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vent blog (tw suicide, self harm, negative, etc,, like my posts if you read them)

[borderlinefushimi]

heeyehheeryehey

[aquahayley]

bpd problem #545

me: i’m so sad i want attention!!!! :(

*not my favorite person*: what’s wrong, wanna talk to me about it!!!1?

me: ……….anyways

[slimeandsensitive]

autism things rarely talked about

-intuition/6th senses

-uncertainty of gender

-intense emotions

-interest in writing/poetry/art

-intense passion/interest in social justice

-insomnia

-vertigo/motion sickness

-imaginary friends

-sense of superiority

-collecting things but not using them

-prolonged staring/eaves dropping

[borderlinefushimi]

me: "i haven't been feeling too good lately"

me thinking: oh god was that manipulative? i think that was manipulative. i'm baiting them into asking about my day oh god i'm so selfish

me: [makes post about being depressed]

me thinking: oh fuck that was manipulative wasn't it? i'm literally just fishing for pity now oh god i'm so self-absorbed i may as well just call people outright, screaming "SYMPATHIZE WITH ME" into their ears

me: [successfully conceals all traces of unhappiness, is an amiable and talkative person with all my friends]

me thinking: i hate my life so much. am i being selfish for being unhappy because i'm concealing my unhappiness?? AM I BEING MANIPULATIVE?? how did i get to be so conceited i want to die

[borderlinefushimi]

outfits,,

[borderlinefushimi]

hi im gay and i dint want these on my main [dont rb]

[borderlinefushimi]

me: *has a dissociative attack and starts to think im not real or alone in my head & freaks out more bc i cant tell* *is fine two seconds later and looks at porn*

[borderline-times]

welp haha shit every single one of the 'mild psychotic symptoms' bullet points on that post applied to me. umm. im sorta worried now. does this mean its probably gonna get worse? bc as much as my bpd tries to get me to want psychosis, it doesnt sound like very much fun

good news no it doesnt

with BPD full-blown psychosis usually only happens transiently and is triggered by stress, so you’re at risk for it when you’re exposed to stress but the possibility of developing it permanently or for no reason at all is very unlikely

a lot of people can have the mild symptoms consistently throughout their lives without it ever fully developing, some people have them when they’re young and then they go away as they get older, a lot of people have it coming and going. everyone’s different though, you may or may not get worse, either way i recommend trying to keep your chill on

and it can be fun, it can be terrifying, it can be who even cares, the main point is even if it does get worse you pretty much just adapt to it eventually and thats that

[butchsnakes-account]

tfw bpd

my identity is built off all my mental illnesses and disorders so the thought of recovery is very conflicting. these brainweird things are so integral to who i am that it’s scary to imagine myself better bc without them there’s just a void

[allmymetaphors]

I don’t know where the line is between being manipulative and just being expressive like… if I express my sadness am I guilting people? since I cry easily when I feel hurt, even if my hurt isn’t always valid, am I being emotionally abusive? I never know if I’m being alright when I try to change someone’s mind or like convince them to do something??? is it okay to try and convince someone to be more serious about you or like more committed to you or whatever? if you’re trying to explain how you feel to someone, but you’re sobbing and feeling miserable, is that guilting them? am I a bad person am I emotionally abusive or am I just Emotional idk!!! idk when I’m crossing the line and I feel like I’m gonna die

[neutroisenjolras-moved-deactiva]

do u ever start to do a thing that is Stereotypically Mentally Ill (i.e. rocking, crying n muttering and doing Weird movements) and u feel like u r Faking it to seem mentally ill. even tho its completely involuntary and u r alone so thers no one to fake to except urself

[ugly-bread]

Anxiety attacks aren’t always hyperventilating and rocking back and forth

Anxiety attacks can take different forms, such as:

Unpredictable bouts of rage or irritability

Nit-pickiness (obsessive behavior, which may be a part of OCD), and even a hypersensitivity to disarray, chaos, or any sort of change

Fast-talking, stuttering, stumbling over words

Not talking at all

Sitting rigid, staring into space, almost seeming “zoned out”

Understanding the way our or other’s anxiety works can help to decrease the stigma and help to calm a person faster and get them out of that state. These are just a few, but it gives an idea of the range in which attacks can come.

[borderlinefushimi]

i havent been on thiss for a while...follow me on vent @ cawtastrophe

[pine-tease]

PSA: Parents. Please do not emotionally manipulate your children.

They will grow up completely untrusting with a general sense of sadness and guilt.

Manipulation includes:

- “I just wish [something passive aggressive involving your child]”

- “You do whatever you want to do.” and then getting mad when they make the “wrong” choice

- Not believing them when they tell you something someone did or said to them, including their friends, your friends, family members, or even you

- Doing something shitty and then pretending you didn’t in hopes they’ll forget?

- Getting upset when they open up to you. About anything. Even if it’s something angering or disappointing. Don’t show them it’s dangerous or counterproductive to talk to you.

- Making them feel bad for the friends/significant others they choose, career path (or lack thereof), school choice (or lack thereof), gender/sexuality (or lack thereof) literally anything that either they didn’t choose or that they would be miserable without

- Do NOT EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES pressure them to talk to you about personal things.

- Kids do not owe their parents anything. They did not choose to be born. You chose to get pregnant/chose to carry to term/chose to raise a baby (even if you didn’t choose all of these things, you at least chose one) under the assumption that you would love this child no matter what.

[borderlinefushimi]

she thinks im abusing her lol

[borderlinefushimi]

welp i spilled all and told her about the possible bpd without saying i and im gonna have a therapist now

[borderlinefushimi]

SHW THINKS ITS BOTHERING HER SHE WANTS ME TO DTOP BC ITS AFFECTING HER VC MY FACE IS GETTING SCARRED UP SHES DCARING ME INT NOT STIMMING I GATE ER