@bpd-hime - Tumblr Blog

Sometimes you just gotta change ur pfp and phone Lock Screen and then you feel better

IF YOU DONT FUCKING LIKE ME THEN GO AWAY STOP LEADING ME ON I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE IVE GROWN SO BITTER I DONT EVEN KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE

Yass everyone in my life used me and it will always be like that slay

Me swinging rapidly between Ana binging and mia bc I’m too poor to afford food so when I get access to food I eat it all

#tw ed

A week of starving myself down the fucking drain from one binge that bloated me back to my size last Monday :/

Something about me having a dream that I was trying to move out of my moms house (I don’t live there irl) nicely but she threw a fit and we got into a physical fight and she kicked me out without my stuff and then I wake up to find out she’s been spending the last week non stop partying with millionaires in Vegas when I asked her for money a week ago for therapy and groceries and she made a big deal about it saying she didn’t want me to get too comfortable (Im borderline no contact) and so I’ve spent the last week starving myself so I can make my food last just a little longer until school is back. Literally I am not rich my parents aren’t rich (at least they weren’t when I moved out) I grew up very poor (like flea and rat infest hoarder house THAT SHE PUT ME IN) and now my mom clearly has the money and is just going to let me starve so she can got party in fucking LAS VEGAS when I just want money for therapy that I need BECAUSE OF HER.

Im so crazy my roommate doing the dishes makes me want to relapse bc I think she’s mad at me for not doing them and gives me like an overwhelming sense of guilt but honestly maybe one or two dishes in there are mine

its really taking every ounce of control in my being to not have a public meltdown in front of everyone i know

Boutta scare away the porn bots with my sick and twisted mind

I want to relapse so fucking bad but I’ve been clean for more than a year but I’m so fucking angry and I don’t know what to do about it

7l7l7l7l7l7l7l7

nobody is coming to save you. get up

7l7l7l7l7l7l7l7

nobody is coming to save you. get up

7l7l7l7l7l7l7l7

nobody is coming to save you. get up

I think I just need to start relapsing again it was an outlet that didn’t involve anyone else and immediately calmed me down

It’s just really funny how emotions I have no control over feeling are considered abusive or toxic traits regardless of the fact I don’t let them impact my relationship and I don’t act out on them ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#it makes me feel like shit #I have anger problems and I can be incredibly paranoid and distrusting #I’m jealous often and can be incredibly needy #I want to be honest w my partner when I feel these things instead of bottling them up #I don’t act out I don’t scream at her I don’t make her stay home or keep her away from her friends #I usually take it out on myself but I know that that’s hard to be around #I just don’t know what to do I feel so abusive all the time so I just go straight into self isolation bc I don’t want to hurt her #bpd

I just can’t believe that I spent my whole life being abused and I finally met someone who clearly loves me but she can’t fuxking say it I think it’s even worse atleast I knew how they felt before. But it feels like she’s always dangling happiness infront of my face and then making me feel like shit for wanting it in the first place god I hate her I’ve never felt so much hate in my heart

I’ve never been happy in y fucking life why are you doing this to me you’re making it so much worse I wish I never met you

I just feel so unloved right now. I don’t know what I have to do to be good enough for you what is so wrong with me that you can hold me and touch me but not love me why do you do this to me you’re making it worse I hurt so bad

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