Bold Rold

...Come on! There's (art)work to do! ~w~ Hullo, I'm Rold. ~w~

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Tumblr has been a safe haven for LGBTQ people and their art, and it’s possible the folks who bought tumblr planned to destroy this safe haven all along. I wouldn’t be surprised. I was pretty suspicious back when they banned words like “gay” and “lesbian” on the phone app, saying these words were lewd. I think this is just the next step in destroying this place that was once home.

[boldrold]

Loving reminder that you're important and valid no matter what your struggles may be ❤

Thanks <3 <3 <3

Things have been really, really hard lately, I’ll admit. I’m trying to get better but I’m only getting worse. It’s been quite a struggle.

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Sketching Yuzuru Hanyu! You know, before I saw him perform in the 2014 Olympics, the idea of a flat-out celebrity crush--as opposed to just a crush on a fictional character played by a celebrity--was still pretty weird to me. But I think I can say now I’ve got a bit of a celebrity crush on him. He’s so majestic and he’s got such an aura of goodness around him! Plus, you know. He’s majorly attractive. XD

...So is Shoma Uno, while we’re on the topic of fine figure skaters! And if I met the two of them irl, I might actually end up more attracted to him, simply due to the fact he’s an inch shorter than I am. It seems that when guys are shorter than me, I feel so much less physically threatened by them, which allows my attraction to men to actually fully manifest (aka I get Super Gay around short attractive dudes!)

I wonder if anyone else experiences this??

[boldrold]

It’s beginning to become clear to me.

I likely won’t be capable of holding a regular job. All my years upon years of schooling, and the way things are right now I just don’t have the endurance. I don’t have the energy. I’m happy I learned so much and grew into the person I am, but all the time, all the money... has it been a waste?

I wish I’d been diagnosed years ago. I wish I would’ve recognized that the gradually increasing number of “mental health days” I’d take each quarter were largely for resting my body. I wish I’d realized, as I gave up one thing after another so I’d have the energy for schoolwork, that having to do such a thing isn’t normal. Giving up having friends and going out isn’t normal. Giving up hobbies isn’t normal. Giving up clubs and other activities isn’t normal. A life of study, rest, study, rest, study, rest, study... that’s not life, and if I have to let go of everything just so I can sometimes feel okay enough to do some schoolwork, it means my body has a real physical illness I need to treat.

I wish I’d been diagnosed years ago, so I could have started improving my condition, and so I could also make plans in case my health didn’t improve. I remember marveling that people could work eight-hour days, five days a week. It seemed like a super power! But I figured I was just being dramatic, and that I’d adapt to it just fine once I was a part of the workforce. That’s what I was always told. I didn’t trust myself, didn’t trust that I knew better.

I gave up so much for my schooling, but my health has continued to worsen; and it has inevitably come to the point where I no longer have energy even for school. Now I’m extra close to graduation. A few more credits and an internship, and I’ve got my degree. But can I do that? Can I even do that? Walking is hard. Standing is hard. Thinking is hard, I’m so exhausted and in pain. I have to nap every few hours. If I overdo a physical task, I can barely walk and stand for at least a few days afterwards, sometimes a week. I don’t think I’ve even got half of the energy it’d take to even do one day of an internship, let alone the following days, for weeks!

I’ve given so much of my life to school. I wouldn’t be the person I am now without it. But has it been worth it? Will it have been worth it? So much time... so much money...

And the one thing I feel I may still be able to do, is be an artist. I can at least make a little money with that if I find a niche. Boy, I feel like a fool. All that time and money, I should’ve put towards getting an arts degree. I should’ve stood up for myself and taken the courses I wanted, not the ones I thought would get me a decent job. But the sad thing is, I didn’t have the energy to fight. I didn’t have the energy to fight for myself. Because that’s what it would have been: Constantly fighting my parents for the ability to do what I, in my heart, knew was the right path for me. Enduring their criticism, day in and day out. Enduring. Enduring. Enduring.

I don’t have that. I haven’t had it, for so long.

I thought I was enduring; but cutting away parts of life is not endurance, after all. It’s illness.

I couldn’t fight.

I wish I’d been asked what I wanted. I wish I’d been listened to instead of told what was “best for me.” Maybe I could’ve saved myself years of my life and tens of thousand of dollars.

Now here I am, regretting.

[blipblorpsnork]

Inexpensive Cheap Writing Commissions!

Hey all! For those who do not know or follow me, my name is Kalen! I’m a 25 year old disabled trans guy who loves making people smile, writing, and angst! (Not always in that order lmao!) I’ve been struggling really severely lately with finding a job and am in debt to a bank and a friend a few hundred dollars. I am also struggling to have enough money every month to pay for my phone (which, as many of you know, is a literal necessity in this day and age) AND still buy enough groceries to eat more than once a day.

I am unable to cover any medical costs, which almost put me in the hospital recently with severe bronchitis; I was only able to recover because someone else paid for me so I wouldn’t end up dead. I can’t do anything with my transition, can’t buy myself extras, and can’t afford the held I need for my physical and mental disabilities and illnesses. I need to make some sort of money.

I want to try to make a little bit of money through my writing. I am currently unable to hold a job, but also do not  qualify for disability yet for various reasons (which include not having the money to prove I’m disabled… Yeah. Exactly.) One thing I know I am very good at is flash fiction, vignettes, and drabbles in fanfiction as well as original stuff. I really enjoy writing, especially enjoy basic requests, and love making people happy by giving them personal things that I’ve written for them and them alone!

What I want to do is start by accepting drabble commissions. These commissions would cost $1 up front, for a small drabble likely between 350 to 2000 words. I am currently able and willing to write for:

Markiplier/Mark egos Jacksepticeye/JSEgos Naruto (all pairings, but especially SasuNaruSasu as it is my main pairing from the series and I’ve been writing for them for 5+ years) Original writing dealing with your OCs (DM me for details!)

THESE WILL ONLY COST ONE DOLLAR USD!! I want to start with little bite sized chunks and work my way into more as I go, but for now you can get great quality writing of your faves for dirt cheap! My specialty is angst or fluff, but I can and will write any and all genres! I love doing one-shot horror pieces and reader inserts of all kind as well!

If you have any questions or specific requests, please please DM me! If you can’t afford a dollar, which I completely understand as I can’t either, do me a favor and share this so your friends who might be interested can see it! It will be SO appreciated if you do!

Thanks so much, and I look forward to writing for you guys soon!

[blipblorpsnork]

Cheap commissions are still open with a short wait time!! If you can’t afford or don’t need a commission, a signal booster would be super helpful as well! Message your friends and let them know, vingettes, flash fiction, and drabbles as low as $1!!

[boldrold]

IDK if I’ve reblogged this yet, but this is my awesome friend Kalen! He’s good at writing and could use any support you’re willing to give. So if you’ve been thinking, “I wish someone would write this cool thing I thought up!” or, “There’s not enough writing about my OTP!” then hit him up for a commission! ...I know I’ve gotta have some followers here with SNS headcanons they’d love to have written about. XD

[boldrold]

It’s been a long battle.

Still fighting fibromyalgia. My pain and fatigue last quarter was so much that I even had to drop out of my single college class, which was online to boot; even that was too much for me to handle. I’m slowly trying to struggle back to my feet. I’m happy to report that I’m managing to take that one class this quarter, even if I’m not doing the best in it. Thankfully it’s one I rarely have to show up for, because it takes me a couple days to recover from just going to class.

Even so, things are gradually improving. I’ve been getting light exercise every day, and I’m wasting fewer days in a constant haze of sleepiness. Doing my schoolwork makes me feel smart again. My desire to make art is bubbling to the surface more frequently, which is nice. The only decent thing I’ve managed to draw is a sow bug tho. I’d like to try different forms of art, and I’m interested in watercolors again. Making and selling art is on my mind a whole lot now, and if I can get myself feeling relatively decent, I’d like to see if I can make and sell things! I’d feel proud if I could.

A cool thing that happened earlier this year was, I was contacted by a publisher asking if I had any new writing they could publish. Unfortunately I didn’t, but that makes me wonder whether I should invest some time into writing original stories. It’s definitely something I’m considering.

Anyway, I’m still alive and I still use this site, albeit basically just for browsing my dash at the moment. Maybe I’ll post that sow bug picture at least? Haha~ ...Well, y’all will be the first to know if (when?) I’m well enough to work hard at being an artist again. I hope you’re all doing great!

~Harold

[boldrold]

Wind and fire--together they create an overwhelming, destructive force, burning away the old to make way for the new. Revolution. A painful necessity. Sometimes there’s no healing the current state of things; sometimes, we need to remove what exists so something better may flourish. It can be devastating, but destruction, in the end, is necessary for growth. A massive fire frees up space and feeds the soil, preparing the ground for a new generation of seeds and saplings.

[boldrold]

It seems half the world is burning and the other half is underwater right now.

[boldrold]

Alicorn Apple Bloom <3

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... ...well, this piece turned out dark.

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Hehe~ I was finally getting Manga Studio up and running on my new computer yesterday, and I had to reset all my shortcut keys anew. It was funny, because I couldn’t remember a single assigned shortcut key by thinking about them, but the muscle memory of those shortcuts was so deeply ingrained in my mind that I’d still try to use them while drawing. So whenever I hit a key and it didn’t do what my muscle memory expected, it allowed me work backwards to deduce the tool to which that key should be assigned, despite my not remembering it. That was cool, not knowing these things consciously, but still retaining the knowledge subconsciously. It feels in its own way as if my mind is merging and harmonizing with the technology I’m using.

Oh P.S. I’m glad to say, my art skill’s still there, after my not having access to digital art for months. And I’m working on a picture. Yay! :)

[boldrold]

...Figured it’s time to upload my various Sasuke sketches from the past few months.

[boldrold]

Yielding

“I--very quickly--began to wish you had managed to break every bone in my body and drag me home,” Sasuke said, his voice rough and tinged with bitterness. “That would have been more humane than what he’d done.”

Naruto lowered his head, closing his eyes solemnly. “You changed after that.”

Sasuke nodded. “You felt it.”

“I did. You weren’t yourself. Your chakra was even different.”

The conversation lapsed. Sasuke didn’t respond immediately. It seemed to Naruto that Sasuke wanted to say something, but was having some difficulty. While he waited for his friend to speak, Naruto tried to relax, envisioning his worries flying away, borne lightly upon the wind. Finally Sasuke found his words, and they were quiet.

“Is it bad, how my chakra has changed...”

Sasuke gave a long sigh, trying to dislodge the ache deep in his chest. It hardly budged.

“It was bad, at first,” said Naruto. “Cold and vast, like a lifeless universe. I was desperate to feel what I once knew of you. But I was sure you were still in there, and I guess, it turns out, I was right.”

“What do you mean?”

“Your chakra’s still changing, Sasuke. Haven’t you felt it?”

He shrugged. “I guess not.”

“Even right now, it’s changing, bit by bit. It’s not bad. Not at all.”

He couldn’t bring himself to say he loved how Sasuke was changing. Naruto was aware his friend was healing; and as he healed, the best parts of him were beginning to shine through the shadows cast by his experiences. Naruto was happy for Sasuke, and proud of him. I’ll tell him one day, he resolved.

It wasn’t that he’d have to say it aloud, but that he wanted to; Sasuke, he was certain, already knew.

[boldrold]

oh my god I tend to forget just how mindnumbingly creepy and 100% horrible Orochimaru is until he shows up again x_x

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I’m rewatching Sasuke’s big fight with Itachi, and I’m noticing that every so often Sasuke seems to drop his confident expression and for a second or two he just looks like a lil lost cinnamon roll. :0

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Crayons! +playing around w’ editing.

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And at the top, tied in a lover’s knot, the red rose and the brier...

An image inspired by an old folk song.