All the ways Jaime Lannister didn’t die, according to the approximately 9000 fix-it fics on AO3:
all the rocks fell on Cersei instead
he got himself to the little boat and fucked off to Essos to be sad 😞
He got himself and Cersei to the little boat and over to Essos, and then he was like, “I immediately regret this decision” ( @chickren; @seethemflying )
Tyrion realized he was still alive during his angry cry and somehow got him out of the rubble with a bajillion unsullied still around
Tyrion realized he was still alive and stuck the golden hand on some other body to cover it up
Tyrion realized he was still alive and dumped his ass off in a castle in the middle of nowhere to keep him out of the way
Bronn wanted his money bad enough to pull his injured ass out of there and nurse him back to health
Davos sent his son to drop Jaime’s sorry ass off at Tarth
Davos personally dropped Jaime’s sorry ass off at Tarth
Pirates found him passed out by the little boat and let him hang around killing their enemies at sea
Pirates found him passed out by the little boat and sold him as a municipal slave in Essos, and King Bran was like, “cool, an unpaid internship, you’re hired” ( @kiraziwrites )
King Bran was like, “go save Jaime Lannister before he dies from rocks; I have a small council to fill and it’s easier to hire from my existing network”
He thought he was crawling out of the castle basement, but he accidentally time traveled to the future instead, and the unsullied thought they lost his body but were too afraid to tell Dany (this one is mine 😂)
He actually did die, but the gods sent him back in time to do it over again but not screw it up this time
He actually did die, like 4059583 times, in fact, but he keeps repeating the same weeks over again until he doesn’t screw it up this time ( @ladyinredfics )
Arya finds him alive and saves his ass because she’s still high on realizing revenge isn’t the answer
Brienne shows up and saves his ungrateful ass in a fit of rage
Brienne shows up and saves both his and Cersei’s ungrateful asses, and then is like, “why am I like this” ( @angelowl-fics )
He is spared, because Cersei threw him in the black cells when he tried to go North ( @aviss )
He is spared, because Cersei threw him in the black cells when he came back
He is spared, because he found out Brienne followed him to King’s Landing and he got distracted dealing with that whole sitch
He actually never came back, because Brienne knocked him out and threw his dumb ass in the jails at Winterfell until the war was over ( @ladyinredfics )
He actually never came back, because Brienne chased him after he left Winterfell and made him change his mind
He actually never came back, because he ran into Brienne’s dad on his way south and thus changed his mind ( @ddagent )
He actually never came back, because his horse threw him off on the road and he took it as some sort of sign
He actually never came back, because he swore his sword to Sansa Stark
He actually never came back, because he figured out Cersei was lying about the baby and then he was like, “wait, has she been lying to mE tHiS wHoLe TiMe?”
He actually never came back, because his new wife Brienne would be sad if he left her and the triplets she’s having in Winterfell to go die
He actually never came back, because he thought about going to help Cersei for like .5 seconds and was like, “nah, that’s a dumb plan”
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