the reality of having BPD:
getting attached: i'm getting too attached so its time to do everything in my power to fuck it up and then blame them for it so you can play the victim. you might also try to hurt yourself so the person you are attached you can give you attention. oops.
expressing emotions: jealousy and control shows we care. hate means we love you. love means we hate you. if u fail to be the person we idealize you to be then we will go through something that is called "imaginary abandonment" and leave you. if you give us the sympathy and compassion we need we will get bored and leave you or still feel like we don't deserve it so we will try everything to push you away, basically in any scenario positive emotions means detachment and negative emotions means self-hatred.
what it feels like to be triggered: my thinking gets distorted, every emotion i'm feeling has been intensified, i feel like everyone hates me, every little thing that is said to me and every thing that i experience will be felt negatively from this point on. i keep thinking to myself " why does this person not care about me? i have set high expectations and i need my needs to be met. why am i so toxic? what if i am too much for them to handle? hurt and fear are the only thing i feel right now. i'm a burden to everyone i need to die." then i completely shut down and feel empty. i don't care what happens to me so i do impulsive things to make myself feel something at the moment but i totally know i will regret this in an hour and completely hate myself for the things i've done.
favorite person: if your favorite person hasnt replied within 5 minutes ok they definitely hate you and found someone better, time to reread your texts 50 times to see what you did to annoy them. noticing the slightest difference in mood in your favorite person and thinking it's your fault and hating yourself when it actually has nothing to do with you. literally complain to everyone abt your fp and how they haven't replied to you and then leaving everyone and everything as soon as they reply because they are the only thing that matters. you also try to leave this person 10 times a week.
relationships: when you promise someone you wont hurt them and then you do it anyway just to see if they keep their promise to never leave you. you're either completely and obsessively in love with a person or you don't care at all abt them; there's no in between. you want everyone to be in love with you even if you don't care about them and if you do care about them then you will try to make them hate you. actually being happy and in love with someone and then cheating on them because your addicted to your own suffering and no one stays forever anyway so you might as well fuck it up before they fuck u up.
realization: you are a fucking mess and you hurt everyone around you and even if you try your hardest to be a good person your fear of abandonment and getting hurt will always overpower you. are any of the things i feel real? am i real?
you may reblog this if you dont have bpd so people can maybe gain knowledge on what it's actually like to have bpd instead of having that mental image of "mysterious, manipulative and intimidating" also not everyone with bpd might relate to this bc there are different subtypes and other things involved.
yousharknotpass
izzy806
titsay
janainaart
germansingergirl
