Azriel POV โ inspired by the song โI hate you, I love youโ by Gnash
He couldnโt sleep โ again. Maybe he should be used to it by now, but he wasnโt.
The shadows that curled around his shape were whispering unsettling words. They have always been a mixed thing, half controlled by his wills, half something else entirely. Sometimes, with much strenght and focus, he could make them go quiet, but now he didnโt have the strengh or the focus, his mind was swirling in a guilt and anguish spiral. To use the corrects words, he was feeling tormented by his last actions and choices.
He lost control โ again. Watching her with someone else was too much, just too much. Azriel Always gave the best of himself to respect her choises, as he should do, but it hurt so bad sometimes that he could only fly away and drown in his own feelings. Such terrible feelings.
Azriel hated her deeply. ย ย ย ย ย ย ย
Hated the way her hair glowed catching the sunlight on the early hours of morning or just before night time. Hated who her lips were so pink and full and how she had such a provocative way of saying things, like she had no fear of being wrong, like she could keep all the confidence avaible in Velaris all to herself. He hated how she would get what she wanted from him and, in the rare ocassions she didnโt, he hated how it would make him feel shitty.
Maybe more than everything, he hated how she looked at him, staring right at his dark, messed up soul, and it was like she knows, she has always known. But then she says nothing โ and he says nothing. Because the most stupid part inside of him wants to hold on, wants to keep the hope. Unworthy, one of his shadows whispered and Azriel didnโt denie, he felt unworthy everyday of his life, except with his brothers, except when she smiled at him.
An urge to shout came so strongly that he had to grab his mattress hard. He hated how he missed her, more when he couldnโt sleep and even more when something was wrong and, letโs face it, he was all wrong. Fuck. Do you miss me like I miss you? He wanted to ask her, but he thought he already knew the answer and, much like every other aspect of their relationshio, he would keep holding on doubt instead of facing the hard true. ย
Azriel rolled over, belly down, spreading his wings wider once and then adjusting them to protect his body on both sides. He was so tired of this feelings, this thoughts, this uncertainty. He didnโt feel tire of her though, he was never tired of her โ even when he should.
I miss you when I canโt sleep
Or right after coffee
Or right when I canโt eat
Do you miss me like I miss you?
Friends can break your heart too
And Iโm always tired but never of you
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