Summer
Genre: Angst
Word Count: 2248
Warning: Depression, Self-Harm
A girl endowed with intelligence. A girl bestowed with the beauty of an angel. A girl who is known for being perfect. Being a tall, slender girl, she possesses a fair complexion with a hint of pinkish glow. With her silky hair that ever shines in a way that it would not have even on the brightest of days whenever it catches the sunlight, she would make Rapunzel jealous. Every time she smiles, her hazel eyes would twinkle as if they held the entire universe in them. The winsome laugh and smile that her full, red lips always wear are magic itself - they always wash away the dark and sadness and bring light and happiness with them. Thus, it’s no surprise that girls want to be her, and boys want her. This girl has everything wrapped up in the palm of her hands; she’s the epitome of perfection.
Everyone assumes she’s perfect - she has the looks, a rich loving family, and good friends. Apart from being perfect in every way imaginable, she also loves to help people who are in need, especially people who have suicidal urges and people who constantly feel alienated. She would reassure the person, that the feelings that cling to them are just transient, and she would try to make them feel wanted. Without a doubt, she is loved by everyone. Materially, looking at the surface, it’s an ideal life.
This is where the proverb, “Do not judge a book by its cover,” comes into play. Since everyone considers her to be perfect, they would never have come across the thought of her experiencing hardships such as weeping in bed, alienation, or even depression. People seem to have chosen to underestimate the power pain possesses and what it is capable of doing to a person. People seem to have forgotten the truth that everyone is struggling in actuality. People seem to have shunned the fact that some people are better at hiding it behind a mask they create for themselves. No, rather, they all have chosen to lie, to ignore the reality out of indifference and fear. However, the truth is the truth; it is impossible to defy it. She, the perfect girl, was trying to cope with the agony alone.
Her sobs contain all the sorrow present in the world; her sobs clench onto all the unattainable hopes and happiness. Hearing her inconsolable, silent cries of help would break your heart. Her laughter contains all the rapture present in the world; her laughter triumphs over all the disbelief and sadness. Hearing her joyous, soft chuckles of blessing would mend your heart. You might ponder how someone can be strong and weak at the same time, how someone can be happy and sad at the same time. One might answer that people are as strong as a diamond, yet as fragile as glass. Where there is happiness, there is sorrow. These are part of life, but that is not her case. Whether she be a diamond or glass, she was broken. She has lost the key to the door she has locked and hidden behind. She was the embodiment of desolation. All the ecstasy she has ever felt is a mirage of the past.
Right after her birth, her parents’ business thrived. Their lives were busied with the matters of their company. They prospered in return. Since she was their only child, she was left with a nanny to look after her. Since she was their only child, both her parents always showered her with things she wanted to fulfill every kid’s said dream - to play with as many toys as possible. But that wasn’t what she longed for. All she ever desired was their love and care; she wanted nothing more.
For the first two to three years, her parents would find the time to spend their days with her and go on family vacations. However, as years went by, her parents couldn’t afford time for her anymore. Despite knowing this fact, she wouldn’t stop praying they would spend time with her, even if it is for a second. This wish would always grow stronger on her birthdays. Instead, every birthday, her parents would send various types of gifts and throw marvelous parties for her. Due to this, a sense of loneliness started to creep slowly into her mind.
Whenever she saw families laughing their hearts out and having the time of their lives, her heart ached. It pained her that her parents were not there for her when she needed them the most. Her parents never understood that the only thing that she ever wanted from them wasn’t material luxury but their attention and parental love. She used to think receiving love from her very own parents was easy and that they would open up sooner or later as long as she gave her best. However, as time passed by, she felt more like a fool for wanting what she could never have. The sense of loneliness now gradually made its way to depression.
Nowadays, the only time they would meet and spend time together was when they have to attend business gatherings or have photo-shoots for Vogue and similar magazines, but right after they complete these formalities, her parents would leave her without saying goodbye. These actions never fail to make her question if they truly loved her. However, these events were the only way she can spend time with them, even if it was to pretend they were the perfect family. She has come to what she thought to be content and put her mind at ease with these; she was grateful for these little moments.
At schooling-age, she was put into a prestigious school. Many boys and girls befriended her. She was more than happy to be surrounded by such friends that were giving her all the attention she had longed for; they were her answer, her saviors. She felt loved. Eventually, she soon came to realize that all her so-called friends were using her name and fame. She really did believe they were her light, her answer for she was naive and was oblivious to the dark truths the world held. She had never imagined that they were faking everything; this hurt her mentally and left a scar on her already-damaged heart.
Even though she has a clear understanding of how her friends were fake, she was hungry for attention, even if it was feigned. After all, to a point, she finally got what she wanted. With the fear of being consumed by her thoughts, she withstood the pain. With the fear of being left alone in the dark, despite the heartache, she chose to quench this desire of her.
However, she was only human; there was only so much she could handle. There were times when she couldn’t bear the pain and broke down. She would soullessly stare at her ceiling, and the thoughts on all the negative things about herself continue to eat her up. She felt lost in a void of nothingness. She was starting to get tired of everything. It was getting worse, and yet no one lent her a hand.
Day by day, it was getting harder for her to keep up with the facade. Crying her heart out was the only way out. However, as the pain grew, crying did not help her. Without thinking twice, the razor under her desk became her friend, her only salvation: she turned towards self-harm. It hurts during the first three to four cuts, but looking at the blood dripping down her wrist, she felt satisfied for the pain inflicted by the razor was incomparable to the pain inflicted by the people she loved.
The following day, she would pretend that everything was fine. She would crack jokes with her friends and do every crazy things possible, but when she got home, she sat silently in despair. No matter how hard she tried to stop the pain, even for a second, nothing, not even self-harm, seemed to work. All those negative thoughts about anyone hardly loving and caring about her kept creeping into her mind. The silent killer was doing its job and she knew it well; she was already losing.
However, Jack, one of the popular boys from school, was the only person who saw how broken she was.
“Show me your scars.”
“What? Why?” she replied, puzzled.
“I want to see how many times you needed me, and I wasn’t there for you,” he whispered.
Jack made her feel wanted and stayed by her side as she battled her depression. Soon, they fell for each other. She saw Jack as her ray of light; he was the lost key; he was the One.
One day, she overheard a conversation between Jack and his friends talking about her. She heard Jack’s friend, Hayes asking him whether he really liked her.
“Why would I? I’m not stupid. I’m just using her name. Why would I like that kind of depressive maniac?”
“Oh, for a minute, I thought you really like her. I mean you’re all smitten towards her.”
“C’mon man, it’s all an act. Everything’s an act.”
Heartbroken by Jack’s answer, she ran back home and raced to her room. All the stars in her eyes died; now, there is nothing but a black void. She couldn’t believe how foolish she was to believe in Jack to be her salvation. The same went for her friends. She felt so stupid for not knowing the truth. After crying her heart out, she wiped out her tears and looked around the room. Her eyes caught on an object which the rays of the sun laid on - the sleeping pills. She walked towards it, took out a handful of pills and swallowed it. After all, she has got no more tears left to cry; she has got nothing to lose for she has already given up.
The following day, her nanny Janet went to her room to wake her up as it’s her birthday. However, when her nanny opened the door, she was greeted by the many pills that were scattered on the floor. Soon enough, Janet saw her mistress’ sleeping figure. A ghost-smile adorned her face which was as pale as the silvery moon. The smile somehow told the world that she was at ease; she was content; she was finally free.
Shocked by the scene in-front of her, Janet hollered for help. On the way to the hospital, Janet informed her parents the tragic news. When they arrived at the hospital, she was immediately taken away to the emergency unit leaving Janet to wait outside anxiously. As for her parents, as soon as they heard the horrific news, they canceled all their plans and flew back to their daughter.
Her parents rushed towards the reception and found out that their daughter was put into one of the elite rooms. They thanked them and went to see their daughter. Upon arriving at the designated room, they heard, “The time of death: 16th September, 2016, 13:00 pm.” Their heart stopped. They were shocked. They couldn’t believe their beloved daughter had left them earlier than she should have, earlier than them.
“Are you the guardians of this patient?” questioned one of the doctors.
“Yes, we are. What happened?”
“I’m terribly sorry to inform you that your daughter just passed away. We found out that she had overdosed herself by swallowing numerous amount of pills. We also found scars on her wrists; it seemed like she had been cutting herself for quite some time, and it also seemed like she has been starving herself too.”
“Pills? Scars? Starve?”
“Yes, when we examined her, we saw that she had anemia, and there was also a lack of vitamin and mineral deficiency. On top of that, she had lost a lot of blood and was seriously overdosed. We tried our best; we’re truly sorry for your loss.”
Her mom walked towards her and started to cry. “Why sweetie, why?”
Days later, the funeral was held. All her friends and teachers came to pay their gratitude. Everyone now know the truth about this perfect girl and started to repent all the things they had done to her. Her friends regretted using her. They felt guilty. Worst of all, her parents grieved over for not being able to fulfill her one and only desire. They finally realized that in return for wealth, they had lost their dearest daughter.
Everyone thought she was perfect just because she had all the luxury, the money, and the looks that anyone ever wanted. She spoke so eloquently that people fell for her guise. She smiled so happily that people viewed her as a much loved person. Yet, anyone hardly knew how broken she was for she cried her heart out every night and wished she was dead every morning. Her spirits were sinking yet everyone thought she was perfectly fine. In this noisy silence which she was trying her hardest to escape, she fell victim to the indifference the people around her posed. All she ever wanted in this cruel, ignorant society was simple: love and care from the people whom she gave her all.
Black and white. Joy and sorrow. Cold and hot. Just like these contrasts, she was loved except she wasn’t. She was summer on the outside except she was winter on the inside. This girl was alive yet dead. And her name was Summer.
A/N: Our second story is out. The topic we wrote about is sensitive, but we have always wanted to address this issue since depression is a serious matter in this society. We hope you got our message, and please enjoy.