—singularity before chaos | iwaizumi h.
synopsis: hajime loves you infinitely, but the finite words of humanity could never deliver.
it’s not as if the world makes sense, because truth be told a lot of shit doesn’t make sense.
calculus and physics never made sense. not learning about the reality of adult life in school doesn’t make sense. iwaizumi hajime comes to learn that chaos really is everywhere. the universe, he recalls oikawa exclaim in one of his drunken speeches once, even claimed that the universe was born from chaos.
even to our very core, the explanations to why even atoms exist doesn’t make any fucking sense. so ofcourse, hajime thinks, that’s when the finite minds of well, people, scramble to try to corral the infinite with the little words we have.
it’s a headache, if anything. so iwaizumi hajime settled at that.
until you, because when he wakes up with the gold of your rings shining like ten thousand suns under the morning light and your legs intertwined under the sheets, his brain erupts into chaos to try to connect words with emotion.
reason, he thinks in those moments, has never been so far out of his reach. so for a while, he tried to just be content and let himself settle within the chaos. the one taking space in his mind, his heart—his dick.
he doesn’t question why it’s him you chose but rather the how. how, in the one in a trillion chance of you meeting in this life and living in this now as you lay foundations for this future. how, that you still said yes even if he asked to kiss you in the rain and yes you were sure if he asked to love you while you were sniffling with a cold the day after.
“hajime,” you call and at the sound of your name he swears that this must have been what the big bang felt like. just a burst of everything all at once. chaos, life, you, and him, somehow connected within chaos.
it’s overwhelming, and he knows that this is just because he’s in love but hajime swears on this life and every life after that he’s rendered breathless with just your voice.
and so you smile, chuckling as you see his breath hitch even more. your hand, warm against his chest, where you let your stillness try to quell the big bang in his chest.
“haji,” he hears a little more softly this time, and he chuckles right as his body relaxes with your touch. he doesn’t question the how and why anymore because even as though no answer comes to him, he feels that his enlightenment has already come.
“chaos,”he finally remembers oikawa say, “is really fuckin’ cool iwa chan.”
“why?” hajime remembers he asked his friend without much interest.
“because it came from singularity. that teeny dot made all this happen,” oikawa replied, looking at the ceiling with a familiar wonder in his eye.
“we owe all chaos and beauty to that little dot.”
singularity, hajime smiles, is you.
dancing in the rain and kissing like fevers don’t exist you. jumping in puddles and twirling with your hair sticking to your face and dress drenched you. your hand on his chest, warm and steady, infinite and beautiful, calming his chaos—his big bang, you.
and the chaos—the scattered patterns and miscolored swirls suddenly blend into a harmony of all the colors called beautiful.
it doesn’t make sense, still, because the world still doesn’t make any fucking sense.
but this. you and him, and this—soars above the boundary of the finite and the restraints of the questionable chaos.
“hajiiiii,” you smile again. “what’s up?”
“something just finally made sense that’s all,” he replies with a laugh.
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