another year, same ol' drama
well, for 10 years of this so called blog the only things being said are my gruesome whining about existence. to be honest couple years of therapy and "healthy way of life" might solve all the reasons for it. but it's hard and always be weak is easier. being 26 and 4 mounth is weird, especially when you feel like teen idle. all this grow-up stuff seems so surreal, office job not the hardest, but not when people don't recognize the effort and results. currently working not only 8-17 for 5 days, but almost evety evening from home, stay at office late, even on the weekends working from home. thought that haunts me most, it's the fact that i'm 26!! and achieve nothing. and have no hobbies, talents or even whillings to do anything/
neverending emptiness and pain, piercing thoughts of suicide are fighting insight and i'm scared. scared to leave mom alone in that world, scared of possibility of lost opportunities , scared to continue living "by the rules"/
so, the only thing left is exist under the same conditions///
