Hi, everyone. It really has been a little while since I last posted here, so I just wanted to share some thoughts.
Sharing my art here on tumblr has been such a thrilling experience for me - I never could have anticipated the response my art would have received. People would leave really, truly lovely tags on my art, and I still return to those kind words today.
I have always been incredibly insecure as an artist. When I first started sharing my work here, I wasn't entirely sure why I was doing so. I have always been an artist, and always been known as one, but that was kind of just it in a way. I still didn't entirely know what instilled a need to create inside of me, and I've always felt a desire to share my art with the world, but I never quite had a distinct voice. I can certainly see that in the pieces I have shared here - a slew of different styles, different subjects... I was slowly working my way into myself; why am I known as an artist? Why do I create?
I eventually reached a breaking point. I realised that a lot of my art was being shared simply for the validation (on balance, there's nothing entirely wrong with this motivation, but it was sitting poorly with me personally), and such work was created in a rush because I needed to share it to obsessively acknowledge something, to feel part of something; a character's birthday, or the release of an anime episode (again, nothing wrong with this, but it was a mechanical and over-ambitious process for me that contributed to my burnout). Similarly, I had a habit of counteracting this with sharing some pieces that were far more impulsive - half with the intention of deleting them the next day before realising such raw pieces had actually resonated with people. Sharing my art, although highly rewarding, quickly became a perfectionistic process for me where I would spend my time evaluating what to create next, without allowing the river to gently carry me there. I realised I was inherently much more concerned with the final result of my work, and the process had become one that instilled within me a sense of anxiety and insecurity. I have never been the most adept artist, and my art has never been the tidiest, so I realised it was time to stop attempting to be something that I'm not. I had specific, personal aspirations when I made this blog all those years ago, and the weight of having quickly deviated from such has preyed on my mind in such a way I knew that the best course of action was to come to a halt with it all, before I lost sight of myself even more.
I haven't shared my art anywhere for over a year now, and in that time I have really seen myself blossom with a much greater appreciation for my own craft as a result. In this era of artificially generated slop and drivel, I wanted to pull myself away and take pride in what I am capable of creating within my own mind and within my own hands, without anxiously rushing or feeling untrue to myself. It has been really nice, and it finally feels like quietly calling myself an 'artist' doesn't instil a sense of fraudulence in me. So, I suppose such is the message of this ramble. Creating art is more important now than it ever has been, but it is so important to not lose sight of yourself amidst it all. I don't know if I'll share my art in this space again, but if I do, it will be fully on my own terms. I really do want to thank everyone who has supported my art and who continue to do so - such kind words have truly encouraged me through times of deep insecurity, and even though I work privately and quietly these days, the support I have received has truly stuck with me and will do so forever. Perhaps I will see you around again, but for now, I will keep on drawing, and I hope my words help anyone else who may feel such a similar way in what is currently a highly upsetting and discouraging time for artists. Please keep making your art; please keep drawing on scraps of paper until they tear, please keep tumbling ideas over in your head, please keep chattering with your friends about your characters, please take your soul and nurture it - don't just give it away. It is all so unbelievably important - more than ever.
-Sea
