Butler's Babble @bpbutler - Tumblr Blog

An Endless Maze

Right turn here, left there. Lost in the endless maze we call life, every turn matters. Only one way out; one way to success in life. But in order to succeed we must first overcome the obstacles that stand in our way. No one goes into a maze knowing the right path to take to get out. Nor do we go through life with a set future. Our decisions are what influence our lives and affect what we will become.

Like a maze, we enter at the beginning. Almost immediately, we are faced with a challenge. In our case, learning how to walk, or ride a bicycle without training wheels for the first time. As we move through life, however, the challenges become more difficult. One wrong turn and we can be wandering endlessly in the wrong direction until finally we hit a dead end, just like making poor decisions in life can lead you to rock bottom. And getting back on track is just as hard. Finding our way back through the mess you have made can be a frustrating and will sometimes lead to yet another dead end. Did I go right here or left? How long did I follow this path? It is easy to slip right back into the same pattern of failure once we begin. Refusing help or aid, we get ourselves lost in an unfamiliar world, yet we somehow make it through.

Eventually, when we think all hope is lost, the path begins to clear. Able to get a glimpse of the way out, a new attitude sets in. Through our hard work and dedication, the pattern emerges, that path we must follow; and soon the smell of victory permeates the air.

Finally reaching the exit we are ecstatic. We have found your way through life and figured out our calling. No more confusion clouding our way. There will still be obstacles, bumps in the road on the drive home, but they are manageable. Now that the directions are known, the way home is clear.

We all go through life wondering what we will become. Stressing ourselves out and worrying that the dead ends will never go away. But soon the path will be clear, soon our decisions will pay off and turn in a positive direction, and we will find our calling in life. After all, everyone makes it out of the maze eventually.

I am a Shadow

I am a shadow.

Deep. Dark. Mysterious. This is a way of life. One lived in the background of the people around me. I am a shadow. I observe, I think, I analyze. Striving to find an identity in this world. A purpose. A place to fit in. A year ago, studying AP Biology, I came across a quote by Nicholas Mosley: “The mark of a living thing is to be involved in opposites (impossibilities): the living cell that has to be continually adapting itself to stay alive, with its identity.” To say that I know not of who I am would be false, I am Brandon Butler, however, what I am is always changing.

A shadow changes with every step. With every tick of the clock and movement of the sun, a shadow will change. Some are long, some are short, some move with the wind. To be a shadow is not to be imaginary. Nor does it mean that I am alone in this world without friendship or human interaction. I do have friends. I am social. I know who I am and I know that I exist. But no one can know exactly what they are to be. Sure, I want to be a Biomedical Engineer. I want to have a family and live a happy life. But that life is still to come. For now all I can do is watch. Observe the world and try to make sense of it. For what makes sense today may change tomorrow. What is up today may be down in weeks to come. On the surface I appear fine. I resemble an image of how the world perceives me. But beneath it I am mysterious.

Like a fly on the wall, I observe. I do not hesitate to say that I occasionally eavesdrop on the conversations of my peers. It is not a curse, but a gift. A way of learning more about the world that I cannot always take a part of: for it is impossible to be in two places at once. The information I collect is purely for knowledge. I am not biased, I will not judge. Though sometimes I might have an opinion, I respect the opinions of others. I have an open mind. I accept all ways of life and am eager to learn of new ones. How can we learn who we are without first learning of what we can be?

When people see me, when they describe me, they know of a kind and generous man who is always smiling and willing to help. While this is true, it is only but a fraction of who I am. Though I might seem like an open person, I am reluctant to let down my walls. It is not a matter of self-consciousness, but of trust. How do you let someone know who you are if they are not true to you? High school is all about image. People want to be known for something instead of wanting to be known for themselves. Instead of being the jock, or brainiac, or prom-king, I want people to know me for who I am. The person that I am true to. The person I have become. Maybe I do not know what I am now. Maybe I lack an identity that is clearly seen. But life is not written in stone. Who we are now does not determine what we will become. My stepsister, Leah, entered college with a major in medical sciences. She is now a fashion design graduate with an upcoming line. My future may be clouded, but I am not a nobody. I am Brandon Butler. Continually adapting myself to stay alive, changing with the world around me. I am a shadow.