Born With Courage

Although life may or may not end as one might expect or want, the journey is always worth sharing. To share ones personal story takes courage... some of us acquire that courage and some of us are born with it.

[bornwithcourage]

[bornwithcourage]

#selfharm #recovery

Trigger warning.

My scars look nuts in the sunlight.

[bornwithcourage]

Cancerous

The highs come and go

Like the waves ebb and flow

The lows always roll back in

And the pain feels so intoxicating

Your venom sinks in my veins

The callous disregard

You are always so vain

The only thing you care for

Is how things make you feel

I want to scream about your shit

But I smile through the hits

You used to be all that I needed

But you walked away from me

Left me here feeling empty

Beat me down the best you can

Because I always rise stronger

And if you want to get through this

You had better last longer

A sharp tongue and a big head

Will leave you all alone in the end

I am accustomed to my silent screams

The mask hides my true face

One of contempt and broken dreams

Getting over you

Cutting you out

Because like a cancer

I left you in my heart too long

And now all my hope is gone

[bestviralposts]

INCREDIBLE PHOTO <3

link below to see:

http://sh-meet.bigpixel.cn/?from=groupmessage&isappinstalled=0&fbclid=IwAR1CWHqrxwZ1OUHem0CjjLrTBDH2j2cS4zISRo_2a6coC-A_YkFRr6QzMls

credit to: ketul

[warmwate-r]

Zoomed in and found this gem

[roseverdict]

I think I found someone who knows about the camera

Hello there, observant person!

[thyrell]

uh oh

[all-hail-mono-onion]

i encourage you guys to click the link it’s hella rad

bonus:

special protected fire hydrant

[shrimpathy-for-the-rogue]

Bucket

[tadpoledancer]

Hello darkness my old friend

[fuckyahumor]

damnnnnn 

[insomnyakat]

w h

[what-are-even-humans]

cheese

[awed-frog]

when you’re trying to write and your last two functioning brain cells start yelling at each other

[ningekoproductions]

I feel like this is a call out post

[seandunkley]

; w;

[bornwithcourage]

This all sounds oddly familiar...

[bornwithcourage]

Darkness is forever.

The sun can shine brightly,

Yet each night it will set,

And there are always shadows,

Either in dancing within the sunlight,

Or caressing the world at night.

[bornwithcourage]

Forgotten

I feel forgotten

Like a small souvenir

From that vacation you took four years ago

Left on a shelf someplace

Not useful

Not missed

Insignificant.

A waste of money and effort

A small memory

That your REM sleep didn’t internalize .

I sit here aware

Of you and your actions

Reaching out

Calling out

But I am one who is forgotten

and cannot be felt.

So stand aside

And if you wanted

You could watch as I fall and burn

But I know you won’t

Until you notice a pile of ashes

And think to yourself

Of what could be missing?

Are you missing me

The same way I wake each morning

And miss you?

Probably not.

So I stand here breaking

Rotting

Falling apart

Holding onto the pieces

Burning alive

By the demons I try to show you

But I am alone in this storm.

No one seems to see this

And I cannot talk about it

So I am right here

Breath me in

Hold me and watch the ashes fall.

Maybe I will be okay

Now that this numbness has taken me

But my body and mind are all screaming

They want to be free.

I will survive this

Just another wound

Scarred into my body.

I am none of your concern.

[bornwithcourage]

The underrot

#

My mind is screaming again

So loudly it hurts my ears

I can’t seem to see the future

Or live for today

Because I am stuck in the past

I want to go back

I want to do things differently

But at every turn I live with this sinking regret

Why was I so foolish?

Why have I been so weak and blind?

I want to go back and change

But instead I live as a shell

Each and every damn day

Waiting for a light to shine at the end of this tunnel

The stress and the struggles I have

Are tearing me into pieces

When I was only held apart by threads

I pulled them closer and tighter

Trying to seem normal

But the stitches prove I am a tattered doll

An abominations of parts and thoughts

Thrown together to appear whole

When all I am is pieces

Hold me close and don’t let me go

Watch me fall

Watch me break

Watch me burn.

Under this smile,

I am rotting inside.

[bornwithcourage]

Spilled my heart out in a post I tried posting here, but tumblr lost it... a garbage day just got worse. Cool.

[bornwithcourage]

Let’s talk about it

Writing this to you

Even with no intentions to send it

Because letting out these frustrations

Is something my therapist recommended.

My conception bred your marriage

A bastard that bound you together

Another one followed

And I always knew she was the wanted one

I was the accident.

Growing up being loved by my grandmother

Raised and encouraged

Not beaten and discouraged

She helped me to read

She taught me about art

She fed me and clothed me

And held my hand through the dark,

And when she moved away

After she tried to end her pain

I was left alone.

You pushed me and my sister both aside

Chased me around the house

Beaten until I was bleeding

Smacked into walls

Screamed at and neglected me.

She was safe,

Because I would take the fall for her mistakes

I would starve so she could eat

And I had to teach her how to read.

I was a selfish, slutty, bitch

And should have been a miscarriage

You tried to send me away,

Foster care

Boarding school

Whatever you could.

We couldn’t go to school,

Couldn’t see doctors,

Or a dentist (thanks for that, now I need my jaw broken to fix what could have been avoided.)

At the age of 11,

I began to cut

The euphoria of serotonin giving me an escape

From 11 to 25

I’ve tried to end myself 12 separate times

Waking each morning in frustration.

I went to college

I performed music

Yet looking to the audience

None of that applause was from you.

First to get a degree in all the family

Never heard “I am proud of you.”

Went to university

And my hands got fucked up

I dropped out against my will

And you told me it was good it happened

Before I got too much debt I would never pay off.

Now as an adult

I am ignored.

You reuse to visit

Made me spend a holiday season alone

And now my sister

The one you actually love

Is getting married to someone

She has only known for 10 months

Helping to pay for the wedding

The traditional wedding

You offered a little

When I had my backyard wedding.

And now I know

That despite me not being able to have kids

That even if a miracle happened

And I had a child

You wouldn’t visit them either,

And as soon as my siblings had a child

Would you ever remember the name of mine?

Life is a disaster

Painful and cruel

And I try to act cold and distant

But that isn’t true.

I have a sensitive heart

And I am empathetic,

I try to be rude

But instead I only smile.

I build these walls

I have been building since birth

And they will continue to climb

Until my burial.

[bornwithcourage]

The screaming in my head

Cuts through the silence.

The horrors in my nightmares

And the impossibilities within my dreams

Promote the madness.

I struggle so hard

To move forwards each day,

But life is not kind

And this is not what I expected.

Metaphors and fantasies

The suffering and the euphoria,

Images of what I cannot have

Words of what I cannot be.

Looking towards the past

Held within it different futures,

Despite how much I sacrifice

I still cling to these selfish notions.

Blessed beyond measure

And yet I still whimper.

These memories are twisted things;

They remind us of our wounds,

They remind us of our dreams,

They remind us of all those things

We wanted and can no longer be,

They remind us we are weak,

They remind us of morality.

Many days and nights I wait

In the darkness

beside a light.

It should come soon

Given my families average lifespan,

Although I don’t care much for dying

I wish I could start this nightmare over.

Pick up these pieces and start again,

Maybe we can find

A better end.

[bornwithcourage]

Sands slip through our hands

I hate the sands of time

You wait for the future

And the sands slip right through

It burns your eyes

And you can’t see the present

Friends turn to strangers

Young goes to old

And as the sands of time

Continue on

My heart grows so cold

Behind each corner

A jackal waits to attack

The voice of a good friend

Turns into silent screams in your heart

Those that you love

Seem to drift apart

And those who were there

Cease to care

Is it me that breeds this outcome?

This inevitable fate?

My heart grows numb

And my soul starts to hate

The audacity of this world

To kick me down so low

And to grin as I try

To push myself up

All I need is a sign

A sign that you care

But I seem to wait

For the silence to break

And no matter how I try

You are not really here

[bornwithcourage]

Take this Life - In Flames

I have always love this song and it really describes how I have felt throughout the years. Plus it is a special song to me because it reminds me of when I first heard it and how I felt during that time. Glad I had a great friend who suggested it to me.

It's not so much the pain

It's more the actual knife

Pretending the picture is perfect

I cut myself to sleep

I close my eyes for a second

And curse my fragile soul

I scream to hide that I'm lonely

The echo calls my name

If I ever

If I never

Make me understand the thought whatever

Make me see

Make me be

Make me understand you're there for me

Take this life

I'm right here

Stay a while and breathe me in

Take this life

I'm right here

Stay a while and breathe me in

The rain drops just beg to hit me

What now hasn't rained for days

No time to play hide-and-seek

I call on you to take me on

Break me down to pieces

Put me back, do it right this time

Struggling to fill this empty shell

Burn all my efforts

In the end it means nothing

If I ever

If I never

Make me understand the thought whatever

Make me see

Make me be

Make me understand you're there for me

Take this life

I'm right here

Stay a while and breathe me in

Take this life

I'm right here

Stay a while and breathe me in

These thoughts burn a hole in my heart

These thoughts will keep me feeling

[bornwithcourage]

I remember when

I remember when we were young

Food for scarce

Enough for one

I would make a sandwich

Hand it to you

And you would ask me

What I was going to eat

You would offer me your sandwich

And I would say no

Because you were my little sister

And I could go through the hunger

I couldn’t put you through it

So I nibbled on scraps

Half a piece of bread

A stale flour tortilla

Whatever I could

To fight off my hunger

While making sure you

Had something to eat

I helped you to read

I took all the blame

For the mistakes when we were young

That you had made

The beatings and screaming

Wasn’t for you

I took it all

So you didn’t have to

I have always loved you

And yet I hear

That you and your friends

Call me a slut, a bitch, stupid, and selfish

I remember everything

When we were kids

But I have to wonder

What do you remember?

[bornwithcourage]

Neglected and abandoned

# Parents

Frustrated because you won’t see me

You won’t visit

No matter how much I ask

Sometimes I feel I am begging

You can’t afford it and you are too busy

But when I was in the hospital

You said you would come immediately

Different circumstances

And maybe an unfair comparison

But why can’t you do so now?

The black sheep of the family

From birth to burial

Never told of what is happening

Never knowing if you care

The words and abuse when I was young

now the disinterest when I’m grown

I make you proud sometimes you say

But never that you are proud of me

Do I make you proud

Because I have come so far

So it must mean you are raised me well?

Are my accomplishments important

Only because they boast your ego?

Is my dire fight for survival

And the fact I am still alive

Something you are aware of?

And if you are

Do you think less of me?

Are you happy I am alive simply because?

Or happy that you don’t have to tell

All of the family

That you abused your child

So deeply

That they couldn’t live with that pain anymore?

All the stones you threw, have only made me stronger. My broken bones have healed back denser, and despite how little you care, I won’t let you drag me down.

[bornwithcourage]

Relapsing and collapsing

#

They call it relapse

When you are finally well

The winds of change had changed you

But your old ways still hold you

So you think of the darkness

You embrace the concept

Of letting it take you again

But you are afraid

Because you were free for so long

Yet now

Now the thought of blood

Dappled in crimson beads

Across your wrist

And the thought

Of screaming at the world

For all it has done to you

Sounds appealing again

Resist, resist

You tell yourself in the dark

As your own mind decides

It is tired of fighting

Give in and let the waters take you

But you have to fight

Until you are dead

You have to fight

[dirty--chai]