
if i look back, i am lost
$LAYYYTER
Sweet Seals For You, Always
🪼
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One Nice Bug Per Day
YOU ARE THE REASON

祝日 / Permanent Vacation

izzy's playlists!
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
todays bird
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
will byers stan first human second
d e v o n
noise dept.
Peter Solarz
Cosimo Galluzzi
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me

tannertan36

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@bornwithcourage
#selfharm #recovery
Trigger warning.
My scars look nuts in the sunlight.
Cancerous
The highs come and go
Like the waves ebb and flow
The lows always roll back in
And the pain feels so intoxicating
Your venom sinks in my veins
The callous disregard
You are always so vain
The only thing you care for
Is how things make you feel
I want to scream about your shit
But I smile through the hits
You used to be all that I needed
But you walked away from me
Left me here feeling empty
Beat me down the best you can
Because I always rise stronger
And if you want to get through this
You had better last longer
A sharp tongue and a big head
Will leave you all alone in the end
I am accustomed to my silent screams
The mask hides my true face
One of contempt and broken dreams
Getting over you
Cutting you out
Because like a cancer
I left you in my heart too long
And now all my hope is gone
INCREDIBLE PHOTO <3
link below to see:
http://sh-meet.bigpixel.cn/?from=groupmessage&isappinstalled=0&fbclid=IwAR1CWHqrxwZ1OUHem0CjjLrTBDH2j2cS4zISRo_2a6coC-A_YkFRr6QzMls
credit to: ketul
Zoomed in and found this gem
I think I found someone who knows about the camera
Hello there, observant person!
uh oh
i encourage you guys to click the link it’s hella rad
bonus:
special protected fire hydrant
Bucket
Hello darkness my old friend
damnnnnn
w h
cheese
when you’re trying to write and your last two functioning brain cells start yelling at each other
I feel like this is a call out post
; w;
This all sounds oddly familiar...
Darkness is forever.
The sun can shine brightly,
Yet each night it will set,
And there are always shadows,
Either in dancing within the sunlight,
Or caressing the world at night.
Forgotten
I feel forgotten
Like a small souvenir
From that vacation you took four years ago
Left on a shelf someplace
Not useful
Not missed
Insignificant.
A waste of money and effort
A small memory
That your REM sleep didn’t internalize .
I sit here aware
Of you and your actions
Reaching out
Calling out
But I am one who is forgotten
and cannot be felt.
So stand aside
And if you wanted
You could watch as I fall and burn
But I know you won’t
Until you notice a pile of ashes
And think to yourself
Of what could be missing?
Are you missing me
The same way I wake each morning
And miss you?
Probably not.
So I stand here breaking
Rotting
Falling apart
Holding onto the pieces
Burning alive
By the demons I try to show you
But I am alone in this storm.
No one seems to see this
And I cannot talk about it
So I am right here
Breath me in
Hold me and watch the ashes fall.
Maybe I will be okay
Now that this numbness has taken me
But my body and mind are all screaming
They want to be free.
I will survive this
Just another wound
Scarred into my body.
I am none of your concern.
The underrot
#
My mind is screaming again
So loudly it hurts my ears
I can’t seem to see the future
Or live for today
Because I am stuck in the past
I want to go back
I want to do things differently
But at every turn I live with this sinking regret
Why was I so foolish?
Why have I been so weak and blind?
I want to go back and change
But instead I live as a shell
Each and every damn day
Waiting for a light to shine at the end of this tunnel
The stress and the struggles I have
Are tearing me into pieces
When I was only held apart by threads
I pulled them closer and tighter
Trying to seem normal
But the stitches prove I am a tattered doll
An abominations of parts and thoughts
Thrown together to appear whole
When all I am is pieces
Hold me close and don’t let me go
Watch me fall
Watch me break
Watch me burn.
Under this smile,
I am rotting inside.
Spilled my heart out in a post I tried posting here, but tumblr lost it... a garbage day just got worse. Cool.
Let’s talk about it
Writing this to you
Even with no intentions to send it
Because letting out these frustrations
Is something my therapist recommended.
My conception bred your marriage
A bastard that bound you together
Another one followed
And I always knew she was the wanted one
I was the accident.
Growing up being loved by my grandmother
Raised and encouraged
Not beaten and discouraged
She helped me to read
She taught me about art
She fed me and clothed me
And held my hand through the dark,
And when she moved away
After she tried to end her pain
I was left alone.
You pushed me and my sister both aside
Chased me around the house
Beaten until I was bleeding
Smacked into walls
Screamed at and neglected me.
She was safe,
Because I would take the fall for her mistakes
I would starve so she could eat
And I had to teach her how to read.
I was a selfish, slutty, bitch
And should have been a miscarriage
You tried to send me away,
Foster care
Boarding school
Whatever you could.
We couldn’t go to school,
Couldn’t see doctors,
Or a dentist (thanks for that, now I need my jaw broken to fix what could have been avoided.)
At the age of 11,
I began to cut
The euphoria of serotonin giving me an escape
From 11 to 25
I’ve tried to end myself 12 separate times
Waking each morning in frustration.
I went to college
I performed music
Yet looking to the audience
None of that applause was from you.
First to get a degree in all the family
Never heard “I am proud of you.”
Went to university
And my hands got fucked up
I dropped out against my will
And you told me it was good it happened
Before I got too much debt I would never pay off.
Now as an adult
I am ignored.
You reuse to visit
Made me spend a holiday season alone
And now my sister
The one you actually love
Is getting married to someone
She has only known for 10 months
Helping to pay for the wedding
The traditional wedding
You offered a little
When I had my backyard wedding.
And now I know
That despite me not being able to have kids
That even if a miracle happened
And I had a child
You wouldn’t visit them either,
And as soon as my siblings had a child
Would you ever remember the name of mine?
Life is a disaster
Painful and cruel
And I try to act cold and distant
But that isn’t true.
I have a sensitive heart
And I am empathetic,
I try to be rude
But instead I only smile.
I build these walls
I have been building since birth
And they will continue to climb
Until my burial.
The screaming in my head
Cuts through the silence.
The horrors in my nightmares
And the impossibilities within my dreams
Promote the madness.
I struggle so hard
To move forwards each day,
But life is not kind
And this is not what I expected.
Metaphors and fantasies
The suffering and the euphoria,
Images of what I cannot have
Words of what I cannot be.
Looking towards the past
Held within it different futures,
Despite how much I sacrifice
I still cling to these selfish notions.
Blessed beyond measure
And yet I still whimper.
These memories are twisted things;
They remind us of our wounds,
They remind us of our dreams,
They remind us of all those things
We wanted and can no longer be,
They remind us we are weak,
They remind us of morality.
Many days and nights I wait
In the darkness
beside a light.
It should come soon
Given my families average lifespan,
Although I don’t care much for dying
I wish I could start this nightmare over.
Pick up these pieces and start again,
Maybe we can find
A better end.
Sands slip through our hands
I hate the sands of time
You wait for the future
And the sands slip right through
It burns your eyes
And you can’t see the present
Friends turn to strangers
Young goes to old
And as the sands of time
Continue on
My heart grows so cold
Behind each corner
A jackal waits to attack
The voice of a good friend
Turns into silent screams in your heart
Those that you love
Seem to drift apart
And those who were there
Cease to care
Is it me that breeds this outcome?
This inevitable fate?
My heart grows numb
And my soul starts to hate
The audacity of this world
To kick me down so low
And to grin as I try
To push myself up
All I need is a sign
A sign that you care
But I seem to wait
For the silence to break
And no matter how I try
You are not really here
Take this Life - In Flames
I have always love this song and it really describes how I have felt throughout the years. Plus it is a special song to me because it reminds me of when I first heard it and how I felt during that time. Glad I had a great friend who suggested it to me.
It's not so much the pain
It's more the actual knife
Pretending the picture is perfect
I cut myself to sleep
I close my eyes for a second
And curse my fragile soul
I scream to hide that I'm lonely
The echo calls my name
If I ever
If I never
Make me understand the thought whatever
Make me see
Make me be
Make me understand you're there for me
Take this life
I'm right here
Stay a while and breathe me in
Take this life
I'm right here
Stay a while and breathe me in
The rain drops just beg to hit me
What now hasn't rained for days
No time to play hide-and-seek
I call on you to take me on
Break me down to pieces
Put me back, do it right this time
Struggling to fill this empty shell
Burn all my efforts
In the end it means nothing
If I ever
If I never
Make me understand the thought whatever
Make me see
Make me be
Make me understand you're there for me
Take this life
I'm right here
Stay a while and breathe me in
Take this life
I'm right here
Stay a while and breathe me in
These thoughts burn a hole in my heart
These thoughts will keep me feeling
I remember when
I remember when we were young
Food for scarce
Enough for one
I would make a sandwich
Hand it to you
And you would ask me
What I was going to eat
You would offer me your sandwich
And I would say no
Because you were my little sister
And I could go through the hunger
I couldn’t put you through it
So I nibbled on scraps
Half a piece of bread
A stale flour tortilla
Whatever I could
To fight off my hunger
While making sure you
Had something to eat
I helped you to read
I took all the blame
For the mistakes when we were young
That you had made
The beatings and screaming
Wasn’t for you
I took it all
So you didn’t have to
I have always loved you
And yet I hear
That you and your friends
Call me a slut, a bitch, stupid, and selfish
I remember everything
When we were kids
But I have to wonder
What do you remember?
Neglected and abandoned
# Parents
Frustrated because you won’t see me
You won’t visit
No matter how much I ask
Sometimes I feel I am begging
You can’t afford it and you are too busy
But when I was in the hospital
You said you would come immediately
Different circumstances
And maybe an unfair comparison
But why can’t you do so now?
The black sheep of the family
From birth to burial
Never told of what is happening
Never knowing if you care
The words and abuse when I was young
now the disinterest when I’m grown
I make you proud sometimes you say
But never that you are proud of me
Do I make you proud
Because I have come so far
So it must mean you are raised me well?
Are my accomplishments important
Only because they boast your ego?
Is my dire fight for survival
And the fact I am still alive
Something you are aware of?
And if you are
Do you think less of me?
Are you happy I am alive simply because?
Or happy that you don’t have to tell
All of the family
That you abused your child
So deeply
That they couldn’t live with that pain anymore?
All the stones you threw, have only made me stronger. My broken bones have healed back denser, and despite how little you care, I won’t let you drag me down.
Relapsing and collapsing
#
They call it relapse
When you are finally well
The winds of change had changed you
But your old ways still hold you
So you think of the darkness
You embrace the concept
Of letting it take you again
But you are afraid
Because you were free for so long
Yet now
Now the thought of blood
Dappled in crimson beads
Across your wrist
And the thought
Of screaming at the world
For all it has done to you
Sounds appealing again
Resist, resist
You tell yourself in the dark
As your own mind decides
It is tired of fighting
Give in and let the waters take you
But you have to fight
Until you are dead
You have to fight