Tired All the Time

Hi! I'm Rose. Enjoy my ramblings :)

[miltonlibassistantn1fan]

angel metal band you agree

[kociamieta]

forget angelic harps it’s time for angelic electric guitars …

[bookwyrmwithablog]

I'm still working on assignments and today I pulled a sickie from work and when I called to tell my boss I was ill she had a go at me. I'm struggling to deal with it now, when I'm somewhat healthy. It'd be so much worse if I was actually ill. Dear god I need to find a new job.

[endivinity]

I've been diagnosed with ADHD-inattentive! It's clinically mild. It wasn't picked up in childhood because I was a gifted kid who wasn't disruptive or fidgety, or doing otherwise vastly inappropriately-timed behaviour outside of the usual for my age group, and then when it started presenting in later high school years I got the classic 'has potential, just needs to focus. Unfinished projects' in my reports, but because I wasn't fidgety or majorly disruptive it just got sort of sidelined. I fell between the cracks. But I think that's just the done thing, for people like me. Not severe enough to be noticeable, or the symptoms are managed (with a lot of hidden difficulty), or you're not enough of a compelling case (trying to get government assisted work placement failed, back when it was just the sleep disorder) - just mediocre, a mild inconvenience, your strengths prevented from being fully reached because they don't like all the issues of your deficits. which for me is in administrative stuff, as evidenced by never replying to emails :'D And then people sort of wonder why you're not doing everything they think you can. Believe me, we fucking know. We're frustrated too. There's a special kind of grief that comes with that, being left behind because you exist in a middle ground of expectation and disappointment, that I think I have to make peace with as I move forward with this. I'm 31. I've lost nine years to struggling between my degree and now. It wasn't all bad, but it's one of those things where I can't help but wonder how different it could've been if I'd known earlier. So what happens from here? I dunno. I'm being put on a trial run of meds and I have to properly handle my life balance since it's very easy to neglect your health when there are no outside pressures to do otherwise. more than anything I want to finish those five-year-old commissions that are still outstanding. Every time I open the files I get anxious and it really, really fucking sucks for everyone involved. From there, who knows?

[dissolving-epiphany]

[bookwyrmwithablog]

My anxiety has been really, really bad lately. I have a LOT of deferred assessments which are all due in much sooner than I'm comfortable with, and I'm really struggling to do anything with them because I'm so overwhelmed by all of it. The thing I hate is that it's impacting my girlfriend, who's scared about what it means for us if I don't pass this year. I don't have answers for her and I hate it.

[bookwyrmwithablog]

Welp. I’m at my parents’ house tonight and I have left both my nighttime and morning anxiety meds at home. I have work tomorrow and will not be back until teatime. I don’t even have my emergency meds for if I have panic attacks.

Fuck.

[bisexualgambit]

I have ADHD so I’m immune to podcast

[the-pink-bunny]

stealing this from @chefpyro 's tags cause same

[tricktster]

always thought that it was crazy other folks with adhd couldn't focus on podcasts when i was totally immune from that issue then quarantine happened, i stopped driving long distances every day, and you will never fucking believe what I learned I can't do

[freshcuntgrass]

Wait. Do people just sit down and have a podcast without any other sides, like it's a full meal? Podcast is something you ADD to other activity. That's like eating a bowl of cilantro and going "mmm yummy salad"

[bookwyrmwithablog]

I’m currently making my way through Alice Isn’t Dead because I’m obsessed with Welcome to Nightvale and I like to listen to it while I’m trying to sleep when I’m alone/not sharing a bed with my girlfriend. It makes me feel less like my thoughts are going to suffocate me.

[thememedaddy]

[bookwyrmwithablog]

Y-yeah…

[bookwyrmwithablog]

5 posts!

[bookwyrmwithablog]

Hi.

I'm currently on the sofa watching crappy TV with my girlfriend and housemate. My ear is still hurting but slowly improving and I'm feeling better than I have for a little while. Things are getting better I think.

Rose x

[ripeteeth]

i simply need everyone to understand that i am tired all of the time. literally at all moments. if i ever go somewhere and do something, it is not because i am somehow full of energy, but instead that i have carefully stored up all of my little bits of energy like a dragon collecting jewels, and am now vaporizing them all at once

[bookwyrmwithablog]

I mean, there's a reason my blog has its name. I don't know if it's my mental health problems or it's the fact that my body keeps presenting more health issues like it's playing whack-a-mole with me and my doctor, but I am perpetually exhausted at the moment and this ear infection keeping me awake so much is not helping. I really, genuinely miss having more energy.

[bookwyrmwithablog]

Hi.

I don't know if anyone will read this. Honestly, it doesn't matter if you do or don't, I don't mind. I just need somewhere to scream into the void for a while, and where better for that than here?

I'm Rose. I'm 20 and studying English Literature and I think I have ADHD but I'm fighting my country's medical system to try to get assessed because the government here would rather fund stupid stunts to get elected than actually care about healthcare.

I have a mix of anxiety and mild depression and have frequent panic attacks, which started a few months ago when I was given medication to help me deal with my chronic migraines. They're difficult and they're scary, and I'm still learning how to cope with them. I'm very lucky to have access to CBT, which I'm hoping will help me to cope better in the long run, and I might post some of the resources I receive from that here if anyone thinks it will help them, along with an explanation of how to use them.

I love nature and art and music and I think that the world is a wonderful place, but being a human is hard and we're all on our first attempt at it. I need to be kinder to myself and I know I'm not the only one. I have days where everything feels wonderful and I want to experience the whole world in all of its glory, and I have days where I get trapped in my own body and mind and I get so stuck that I can't move and even getting out of bed feels like an insurmountable battle. Sometimes there are lots of bad days. Sometimes there are lots of good days. Sometimes a day starts out bad and gets better unexpectedly, sometimes the reverse happens and it seems like everything is corrupted.

At the moment I have a fairly nasty ear infection and I've had a lot of hard days. I've not slept much and am in quite a bit of pain. However, I am also in my bed with my new laptop, with my beautiful, incredible girlfriend whom I love dearly asleep at my side, and tomorrow I go to my parents' house to watch the new Star Wars series with them. Even when things are hard, there is also the good and I know that I'm one of the lucky ones.

I honestly don't know how often I'll post here, and what I talk about will depend on what I need to process. However, my inbox is always open to anyone who needs to talk, and I will answer any questions I want to in my own time and try to give the best advice or feedback I can.

I hope you have a lovely day.

Rose x