A/n: This story is based off the song Sleepwalking by Bring Me The Horizon. The song and lyrics are somewhere down below. :D It’s on Wattpad too...
It's a bright sunny day, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, the flowers are blooming. The weather is very unseasonal for December, when the city is supposed to be torn with storms.
At least, that's what I heard from the other side.
The 'other side' being the other side of the mirror of course. A place unreachable, untouchable; a mysterious wonderland I can only dream of. That is a place which I can never see the extent of, a world unknown to me. A cruel fate I have, being a reflection.
As a reflection, I sit on the other side of the mirror; watching the people on the other side as they walk by, mimicking their movements via holographic images that appear to them. I am but an operator, a shadow of sorts, sitting all alone, travelling across mirrors all over the world.
Most mirrors are in bathrooms apparently.
Ah the bathroom, a peaceful sanctum for most. It is a place separated from the rest of the world; a place of privacy. This is where you can remove your clothes and shower; pull your pants down and do your business; etc. It is a place where you can cry, kill someone, hurt yourself. It is the most private part of any area; because no matter what you do there, unless there's a camera, it'll always remain unheard of, something known only to you. A secret.
As a reflection, I have seen, heard, reflected people's deepest, darkest secrets. I've seen their lowest moments, their self harm, their toilet sink flings, their tears. I've also seen murders, angry curses, last words.
The secrets I know, the things that I've seen; my conscience is killing me. Every single thing that I shouldn't have seen flash through my eyes whenever I close them, haunting me, telling me that I shouldn't have looked, I shouldn't have known.
Ha, I probably should stop doing my job then, if I'm so miserable. But I can't.
If I don't do this, what should I do? Where should I go?
There is no place for me but inside this mirror, that I know because I've tried escaping countless times before. Trying to break the glass is no use because every time it does crack, it just fixes itself up again in seconds, like it was never there. I've tried refusing to work as well, but there is some sort of fail-safe that starts to slow my heartbeat whenever I try to go on strike. That shows that there are other replacements for me, that I'm expendable, should I ever try to go on strike again.
There is no use for me at all if I don't work. If I stop working, I'm useless apparently.
I've already desensitized myself to this sin I'm committing; I'm long past feeling guilty for seeing things supposed to be left unseen. I've resigned myself to being fluid, unfeeling, making it as if my whole life is merely a dream, a meaningless vision which I'm sleepwalking through.
Each day is another surreal fantasy, and my philosophy is that if it's not real, there's nothing to feel bad about, right? So I shouldn't be showing any feeling because there is nothing to be emotional about, IT'S NOT REAL.
I haven't felt anything, any feeling at all except for a dull silence in myself. It's not a peaceful silence, more of a disquieting quiet hissing and rolling around inside of me, reminding me that I'm just a soulless robot working through my days, counting them until I crumble into oblivion.
I've forgotten how to feel.
I sigh, pulling my legs up on the simple stool I'm sitting on. This reflection of the dark bathroom I'm in is perfect for me to just let go of everything. Let go of feelings, let go of living, let go of life.
I think I doze off, and when I wake up, the room is still dark.
Music suddenly starts playing.
Chords ring through the air, melodic in tune, falling and then catching itself. Afterwards, a guitar roars in, accompanied by the crash of the drums, its catatonic sound mixing with the previously pleasant tune, akin to depression behind a fake smile.
My secrets are burning a hole through my heart
And my bones catch a fever
When it cuts you up this deep
It's hard to find a way to breathe
The vocals slice through the sounds, cutting straight through my ears and into my head. The lyrics echo around me, conspiring change in myself. I look up at the reflective surface of the mirror, clearing the holographic images and simply staring at myself.
Your eyes are swallowing me
Mirrors start to whisper
Shadows start to sing
My skin's smothering me
Help me find a way to breathe
Dull, black eyes stare back, alabaster skin a contrast, looking like it's about to swallow the rest of me whole.
"Speculius," I hear my name whispered from the mirror.
I sit still and stare, before seeing the reflection of myself smirk. My heart stops beating for a second. My lips aren't moving.
Time stood still
The way it did before
It's like I'm sleepwalking
Fell into another hole again
It's like I'm sleepwalking
This feeling of timelessness is familiar. It feels like I'm falling into an oblivion where time and space doesn't matter. I feel eternity looking down upon me through the dark, endless pits I call eyes in the mirror.
It feels like I'm teetering off the edge.
I'm at the edge of the world
Where do I go from here?
Do I disappear?
Edge of the world
Should I sink or swim?
Or simply disappear?
What edge I'm teetering off of I'm not so sure of.
I feel like I'm falling, despite being aware that I am merely sitting still on this chair.
Am I actually falling? Does it just seem like I'm sitting?
Your eyes are swallowing me
Mirrors start to whisper
Shadows start to sing
My skin's smothering me
Help me find a way to breathe
The lyrics and music is still raging on as I question my existence. A millisecond complete cut off of the music catches my attention, and I'm suddenly pulled back into reality.
Time stood still
The way it did before
It's like I'm sleepwalking
Fell into another hole again
It's like I'm sleepwalking
Cacophony erupts once again, numbing my ears, pushing me off the steep mountain of reality. Echoes and repetitions of screams, roars, bangs, crashes surround me.
Wake up!
Take my hand and
Give me a reason to start again
Wake up!
Pull me out and
Give me a reason to start again
"Wake up," I hear a whisper over the barrage. I ignore it, thinking it to be useless.
"WAKE UP!" It yells, frightening me, and I take a sharp intake of breath. In doing so, I see something.
Time stands still
(Time stands still)
Time stands still
(Time stands still)
Your eyes are swallowing me
Mirrors start to whisper
Shadows start to sing
My skin's smothering me
Help me find a way to breathe
The music is reverberating in my head, millions of voices singing to me, mixing, combining, regurgitating the sounds then moving, then combining, then repeating-
Time stood still
The way it did before
It's like I'm sleepwalking
Fell into another hole again
It's like I'm sleepwalking
It reaches its crescendo, the drums at their peak, the guitar reaching maximum momentum, the strings, beats, and everything in the song is dangling off the edge of the cliff-
(It's like I'm sleepwalking)
(It's like I'm sleepwalking)
(It's like I'm sleepwalking)
The song falls, leaving me, gradually slowing down.
Time stood still
The way it did before
It's like I'm sleepwalking
I look in the mirror, my eyes still wide in disbelief. My hands reach out to touch my face, then the mirror, then my surroundings. The smooth porcelain of the bathroom sink is made known to my sensitive hands, and the pristine cleanliness of the bathroom amazes me.
This whole world slowly dawns on me, clearing any doubts I have, further bewildering me as I realize that this is in fact real.
A/n: This was finished around 1:30 am. xD Wooooo, go writing sprees.Â
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