Books by Defenestration

Accountability in Writing

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Ernest Hemingway, on writing: (attributed as 1973 despite his 1961 death)

“It is easy to write. Just sit in front of your typewriter and bleed.”

Books by Defenestration.

Welcome to my sitting at my typewriter, and bleeding.

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75259/28099/600000

Am I very bad at accountability?

Warning: big rants about mental health and how I am not coping okay. So yeah. Just so you're warned.

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Let's just say when my brain decides I will do nothing - I will do nothing.

Though hey, one of my doctors said this week "Whenever your brain says something, do the opposite." (Trust me, that's not weird advice under the circumstance.

So, biggest problem? I can't focus on a single project. All three Plenty books are done, and while I thought maybe I should in that universe, I only want to write more about Plenty, and I cannot make that kid any more overpowered than he and the Firsts already are. I thought, hey, I'll work on the Almost Kings series (finished the first novel, started at least started six more? But the timing seems off on all, like I somehow got it right in book one, and then it flops and doesn't quite work in the others. Like, book one, the first chapter, our introduction to the MC, it's hefty. Not in a serious way, but in a somehow fluffy way to learn and understand the character. In possible seven (I keep changing their order so possibly seventh) there's not a lot of detail about him, other than he hates his job, will only read books if his phone is dead, and got shoved off the top of a parking structure. (It's cool, he's shortly sacrificed to a volcano god, it's nothing weird.)

BUT I CAN'T CONCENTRATE.

Thirty two days, according to my counter, til I can start ripping Plenty x 3 apart. Best friend asked for a copy of the Plenty books to read before I edited, but that was like two weeks ago and I have heard not a word and I am afeared.

I keep trying to come up with a story to write, another novel, I can do this!

Except I can't.

My doctor doesn't want me to force myself into mania with deliberately not sleeping an a LOT of caffeine anymore, but... IDEAS HAPPEN IN MANIA, NOT THIS STATE.

This is so incredibly difficult.

Yeah, should not be exploiting neurodivergence's awful powers for ideas, but I'm starting to get desperate.

I've stopped all my other hobbies. I don't draw, I don't crochet, I don't knit, I don't cross stitch, there's a lot I don't do anymore. I feel like I've already lost them to my brain shutting each of them down and leaving me with fucking Hello Kitty. Hyperfixations y'all.

I can't lose writing.

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I know what you're thinking. Holy cow, look how high and fast that word count jumped!

Or... or... or... hear me out. Three days lost to reality in which I tried to write something, anything, and I ended up with sixteen starts and no finishes and no idea where I was going, and apparently I wrote like 18k over three days of nonsense?

If only any of them were longer than 4k on its own.

I adore writer's block.

AUGH.

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Words.

Three random started stories that I hated all of.

But... words?

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I put Plenty on a key, put a timer to start the count down to edit. I proudly puffed myself up, and went, "I succeeded in writing a trilogy I'm happy with, I'd like to write fantasy this time so that I don't get pigeon holed for weird ass science fiction."

And then stared at the screen.

And stared.

And stared.

...huh.

I... don't have a plot to come up with characters to put in it. Or characters that I can shove into a world and build something around them.

After Plenty, which felt kind of easy...

Dude. I have written so many novels before! Why can't I do this?!

I need.

I dunno. I wrote something today, but it was literally just nonsense because... I wanted to write something? Keep my writing muscles strong!

I... but now I have a problem.

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Plenty is done.

I am now hyperventilating. Forgive me for not posting yesterday, I was having freaking out.

Time to "put it in a drawer".

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It's almost finished.

I'm terrified that it's almost finished.

When I am done, I don't want to make the stupid mistakes I sometimes make with fanfic - I'm listening to Stephen King. I don't always like his advice, but his drawer method - put the manuscript away for six weeks (or something like that) so that you edit with fresh eyes... that's the plan.

Oh no.

Oh no.

OH NO.

What am I writing the day after I finish Plenty's story?

........

I have nothing.

I gotta come up with something.

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Struggling with a character that might be overpowered. He has wild powers! Does that make him op? Maybe, but there are also other characters that can do that. He has a wild unique appearance! So does at least one other person. He can speak dozens of languages! Well, learning them is his hobby, and most of the languages have certain roots that if you know one allows you to learn another easily - none are anything like human languages with grammar and syntax and that, so characters who speak only "human" (It's Latin, but it's been a long time since anyone has known that it was called Latin, so it's just human), find it nigh on impossible to learn the languages.

For instance. I am learning Japanese. It is hard. Very hard. But it has nouns. Verbs. Adverbs. It's hard as anything because they do it very differently from the one language I speak fluently and the one I speak conversationally, because those two follow the same regional type of language. (Even my few years of Latin studying, makes sense because of English and French.) Japanese is hard because of how it works - but I still recognize bits of the language.

Now imagine someone showed up and spoke a language that consists only of the sounds of bells ringing off each other, and if they are truly angry, they might sound like the dull sound of rocks cracking off each other.

Yeah. Where are the nouns now?

So is he overpowered because he learns language? I mean, that's his hobby, so... I don't think so?

He uses unusual weapons! So does an entire species. He made someone sentient! Total accident. Survived a time where he should have died. Also an accident, though he uses it a lot more once he discovers the ability.

So I guess my question is this.

Does it make a character over powered when he is NOT the only one with said abilities? There's not a lot, maybe a little over a dozen, and they gathered on purpose, but... does their existence mean he's not overpowered, he's just... powered?

I think I don't know how to judge this because I often write characters I want to be overpowered.

I don't want Plenty to be ridiculous, but if he's not interesting, isn't he boring?

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I think in my attempt to fit so much new things into the story - because there needs to be a bunch of information, but none of them need to have a lot of "screen time" because it's like learning "Shocking thing A, but that leads to shocking realization B, which leads to actions C, D, and E..."

Sometimes I wonder though, in my efforts to get all of that necessary information, have I rushed it too much?

I feel like Quicksilver sometimes.

(Not the Quicksilver you thought I would use, huh?)

Admit it. This is the one you were expecting. I love Erik Lensharr's son in every form he takes.

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So. I said I'd keep trying to go. I'd keep trying to write. I managed to write some words in the library yesterday... and discovered that my city gave us all free transit for the day cause Canada was playing in the Fifa thing... we lost, too, so... at least it was free?

It bothers me a lot that book one and two of Plenty's story just screamed along and wrote themselves both in no time, but suddenly mental health has struck like a frying pan to the side of the idea, and book three is staggering along.

I did, at least, manage to get a scene that's actually been haunting me since book one on the page.

But the more I write, the more I realize more editing than normal will be needed.

Well, hoping to finally get something beyond just fanfic posted online.

Plenty is demanding.

Guy doesn't seem to care about much in his life, other than humans are terrible, and that he takes poorly to people trying to kill him. I'm not actually sure that it's him being demanding, I think it could be Sophie, leaning over me and demanding Plenty's story be told.

Demanding characters that demand so many things.

...maybe Sophie is doing good things.

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Hi.

Long time no accountability. Psychiatrist and therapist both are concerned that I can't and won't seem to write.

I've talked about mental health before... yeah. Not been good.

But... I wrote some today. Yesterday. The last day of June, actually.

I shall be updating shortly with July. Which.

I wrote one day in July.

I'm trying to get back into this.

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Yesterday's word count, not today. Today is 'get all this stuff done' day. I feel like that's what's happening in the story right now. It's like the gathering of superheroes, the building of the team, solving problems on the planets they went to previously...

Nikirk came back. I love me some Nikirk.

Just... everything is building up to the final crash. I just hope my crash is good?

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49559/32126/600000

Real bad at this accountability.

Well, no. More just really bad at writing daily, like I planned. Things doing things in my brain is not great.

Also, because I sort of accidentally made my villains from my first two books into not the villains, I scrambled to make a new villain - actually not an old villain, just one I had actually meant to be redeemed, not villainous, but hey, write what the stories tell you - and then there are memory things that happen that will have to be implied through the story, and a throw away line I added just to express how evil the bad guys are...

...hello new character! You can't even talk cause you've around nothing but things you ate! No people of any kind! Then you do learn a language through memory things, but...

Then you turn into a mass murderer!

...okay, that's... half the people in the story are murderers and the other half are mass murderers (that's what you get turning villains into main characters cause everybody realizes that they were actually right in their actions.... augh.)

...tis brillig.

Next I'll be handing Plenty the Vorpal Sword...

Wait...

I just need to calm myself down. And think.

I almost feel like I'm writing a third novel that is so different from the first two.

Yes, there was character growth! Everyone tells me that's essential! Plenty has grown so much! Like... an alarming amount in the third book.

But augh I love it and I'm scared of it! At the same time!

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Not doing so awesome at the whole accountability thing.

So.

Usually I go "Stories going such wild directions I didn't expect is so cool!" "The story is smarter than I am!"

Um.

I can't decide if the story is smarter than me? I worry about Plenty. Oh sure, character growth and change, but... because of a memory of their dead sibling - who was only a tiny bit sibling until the memory - and now they are literally dealing with a LOT. Character growth. Sort of? Also I feel like my villain is way more awful than I had originally planned, but a horrorific eugenics leader who wants to keep a species pure... I mean, you are really not supposed to like them.

Why did I kidnap that character?

Why is my villain so awful it makes me actually ill?

Why is there randomly a scene from several million years ago? (Okay, that one was actually kinda slick, but also horrific, people are awful.)

I need to go back, through the first two groups, and add breadcrumb trails. Yes, it's there that memories from that species can be accessed - but have I explained well enough that their access to their memories allows time to be confusing? I'm not sure I have.

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While I would love to say I wrote all of that today, I did not, I only wrote a little over 10k. However, with a bit of fuss and bother going on, I have sort of forgotten to track exactly how much was written each day. So, I've worked out how much I did write this month so far... and let's throw it all onto one day.

And then I delve into two major issues for me - linguistics and not wanting to be a TV Trope.

Linguistics at the moment is coming up in names. The one species is military and immortal and harsh - so their names start with hard consonants. (@acesjapanesepracticeblog was the clever thinker behind that.) Then another race that has softer, more open voweled names, but trying to make them have an almost Chinese pronunciation, but not Chinese.

Which leads me into not wanting a TV trope!

Fantasy Counterpart Culture - TV Tropes

Creating a completely new culture from scratch can be a daunting task. Think about everything the word culture encompasses—music, food, arch

Essentially, the idea is... I can't think of culture, language, art, clothing, religion, etc - so they're now German but called "Imaginary Place A!

No. No no no no no no no no no.

I shall not do this. I don't want all the other tropes that go with it - Medieval European Fantasy, Space Romans, ________ Vilain by any other name (so many options), or perhaps dangerous, Unfortunate Implications.

I want none of that.

Sure, I might have readers going "Wait, but there's a caste system", which is correct for one of the many species, but it's wildly different from any caste systems on Earth or historical Earth - I've tried to think of an entirely different word to use to separate these Castes from historical castes, but using another word doesn't give the right connotations. It's tricky.

I do have one character discover to her delight that there is one practice that is sort of like religion, the first implication she's seen of any religion - and it's in the last book. She says "oh god" once, and has the other main characters asking who god is and what they're doing.

...humans confuse aliens? Especially since all the people they meet are very confused by humans, who are very alien to them.

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I'm not sure what to say. This story had planned directions.

This was not the direction I... expected.

I mean, I think it's good? But it's also a moment of... WHAT?!

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Ever name a character and go "Yes, this is the perfect name for them", and then spend the next forever mentally flicking the image of your favourite character with that name, even though they are nothing alike?

No, of course not, never.