake of Lance being straight.
"Nah man, I know you, there is something that is annoying your brain hole", Hunk said as he started poking Keith's forehead with the back of a spoon.
"Listen, its just a personal internal crisis... Its nothing you should worry about", Keith mumbled, beginning to get annoyed at the continuous spoon poking.
"A gay crisis?", Hunk said with a sly grin on his face.
Keith was immediately embarrassed and started stumbling over his words, trying to ask Hunk how he knew? Had he been that obvious? Was Hunk messing with him? What was he supposed to do?
"Keith, man, chill out. Don't worry, I won't tell anybody. I'm just wondering why you haven't asked him yet", Hunk said, putting a hand on Keith's shoulder. Keith slowly looked up and stood up straight.
Speaking of straight... "Hunk, I can't. I would have while I was still here, but I don't think he feels the same anyway. Hell, the guy is straight! What am I supposed to do now?!", Keith exclaimed with slight anger and sadness in his voice.
"You know he's Bi, right?"
"Wait... What?"
"Yeah, he's Bi. Dude, for chemistry class back at the Garrison he literally tye-dyed his shirt the Bi pride flag", Hunk told him as if Keith would know about this. Keith almost couldn't believe it, almost couldn't believe him.
"Are-Are you sure?"
"Keith, buddy, I am 100% sure he is Bi"
"I-I..."
"Keith, honestly, you should go for it! I can see you two being a thing and just- being you guys! I dunno man, all I think is that you should go for it!"
"Hunk... Thank you... Thank you so much! You gave me... At least some-", Keith manages to choke out until he stops mid sentence. Has he really thought about this? This entire time Keith had stayed away from asking out Lance simply because he thought Lance was straight. Now... Now it is almost worse. Because if Keith asked him out and Lance said no, it would've been fine because Lance wasn't even attracted to guys. It wouldn't have been personal. But now...
"Hunk, thank you for telling me... But I need to go", Keith gritted out while he felt tears prick the corners of his eyes. Hunk almost took a hold of Keith before he ran away, so Hunk was left calling after him.
Keith ran. And ran and ran and ran. He couldn't stand being in that room anymore, not while his eyes could still catch Lance's, not while Lance flirted with other people, not while Keith knew. Keith managed to find a small guest bathroom a few halls down and hid himself inside.
His tears never came, they were close, and he felt in pain in his chest and stomach, but no vomit, coughs, or tears ever graced the outside world. Keith just wanted to leave. He wanted so many things right now. Things he has wanted since he left Voltron. He wanted to curl up on a couch and watch movies with Hunk, Pidge, Shiro, Allura, Coran, and Lance. He wanted to cry out all his dammed in tears just so he could feel relief. He wanted to eat some of Hunks food, his almost best friend. He wanted to hug Shiro, his almost brother. He wanted to listen to Pidge rant, his almost little sister. He wanted to hear a story about Altea from the alteans, his almost uncle and older sister. But most importantly, he wanted Lance. He wanted Lance, dare he say, his almost lover.
He wanted to tell Lance everything, how he felt, what he wanted, where he would like to go, and who he would like to go with. He wanted to hold Lance in his arms and never let him go, just to make sure harm never goes his way. Keith wanted to lay in bed with him and be tangled him mess of limbs and loose blankets. Keith wanted to get all the love his had in his heart and hand it over to Lance. Keith wanted that more than anything. He wanted Lance, but the thought of never having him kept Keith from going back outside.
While Keith now knew he had somewhat of a chance, the chance came at a higher risk. If Lance rejects him, it won't be because of sexuality, it will be because Lance doesn't like him personally.
And that, in Keith's opinion, is way, way worse than having no chance.
Keith didn't come out of the bathroom for a while. But when he finally did, he decided that he should leave and just go back to the base. He felt shitty and didn't want to be there anymore for any reason.
Before Keith could make it out of the front entrance, he heard his name be called and quickly turned around.
Lance was making a bolt for where Keith was standing and make bi attempt to slow down. By the time Keith could register what was happening, Lance's body was pressed tightly against his own and he felt himself go completely red.
"Hey bud! Where did you go? Hunk told me you left in a rush really upset about something. I thought you were already gone, but I came over here anyway just to see if you changed your mind. Anyway, are you okay?"
Lance's rambling was muffled by the panic and absolute bliss he was in. Keith knew he shouldn't have be as happy as he was just from a hug, but he was. He made an attempt to speak, but nothing came out. Instead, he wrapped his arms around Lance's torso and buried his face into Lance's shoulder, silently whimpering.
"Woah, Keith! Hey, look at me...", Lance says as he backs away and puts two fingers under Keith's chin, forcing him to look up. Lance's face was riddled with worry and seriousness, clearly on the verge of tears himself. Odd, Keith thought to himself. Lance continued, "... I don't know what happened, and I tired to ask Hunk about it, but he said it was something I would have to ask you about. So... Now im asking. What happened? Did someone hurt you?".
Keith was silent as he held back his tears.
"Keith... Is that a yes?"
"I mean... I guess so..."
Lance immediately looked pissed, "Who?! I'll fight them if need be! Just tell me when and where and show them that-!"
"Lance- wait no! Its not... It's somebody you know, but I can't say why or how they hurt me. Listen, it was... Indirect, so it's not like they even know." Keith was about to step away when Lance grabbed his hand, and looked down at his feet.
They were both silent for what felt like eons. They could hear the music muffled by the walls of the Castle, along with slightest scattered mummers of the people inside. Keith all of a sudden put all of his focus on Lance's hand. It was warm while he loosely held Keith's fingers, and his hand was... Almost shaking, like it was scared of something.
"Keith... Im going to need you to be honest with me, okay?"
Keith looked down, and nodded lightly.
Lance looked at their hands, and decided to bring up his other hand so that both of his hands were holding one of Keith's.
"Was... it me?", Lance asked in a voice so small only Keith could hear it.
Keith didn't know how to answer, a part of him wanted to reject that statement immediately and tell him that it wasn't his fault. But... In a sick, twisted way, it was Lance who hurt him. The thought of rejection clouded Keith mind so badly that he just accepted it as reality. Rejection became Keith's reality without him ever actually taking a chance. It hurt, a lot, and there was not much he could do about it.
"Keith?" Lance says, slowly looking up to meet Keith's eyes. Keith started, and god he could stare for hours if he could, but he can't. Keith slips his hand out of Lance's, and manages to pull a sad smile on his face.
"Yes and no. The thought of you hurts, but only because I made it hurt," Keith turned slightly, facing the front entrance and started to walk slowly, "Im sorry Lance... You deserve better than me. I need to leave. It was nice se-" before Keith could finish, he turned to see Lance's face had tear streaks painted onto his freckles. Keith instantly panicked.
"I-I didn't know you-you h-hated me that much. Im sorry... I should have known. I'm sorry for whatever I-I did to make you h-hate me so-", Lance broke off into more of a light sob, and started to fall onto his knees.
Keith fucked up, he knows he did, he has to fix it, but how can he tell Lance that he-
Keith needed to stop being selfish.
Before Lance could fall over, Keith ran towards him and caught Lance in his arms. Lance sobbed softly and started hiccuping, "I-Im sorry, I wanted to help but I ended up being the problem! I-Im s-so sorry!"
Keith felt his heart break into pieces, everything that he promised to Lance in his mind felt broken and like a lie. He had to say something, anything, just to prove to Lance that he didn't hate him.
"I love you!"
Well... He guessed that was something. But it was the wrong something. Lance's sobs stopped to heavy breaths as he met Keith eye to eye. This is it... This is where I fucked up! Keith lectured to himself. He didn't need to tell Lance, he wanted to tell him, but he knew the consequences. He wanted to run and hide, but he was currently sitting on the floor with the boy of his heart half draped over his lap. It was kinda hard to move.
Lance stared at him, saying nothing and unmoving. Even though Keith was panicking at the moment, he couldnāt stop his mouth moving and started spewing words against his will.
āI donāt hate you Lance, I never did and I never will. Sure you annoyed me at first but that was then and this is now. Lance... you were there for me when those who should have werenāt. When Shiro disappeared, again, I thought no one would be on my side or support me, I thought he was the only one who had my back. I was about to, not only give up, but not even consider taking up a position as the leader. But then... you not only believed in me and made me see reason, but you also showed that you and the rest of the team have my back.
āAfter that, I couldnāt stop thinking about you. Thinking about how you make me feel and what you do for me, I was falling for you...ā, Keith stopped to take a breath, he looked at Lanceās expression to see if any features of disgust had arrived, but surprisingly, they havenāt.
Keith realized he went too far... He just told Lance that he was in love with him and now he is going to hate him and never talk to him again or- "And... What about now?", Lance asked, disturbing Keith's train of thought.
"What?", Keith asked, his voice wavering.
"You said you were, falling for me... How do you feel now?"
Keith was hesitant, but he didn't want to deprive Lance of an answer. Keith's heart was telling him to just get up and run away, his body shook in anticipation of what the next few minutes could mean for his and Lanceās relationship. He wanted to dig a hole into the floor beneath him and bury himself alive, his heart was fighting against his chest.
Keithās heart was about to implode when he decided to once again look at Lance. And at that moment, he realized something. He stared into Lanceās blue eyes and saw a sense of hope swim in his irises. Lance stayed close to his body, only a few inches of room between them and if they were to move any closer there would be no room to breath. Lanceās hair looked almost messy, probably from when he collapsed on the floor. He had a look on his face that was... so soft and free looking. No tension, no fear, nothing that indicated that Lance would hate him.
Keith, in that moment realized, that no matter what answer he would give, Lance would never hate him for it. Maybe things would get awkward, maybe there would be some tension; but no matter what, Lance would still love him as, at the very least, a friend.
Keith took a deep breath, and looked at Lance while smiling softly, noticing the dust of pink on his cheeks, and spoke only a few words.
āI still amā
THATāS RIGHT BITCH!!!! MAKE UP YOUR OWN ENDING!! MAKE A FLUFF, MAKE ANGST, DO WHAT EVER YOU WANT!!!!
