CHRONICLES OF LUXEO: ADVENTURES ON EARTH
My colleague, Artemac, from the planet Udoff, veered off course last Tuesday (of all the meteorites, what was he thinking?), so they’ve sent me, the handsome, charming, and superintelligent Luxeo, to rescue him.
My radar tells me that Artemac has ended up on the planet “Imperfect”, or as its inhabitants call it, planet Earth (what a ridiculous name for a planet!).
Truth be told, they’ve sent me because I lost in the Catch a Galaxy games.
We’ve held these elimination games because, although we have a moral obligation to save Artemac, nobody wanted to go after him. The word from the bad antennas is that he’s a complete jerk, poor guy.
Well… I’m setting out on his search today.
Today I finally arrived on planet Earth. I’ve decided that in order to keep people from discovering that I’m a green, slimy being (Aren’t I cute, right?) I'm going to use my “transic” powers to transform into an Earth being.
Phew, this is so difficult! I’ve never transformed into a being before, and with the hunger I have, I don’t want to think about food because that would end very badly.
Let me try again… I must concentrate, focus my gaze on… Oops! What did I just see? It looks like a being that has expelled waste from its rear end. How curious! We Udoffians do it through the mouth, but oh well, it seems like a good “being” to transform into. Here we go! I did it! Now, I’m going to explore the planet a bit.
Well, today I've thought it's better to transform into something else, since with this body I can't communicate with the inhabitants of this planet. Besides, yesterday was a dog's day! This planet is very strange, I don't understand anything these weird beings say, but I'll try to transform into one of them, and with my "bla bla" powers, I'll be able to initiate conversations.
By all the stardust! This transformation has hurt quite a bit. How can they walk covered like this? My whole body itches, and my little toe fingers are begging to breathe.
Finally, today, my radar located Artemac. He's in a place called "Calle de la Luisa". I'll have to use my "bla bla" translator to ask someone.
— Excuse me — Oh, what a voice I’ve got, I don’t recognize myself — Do you know where “Calle de la Luisa” is? —By the way, what a strange man, all in blue with a plate on his chest, could that be his serial number?
— Yes, you have to turn right and that’s “Calle de la Luisa”.
— Thank you, kind person —I replied.
— You’re welcome, kid, but shouldn’t you be in school?
— Umm… Yes, I’m going now, bye.
Phew, that was close! I must be more careful. School? What an ugly word. Anyway, I'm heading to "Calle de la Luisa". Hopefully, I'll find the annoying Artemac once and for all.
Yesterday on “Calle de la Luisa” I didn’t find Artemac, but I did find his spaceship. I sense that bugger is very close.
I’m hungry; I’m going to see if there’s a terrestrial place around here where I can eat. I found one, it says “Pizzería”, I don’t know what that is, but by the smell, it must be delicious, it reminds me of my planet. Okay, I’m going in.
Coming towards me, very determined, is a very plump lady. What does she want?
— Hello, welcome to “Pizzería Artemac”, what can I get you?
I was stunned to hear the name. I had to react quickly!
— Yes, I want the spiciest one of all.
It was delicious. That spicy taste reminds me of my planet and the reason I was here. My radas started beeping; I turned my head, and there he was.
— Artemac? —His appearance was strange; he seemed older than described to me, and I could see that everyone in the “pizzería” greeted him very kindly.
He didn’t want to come with me to Udoff. He explained that he deliberately deviated from the route, that he was tired of being treated like a fool. He told me that here people appreciated and respected him, and that his pizzas drove all the Earthlings crazy.
It’s been a week since Artemac stayed on Earth. I had to come up with a good excuse to convince the elders, who seemed to believe the whole story.
I can’t say that Artemac made the right decision, but it did seem to convince him.
I should have shown all the Udoffians how much he was worth.
Do you want to know what I told the judges?... It will be another time, as for now, I’m heading back to Earth to eat another pizza.