It's Still Canon Trust Me

A totally accurate recount of our favorite fox boy's son and all of his adventures

[borutobutitscanon]

Road work ahead? Uh, yeah, I sure hope it does.

Uzumaki Boruto

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Sarada: Why are you always standing so close to Boruto?

Mitsuki: I have to get the D

Sarada: !!?!??!?!?!?

Mitsuki: Vitamin D

Sarada: holy shit mitsuki we need to work on your social skills

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Boruto: And we still don't know who's behind this dark chakra thing!

Kakashi, looking at the sky: Obito I swear to fuck if this is you again-

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Shin: We're doing this to follow Uchiha Itachi's plan!

Sakura: *bursts out laughing*

Sakura: You do know he was a pacifist who's ultimate motivations were to protect Sasuke and Konoha, right?

Shin:

Shin: Fuck

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Shikadai, feeding the deer: Dad I think I hear something

Shikamaru: Probably just the wind

Hidan, buried deep underneath them: IM STILL ALIVE DOWN HERE YOU BASTARDS SOMEONE FUCKING GET ME OUT

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Don't worry. I'm sure it'll all be fine and go without a single problem.

Naruto to Shikamaru about the upcoming Chunin Exams

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Boruto: and you better be there for Himawari's birthday! Promise me that!

Naruto: I promise

Naruto, internally: doesn't he know that kawarimi is a jutsu not a person geez I need to talk to Shino about Academy standards

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Sasuke, seeing Sarada: What's this? A young girl with dark hair and a sharingan who's looking at me in awe and wonder and is about the same age my daughter would be?

Sasuke: She's also wearing clothes that remind me of what Sakura wore when we were younger

Sasuke: Hmmm...probably an enemy

Sasuke: Better kill it and also I wonder how my daughter Salad is doing

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Naruto: Y'know, since there was so much going on, I never really had time to complete the chunin exams, so I'm still technically a genin

Iwabe: Really?!

Naruto: Yeah I was too busy bEATING A B I J U TO GET A PROMOTION DURING MY CHUNIN EXAMS

Kakashi, far far away: I sense bitterness and strangely I don't think it's from Sasuke

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Sarada: *tries to lie down but glasses poke her in the face*

Sarada: *tries to drink tea but glasses fog*

Sarada: *rains and her glasses are covered in raindrops*

Sarada: *tries to clean her glasses but it's useless because they will Never be Clean*

Sarada: so you said papa just had to murder his brother and take his sharingan to get his vision back right? does it have to be your brother or can it just be any Uchiha?

[borutobutitscanon]

You're funny, keep it up. :D

Thanks! We’ll try <3

[borutobutitscanon]

Shikamaru: You need to get someone fair to be a proctor for the Academy graduation exam. Someone who will test fairly and understand they aren’t even genin, so will go easy on them.

Naruto: Kakashi.

Shikamaru: ...

Shikamaru: were you even listening??

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Sukea: So Boruto what do you want to do with the rest of your life

Boruto: uhhhh idk im twelve

Sukea: boo hoo i was already thoroughly traumatized at your age and had PTSD get your shit together

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Boruto: what was my dad like as a kid?

Kakashi: uhh he was a naked woman sometimes

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Shikamaru: okay now we're alone now tell me the truth

Shikamaru: was the real reason that you failed boruto because you don't want him to be a chunin before you?

Naruto: I'm the hokage, Shikamaru, don't be silly

Shikamaru: ...

Naruto: ...

Shikamaru: ...

Naruto: LISTEN I SAVED THE WORLD BUT I COULDN'T GET A DAMN FIELD PROMOTION???

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Naruto, to Sarada and Chocho: I was totally top of my class at the academy

Kakashi: *sneezes*

Kakashi: sorry i'm allergic to bullshit

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Boruto: My dad's literally the worst.

Sarada: My dad left the village as a genin to join an S-rank missing-nin and sannin on a quest for power.

Sarada: My dad killed his brother to avenge our clan and, upon finding out he was innocent, decided to go against my uncle's dying wish and vowed to destroy the village, the second thing my uncle cherished most in this world.

Sarada: My dad joined a group of terrorists who were systematically hunting down junchuriki to gain their power so they could rule the world.

Sarada: My dad fought our current Hokage multiple times to the point where they blew off each other's arms.

Sarada: My dad tried to kill my mother multiple times, as well as other Konoha-nin.

Sarada: My dad wanted to murder all of the kage of his time to unite the world as it's one sole enemy.

Sarada: My dad-