I have always believed Iâve lost many people I loved. But love is a very strong word. You can love in different ways in different amounts, but to really love someoneâŠman, thatâs serious.
Iâm not kidding. When Iâve had my heart broken in the past, the first thing Iâd say is I really loved him. I really cared. But life is funny because you keep moving and sometimes youâre able to find a way to âloveâ again.
But out of all the people I claimed to love, I never once said âI love youâ.
I surely felt the impulse to, and I really couldâve genuinely probably loved that person in that instant. But this is so different. So beyond the realm Iâm comfortable in. The point where it is actual chaos in my head.
You said it first. And I still waited. Waited until I was fucked up and couldnât hold t back. And then it was exchanged more, given the unforeseen situations we placed ourselves in. But I meant it. And when I said it, I felt guilty. Guilty I allowed myself, finally, age 25, to say I love you to someone.
I know youâve loved people unlike I have. Youâve gone through things I havenât. Saying it for you is not the same for me. And I canât be mad at you. And I shouldnât be mad at myself. But I am. Iâm so mad.
I love you. I want you to know how hard that is for me to accept. Because I am most vulnerable right now. And everything is scaring me. And I am doing things I donât want to do, and feel as though I have no control over it.
The one thing Iâve been most scared of in life is right in front of me. And itâs more terrifying than i imagined. It hurts more than I couldâve ever prepared myself for.
Iâm sorry. I love you.
Iâm sorry , I love you
