High For This

If it hurts to breathe, open a window

[medusa-thesun]

Focus on your goals.

What is my goals?

2356thoughts

[medusa-thesun]

Today is July 21, 2018! Well, I guess I wrote this around 2 years ago? well, more or less.

But hey, I got an answer.

Up until now, you had no goals. But you have a hope, a wish of what your future gonna be.

You are a working woman now, you earn your own money, you paid your bills, and you are not afraid of showing your affection anymore. You are grown! SO PROUD OF YOU!

So, even though you had no certain goals, that you want to achieve, no worries. Cause as the time goes by, you will had a wish, that will turn into hope, and hopefully if you want it bad enough it will turn into goals. That you will certainly achieve it, if you give it all you get.

Soooo, take your time okay? :)

Kisses, from me.

The future you <3 

[medusa-thesun]

Its me!

The you in october 7 2019!

The 29 years old you that lack of motivation, lack of love and lack of self discipline.

You want to resign from your current job for the second time. But you still thinking will it be the right choice? I guess the older you got the more thoughtful you are.

Still single as always, but you met someone that stole your heart in by just one kiss at the beginning of the year (yeap! January 2019). But you let him take control of your love life. By the end of the day he did not even call you. It sucks, i know. Get your heart broken over and over again cause you fall to fast. But hey, can you even blame your self? Nope. Thats who you are, so just bear with it.

Well you went to a trip and you realize that vacations is a good self healing.

You rent a house too! How cool is that! GROWN UP AS HELL 😂

You get a dog too! (The one who is afraid of commitment and a dog, is no longer here) 😂 his name is bonnie, he is super aggressive and possessive.

You clubbing a lot 😂 seriously your body too old for that.

Well, it was amazing year! Hopefully it will be more amazing for you in 2020 🙏🏻🖤

LOVE YOU ALWAYS.

You.

[bonniekrazikid]

Hello from the Future,

Today is 18 jan 2023. Yep! years passed by, pandemic happened, you resigned and then entered the company again as partimer.

you’ve learned a lot in the pass years, in romance or in work or biology. LMAO

i cannot say that im not proud of you, but i got a mixed feelings.

lately, i cant really sorted out my feeling, things are all over the place. days like this, i wanna sleep forever.

18 jan 2023 - 6.40pm - mels macbook <3

[perfectfeelings]

“Mental illness is like fighting a war where the enemy’s strategy is to convince you that the war isn’t actually happening.”

— Unknown

[bonniekrazikid]

I should stop with all the fantasy about you, i should stop my wishful thinking that we’re gonna be together.

I should stop, cause i know it will never be true

[bonniekrazikid]

“A daughter shouldn’t have to beg for her father’s affection and attention”

One strong sentence that i agree very much. You could said that i picked a “people-pleaser” treat, in an early age. Just because i want him, to want me.

Perhaps that's also why, i hit a quit button once i realize the person that i engaged ((in any other relationship or activity)) wasn’t paying attention to me. Cause in my head, there's a voice always saying that if i should beg for their attention then, it was not worthy. Its better that i quit it!

[bonniekrazikid]

Take this away from me, i dont need unnecessary feelings.

If theres a god, please, make it easy for me to let it go.

[amargedom]

“I’m too busy being yours to fall for somebody new.”

—

[amargedom]

“You were a dream. Then a reality. Now a memory.”

—

[booksquoteslife]

“But then it passed, as all things do.”

— Khaled Hosseini, And the Mountains Echoed

[booksquoteslife]

“You’ve no idea how lonely I sometimes am.”

— C.S. Lewis, The Magician’s Nephew

[bonniekrazikid]

This thing here, the things that you’re doing. Is misleading. Even though you did not mean it, but it got my hopes high.

You know i have MAJOOOOR crush on you. But you’re being too nice is making me difficult to move on.

I need to seperated my heart and my head.

[bonniekrazikid]

That was ours

I found it first

Do you still

Do you get deja vu?

[minuty]

“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”

—

[bonniekrazikid]

Up against me

The devil that i fought alone every night, i didn’t tell you about it yet, didn’t I?

I call them scars and noises. Keep me awake, hurting my self over and over again.

Been trying to survive it every day, and lately it comes often. Since you dont talk to me anymore, just because i told you how hurt you makes me feel.

I thought you promise me forever. I thought you promise me to always be there. I thought you promise me to fight for it. I thought you said you love me.

But i guess, you dont know me enough. And i dont know you enough. We dont understand each others enough.

Its my fault to easily trust you. Its my fault to swallow all your words in whole. Its my fault.

I keep the pills, i took it in. But it didn’t help.

Oh, i guess i didn’t tell you about it either. Its a sleeping pill. I took it regularly, to help me sleep.

I guess, its mean i didnt trust you well enough.

Or the wall did not completely gone.

Its a lie if i said i didn’t miss you, cause i did. I even said i loved you, and i mean it. But i guess, its time for me to go back.

To my self, to love me more.

With you making me feel small, making me questioning my self, making me hate my reflection in the mirror.

But i can not denied how being with you, making me happier and feel love. Is that even real?

Theres no beauty in break up

Theres pain

Theres heart broken

Theres disappointment

Theres an end of an era

Its time for me to go home now.

- 13.05.2021 - 00.07

[bonniekrazikid]

30!!

Lol!

I went a bit overbought this time!

I mean, in my opinion, i rewarding my self that can keep up with living the live i life now.

And im rewarding my self since she’s working her ass off! 🤍

Thank you me, for doing your best for 30 year!

🤍

[bonniekrazikid]

Night like this

I wish i’ll sleeping eternally

[bonniekrazikid]

A letter for my inner child

I know times were tough.

You were just a kid, not even 5 and you already learned how to cry without making a noise. Just because you dont want everyone to pity your situation.

Its okay, you’re okay. You’ll be okay.

I know times were tough.

You were just 8 years old when your beloved uti passed away. She’s whose always be there for you. And her last words that night still living vividly in your mind. I know you missed her. I know.

Its okay, you’ll be okay.

I know times were tough.

After your uti passed away, all you want is your father or mother to console you. But they’re not available. Older people are so petty. They only think about them self, i know. I know you’ll miss your father. His cigarette smell, his words. You miss him. You want him to wants you, to miss you. You were crying so hard in the car, and your mom mocking you for it.

Its okay, you’ll be okay.

I know times were tough.

You’re 9, and you have a new step sibling and a new step father.

[bonniekrazikid]