I found this drafted entry as I was cleaning my drive.
It’s been exactly ten days since I turned 20. And really, I have no idea where I’m getting my spare time to write this. For the past few years of post-birthday posts all I did was thank everyone and everything, say sorry, and make up self-made life quotes out of some really significant happening during that year.
This 2016, on my 20th, I want something a tiny bit different.
I want to make 20 resolutions from different realizations, that who knows, may help someone who is both as scared and as excited as I am to turn two decades old.
Remove toxic people in your life. If you’ve done your part and still to no avail, let go. It will only hurt the longer you hang on to them.
Prioritize. A lot of things will be happening in your life and you know what it’s fine to say no to some of those and say yes to a few. May darating pa.
Show up. When you commit, live up to it.
Dont be late. Stop wasting your time, but most importantly others’.
I never got to finishing this list. A reminder that life is probably taking way too fast than I can imagine. A bit overwhelming when I suddenly realize the next ten years from now on will make or break the rest of my life. Or so how most put it.
I’m turning 21 in about three months, I’ll be on my first day of work in five days, and for sure I have another due client work in the next 12 hours. At the moment, there’s a whole lot of changes but I’m glad they’re all changes I see myself growing in and learning from. I wasnt forced into any of those aforementioned commitments.
Anyway, I just didnt want the effort to write the four bullets put to waste. But at the same time be a reminder that HAVING NO TIME OR HAVING NO ENERGY IS NEVER SUPPOSED TO BE AN EXCUSE.
“How we spend our day, is, after all, how we spend our lives” - Annie Dilliard
I honestly wasn’t sure how to feel after Bidyofest. It felt odd because 1. I was hurt and 2. I didn’t want to sound bitter nor a sore loser.
Badmouthing others was not an option simply because EVERYTHING was well-deserved.
So much has happened in putting Pahimakas into reality. This film was our brain child, our love child, our investment not to mention. Just like everyone else, we spent a lot, we worked our asses off, and we sacrificed so much; time, things, and even people.
We’ve come across some pretty interesting situations that tested not just our teamwork but as well as our friendship. Much like how other productions did. And maybe that what made it painful, because just like everyone else, we also did our best. We also lost and gained so much. We also laughed a lot and cried a lot, and yet there we were - standing in front of a crowd with a piece of paper barely justifying the kind of effort Optics has done in the two months of producing of the film.
But you know what, it was that same painful jolt in the stomach which made me realize that someone may have done her best, her 101% but that doesn’t automatically grant her merits. There will be others doing 101% too, just as hopeful and just as cunning as you are in whatever pursuit that is.
Life’s unfair, it’s going to suck every once in a while but we’re gonna have to learn to live by it. To love it.
This loss taught me to look beyond the merits and focus more on things that turned this film, as I claim it to be, beautiful. To focus on the good stuff, to look back at the small triumphs we may have overlooked searching for far greater rewards when we were already given a pat in the back for something we did well.
I know it sounds like I’m sourgraping to some extent, but I’m not. I’d like to think it’s a human reaction, you know? To join a competition, you aim to win, not for mediocrity. And if you end up with the latter it just makes sense to feel bad. You didn’t get what you came for at all.
But in my case, I did get what I came for. Just not what I thought I’d end up having anyway. Tiny victories and the grandest experiences I’d say.
To you Optics, for your passion and your sacrifices.
KOREA 2016 through my phone lens. I mostly took landscapes and wide shots on my phone. I had my 35mm on my Canon which only suited portraits at most. These came out well enough for me though.
Just when I thought 2016 couldn’t get any better my grandmother gave us sudden news that we’ll be going to Korea. Other than our slight frantic state during visa processing all was well before the trip.
Ever since the approval of our visa all I did was search for Youtube lookbooks and how-to’s of layering. I had zero idea of the art and science behind layering. Anyway ended up being clothed properly, though I did feel slightly judged by some locals with my choice of mix n’ match.
But I have to mention that I meant to not layer too much specially after day one. I wanted to make the most of the cold climate because I’m once I’m back in Manila, no doubt I’ll be sweating like hell again. Haha!
The places, people, food, and the culture’s just beautiful! And since this was a tour package, I’d really want to go back and explore the streets and cities on my own. At least a week alone or with my sister and friends would be lovely!
Yes, here I am again, attempting to break my curse with goals and resolutions every new year.
2016 was tough. It was by far the most challenging but most rewarding year. But then again that may just be me every year since I, excuse my term, became a woman. Ever since I entered that door of “adulthood” every single year that passed seemed so challenging. I like to think that’s just me getting closer and closer to the reality of independence and daring life changing choices *cringes*.
I am scared. Literally. But I’d like to put off that mentality by creating this post.
I’ve listed so much goals and resolutions but all in all I just really wish for three things that may help my trajectory of HAPPINESS:
Growth
Good health
Contentment and positivity
Then I just have sub categories for each.
Growth
I want to continue exploring myself and everything else around me. There’s always something new and what other way to find those by actually moving out and about, by challenging myself. I want to be braver and more disciplined to help myself grow.
Write more [blog entries]: It helps me vent, let go, and sometimes even develop ideas. But I do not want to commit to blog posting because most of the time I prefer literally writing down my thoughts. I am more honest and bold when I do. But I’d still want to discipline myself to continue sharing pieces of my life online. In hopes of helping out someone going through the same thing or having the same thoughts.
Produce more films (1min/wk and 12 Film Projects): I have to practice my storytelling. I need to get over my anxiety and frustrations and just go do it...with process and precise storytelling. I need to be more meticulous in pre, during, and post production. Nothing was rushed and turned out exceptionally beautiful. It takes work!
Take more photos. To not just take photos for freelance. I’ll attempt to bring my camera everywhere I go. Film (AE-1) or Digital (T3i), would be my choices. But I need to continue documenting my life because I want to and not just because I was paid.
Learn After Effects and Illustrator. A must ever since I started considering to have a career in creatives. Focusing my specialty to online-digital design, I think it’s important for me to continually channel my ideas onto canvass (which is usually screen btw).
Attend workshops and seminars. For sure I have the internet but nothing beats learning from experience and hearing the mentor right in front of you discuss something you’re very eager to learn. It’s far more effective. Get to know from the best, yes?
Watch more films (100 Movies In A Year) and read more books (50 Books In A Year). I have a bunch of unread and unwatched films. Both good and bad. But no matter the quality each material could still contribute to wisdom, knowledge, and idea generation. In other words it’s ~`iMagInation~` training. Haha!
Learn Korean and keep learning French. Learning another language is such a challenge but that’s why it is also such an advantage. By the end of 2017 I want consider myself multilingual (intermediate level for both Korean and French).
Learn to drive. In my family, I’m pretty sure it’s become a necessity, not to mention a big help.
Save up. I’m doing the 52-week Money Challenge. Which is kind of like a boost actually.
Travel (to 12 different places). Just somewhere new and not somewhere you’d usually end up in. Save and then travel. Let’s do that
Good Health
I’ve been trying to get back since 2013 but I’ve flopped a good couple of times. But this time, (all thanks to WFKBJ), a beast and a far more true and honest motivation came: HAPPINESS. I want to be in good health to feel bold and true happiness. The kind that does not hold me back because of my physicality and insecurities.
Lose weight: I have over 109lbs to lose and hopefully I can do it all within 14 months.
Exercise and eat healthy: Big lifestyle change right here. But would I rather get up at 5:00 am and miss my bed OR have heart problems and regret it for the rest of my life.
A+ skincare and hy: I need to stop dozing off my skin and stop denying that I do have allergies. I have to be more conscious and be more “clean” to avoid damage.
Contentment and Positivity
I want my life to revolve around love without regrets. Do without regrets. And pursue, pursue, pursue! Let 2017 be the start of accepting failures and turning not so good experiences into wisdom. I have to get over my anxieties with my goals and dreams. Will not let my fear stop me from dreaming big and tiring myself for that dream.
Doing what I love and loving what I do.
Prosper and strengthen relationships.
Love myself.
Live up to my decisions. And adore every single one.
No more regretting.
Work ethics must remain golden.
I do not want a single notion of negativity in my system. Problems come but they also go. No form of bad energy can tear me down and that’s because I have my mind set on doing things out of love and contentment.
To 2017 and the exciting life of independence. To dreaming big and creating more. To traveling and loving more.
I felt lost and unimportant for some time but I found my way back to the same people. It was tough and realizing it were against people who’d usually be with me was tougher.
It was a mix of emotions. Anger, jealousy, regret, disappointment. But circumstances lead me back to them. With a stronger friendship, better understanding, and a whole new level of trust and love.
I never say “I love you” or “Mahal kita” to anybody. I never throw it around. I value it, just as how people I’ve said it to matter to me.
My folks would tell me that college friends dont last. Because you have such separate ideologies and priorities and honestly, for a long amount of time that’s what I believed. But with these group of people turning my every days better, our typical lunch dates into memorable ones, I just debunked the claim. #mythbuster
You dont expect friends to cradle you every time your down. They’re supposed to make you better, batter you would love and reality all at the same time. Friendship takes work just like any other relationship.
It’s not their job to make you feel good, that’s your own. You are your own lookout. But what they can do is remind you, support you, and love you. And you know, they cant do it by themselves. You got to give your own fair share of [self] love.
It was the quietest and most serene resort I’ve been to. There were so few guests that I am actually familiar with the face of almost every one. Reasons for such a low guest count is probably because 1. it’s a private resort of a certain executive village 2. it’s deep deep deeeeep in Batangas 3. it’s literally a dead zone. No signal, no nothing. The only connection outside is through their office which ironically has the fastest internet ever.
The staff was extremely accommodating and went beyond their duties when my dad expressed his need of double A batteries. They immediately someone to town to buy a fresh pack and handed it to dad later that day with the brightest smile.
The sand that’ll meet your feet arent the friendliest things by being such sharp, big chunks. But that’s a good sign that the sea’s state wasnt altered, all was kept at natural that’s why only when you’re hip-deep you can already see tiny fish accommodating you.
The most fun thing about swimming through were the SUDDEN DROPS. You see the ocean floor there is literally covered with corals and rocks, so your feet basically has nowhere else to step on to. That’s why even though you’re quite far from shore it doesn’t seem like it because you can still elevate yourself. BUT you can get comfortable because there are certain “bald spots” of corals and rocks which when you find yourself in, makes the sea level rise a meter or more. It was exciting but a freaking crazy feeling.
You know the “dont touch the butt” scene in Finding Nemo? Where the boat is beyond this cliff from where Nemo’s school were? Think of that only in a smaller scale, that’s what I mean by sudden drops.
I saw more fish here than in Boracay! Not to mention how intimate the encounters were. There were no charges for me to explore the set of rocks found at the other end of the shore.
During the second night we were there I decided to go lie down the shoreline. It was one of the most beautiful moments I’ve had. As my back was resting on the sand a blanket of stars were crowding the sky. Ugh, I can’t tell you how glad I was I did that despite my parents telling me not to. They were paranoid of me being taken over by the current (yow parents, I’m not even light enough for that to happen).
It was the best stay I had in a beach. It’ll be such a treat to have my friends with me next time I visit. It almost felt like a retreat in those three days and two nights.
Last shoots I did for 2015 - It’s been an exciting year for productions, projects, and personal creative ventures. These two sets of photos were from my most recent shoots, both were equally exciting and challenging. When 2015 started I made a pact with myself of exploring what else I could create outside the borders I’ve known. And I am proud to say that I’ve kept that promise. I know I have a long way to go but my progress this year did nothing but give me happiness, new friends, and experiences. I’m fortunate that people appreciate me for what I love doing and keeping my fingers crossed that the next years will be the same.
This blog’s been practically dead half of the year and since keeping promises this year has worked well for me, I’ll try to do the same here; I promise to try and keep this blog up and running. Besides, I owe a lot to Tumblr. It helped me discover my passion and has driven me to pursue it in a way I didnt even saw myself in.
I’ll try to manage what goes here, in my journal, and in my videos. A huge reason for this blog’s dormant is the sense of repetitiveness of content in my pov. Kind of a stupid excuse, I know, but I’ll work on it.
Hi Bianca! I read your post about the MIRCAT (I'm taking it in November) and I just wanted to ask what college you ended up choosing? :)
Hi Anon! (I'm late in answering, yet again)Im currently on my third year in Miriam, although I have some other tiny plans. But yes, going good as a junior in college. 😬
Ang Mga Kwento ni Lola Basyang by Ballet Manila - August 22, 2015
It was originally planned that we would watch with my grandmother but she insists on going since she says she’s seen this performance. Mom decided to push through despite of lola’s decision not to come with.
I was expecting a play with dialogues and character conversations on stage, but this one didn’t have dialogues. All three acts were performed through ballet. The set design was breathtaking, especially the costumes for Act II (Ang Kwento ng Tatlong Maria), my favorite was Act III (Ang Mahiwagang Byulin) because of how amazing the performers did with their body language. Imagine doing comedy with no punchlines! Crazy!
It was our first time to watch a production as a family and with our first being such a good show I think it’s safe to say that there’ll be a ton more left to watch.
Video taking and photos weren't allowed during the show so no photos of the show. I guess you’re going to have to see for yourself.
hi do you know where to get disposable cameras in manila? :)) love your work btw
Hi Anon! If you mean by disposable the ones where you have 20-30 shots of film with and literally have the camera trashed, PHOTO PRINTING SHOPS LIKE KODAK AND PHOTOLINE have those! Pretty much any photo printing shops as far as I know.
Unfortunately I dont have a specific go-to place for disposable cameras. But I know a place I’m pretty sure you’ve heard countless of times from photography enthusiasts - HIDALGO. It’s in Quiapo and it’s this one whole street blazed with cameras. You might go cray cray on where to go to first.
And remember, when in doubt - go online! OLX is the place to be (former sulit.com)
PANGASINAN AFTERMOVIE (2015) - There were pretty few photos taken during this weekend because I took most of my effort towards capturing things through video. Hence this lengthy aftermovie of our 3-day stay in Pangasinan.
It draws sepanx and extreme recall of what transpired over the weekend.
SERENDIPITY. That’s right, that’s the word that best describes what happened over the weekend of June 12th till the 14th. The first strike of luck was my parents allowing me to go somewhere as far as Pangasinan unchaperoned. It took the efforts of Jethro and her mom to have me come with. The bond and communication between mothers are unspoken. Haha!
I got to be somewhere I’ve never been to with people I never thought would come to make such wonderful marks on my summer (and hopefully the rest of the coming years ehe).
I felt a little unease at first, and we all agreed on this - quite curious if we’d all actually get along and not have divisions within the group. Counting in the idea that we’ve all never been an actual click. And holy hell, we couldnt have been more wrong with all these floating questions.
The car ride to Pangasinan was quiet first hour or so, and then everything started to fall into place. Quiet turned into hysterical laughter, amusing stories, and formation of inside jokes.
I cannot believe it all happened in a span of three days and two nights. In that short time, I created a new click that’s probably the most “serendipity” I’ve had in years.
I cannot put into words the happiness that happened in Pangasinan. There weren't as many activities as promised but that weekend was priceless nonetheless all because of a great company.
LYXEN - It was my first time to do an indoor photoshoot for a predebut. Most of my clients opt for an outdoor set up which made me extra excited for a shoot for a friend. She had her shoot in Heima in Makati. The place was lovely! Like a room decked up with Typo items. They were even selling a few pieces of Polaroid Cameras and films (had to snap myself into holding an SX-70).
It was interesting how it’s more challenging in this setup. The place was a little cramped, but dont get me wrong, it was lovely! I was just challenged creatively on how to play with a fixed environment.
I learned a lot from this shoot, like lighting and how important it is to pay attention to details (like what book she’ll be holding up, or what pattern is the chair she’s sitting on)
