The Dame

old lady back from the dead | fangirling as @Dame_Lazarus on AO3 and as other dames on various platforms

[dame-lazarus]

I’m seeing folks in a few of my fandoms getting a little too invested in their RPF of romantic leads on their shows coming true. Listen: you absolutely don’t want that. You’re thinking, oh it’ll be like Tomdaya. It’ll be like the Americans. It’ll be like True Blood. No. It’ll be like Alias, where the sexy chemistry of the two leads disappeared after they started dating and then you have to watch Vaughn pretend to be the father of Sydney’s baby with Ben Affleck, who she broke up with him for, a little dead behind the eyes the whole time. It’ll be like that terrible movie Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt did together after they were married. Ben Affleck and his 2x (almost) wife JLo were like negative hot together in Gigli. The couples will take their chemistry offscreen. They will get an outlet for the fun stuff and it will be off camera. And be careful what you wish for. Have you seen Dexter? Did you know Dexter ended up married to the woman who played his sister? You might think, ok but as AO3 shows, incest can be a little hot. And they were both adopted anyway! Well in the last season they made the attraction canon, and it was horrible. Most unsexy twist I’ve ever seen. RPF losing the F will RUIN the fun.

[spin-the-wheel-polls]

You have became this medieval role, how do you feel about it

you are in the medieval era and you have this role!

How do you feel?

great!! I love this

good!

It's okay

So bad. I hate this

This is similar to my real job!

Results/other

Voting ended onJul 18

[always-waxing-crescent]

the intricate brocade of this happiness, by waxing__crescent (rated t, hollanov, 10k)

But Ilya shakes his head, absolutely mute. There’s no universe, no universe where he can talk about this. He moved to America to forget.

[canwriteitbetterthanueverfeltit]

hey, tag this with a food people get really upset about you not liking

[ladypaperwriterson]

"You simply cannot trust Louis, he's a completely unreliable narrator and every single thing he ever said should be put to question! It's so good that we finally have Lestat's version, which is obviously the only true one - so good to finally have a reliable narrator!"

The reliable narrator:

[itsthenovelteafactor]

armand was genuinely so funny last episode like he’s planning out his apology tour and he’s like “okay let’s start with lestat…i will break into his trailer while he’s sleeping and everyone else is gone which won’t freak him out at all because i have never once been involved in the disappearance of his loved ones, and then i will read my apology letter which goes chronologically and doesn’t start with the murder of his daughter which is clearly the main thing he’s upset about and also our last interaction with each other and then i will tell him to stop making music that announces vampires exist even though i contributed to a book that also announced vampires exist and that he was one and included his full name and physical description and instructions on how to kill him that people have been attempting to do in my name”

[dame-lazarus]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Heated Rivalry (TV) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, David Hollander & Shane Hollander & Yuna Hollander Characters: Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, Yuna Hollander, David Hollander, Hayden Pike Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Suicide Attempt, Mental Health Issues, Angst with a Happy Ending, fic in documents, Texting Fic, Remix, Hurt/Comfort Summary:

shanehollanderhockeyplayer Being in top form is important for the longevity of any athlete's career. And that means more than just physical health. In consultation with my family and my personal medical team, I've decided to withdraw from the rest of the season to seek treatment for major depressive disorder. I wouldn't be doing right by the rest of my team by playing on a serious physical injury that could affect my ability to contribute to future seasons. The same goes for mental health. I'll see you back on the ice in October.

A remix/aftercare for scarlettroses’s excellent fic without you, without them

[tothecottage]

adopting the headcanon that shane loves lesbian culture like he doesnt get along with other gay men (which is something he has to dissect ofc) but he finds himself with a lot of butch friends.

a fun scenario in my head is him trying to find a café in ottawa where he can just chill out and not be hounded by people and he stumbles upon this little hole in the wall place called Rosies and its filled with lesbians but shane has no idea hes just there for a black coffee and a fucking break. maybe a slice of zucchini bread. but he starts admiring the woodwork of the interior and strikes up a conversation with the owner (the titular rosie) who is this like cool older butch lesbian and they swap numbers and rosie tells shane about her home diy club and shane is like Cool a new friend :) and hes also thrilled she didnt gaf that hes a hockey player

[dame-lazarus]

I couldn’t get any hot water for my post-gym shower. I decided to distract myself from how mad I am with fanfic for an hour while I wait for the water to heat back up. Within two paragraphs the characters are getting into a hot shower together ☹️

[feefal]

Oyster mermaid~

[feefal]

ah fuck, so sorry ma’am-

[dame-lazarus]

Dear Heated Rivalry fans…New York State is giant. NYC and Buffalo are seven hours apart by car. Buffalo is closer to Toronto than to New York City. However all of New Jersey, Philadelphia, and Long Island are 30-90 minutes away by car from NYC and there is a ton of mass transit linking them together. Also they all have their own hockey teams. (Long Island seems excessive as it feels like One Big NYC Suburb in all other ways but they are really up themselves out there)

[dame-lazarus]

This will be an unpopular opinion but I think a Goodreads style site for fanfic would be a good thing for fandom. It will become a mean cesspool in many cases, as is the real Goodreads, but will also silo off readers’ opinions to a place where writers could avoid them and give everyone an outlet for these thoughts

[shetheyshenanigans]

ik everyone headcanons Shane as having some twelve step skincare regime like Hudson Williams but I think it's infinitely funnier if noted jock Shane Hollander uses like. Bar soap. To wash his face

Or doesn't wash it at all, because "that's what the shower is for"

I'm imagining Ilya, who definitely has a hair routine at the least, doing some stupid GRWM video for social media, and Shane just wanders in, splashes his face and calls it a day, while Ilya is filming himself with a face mask and under eye patches.

[dame-lazarus]

his only skincare product is sunscreen because it prevents cancer

[sternfleck]

How it feels to be

[gayteensupreme]

"queer-owned business" means nothing anymore. OpenAI and Palantir are both queer-owned businesses.

[gayteensupreme]

if this is how you find out that both sam altman and peter thiel are gay im sorry

[dame-lazarus]

✨diversity win✨ the evil corporations destroying society are queer-founded and owned!

[asteroidtroglodyte]

Me, tears streaming down my face, sobbing, as I stare at the stars: it’s just so beautiful

The medieval peasant I went back in time to give a bag of Doritos to, concerned: what terrible and powerful sorcerers they must have in your age, to be able to veil the vault of heaven itself from view, as you say

Me, sniffling: I didn’t realize, I can’t, it’s so much, I, I… are the chips good, at least?

Medieval peasant, trying to make me feel better: they’re… magical, strange traveler

[milominderbindered]

frequently, secretly fond of each other.

| the hollanov boston raiders teammates au |

chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22

Shrugging one shoulder far more casually than he possibly feels, Ilya says, “I like both. Is secret, okay?” “Okay,” Hollander says. He doesn’t say anything else. The air’s so heavy around them that it feels like being in the middle of a scrum, the weight and heat of all those bodies pressing down on you. Danger always feels like hockey; it’s the most dangerous thing Ilya knows, except for this. Everything dangerous in his life involves men’s bodies and just how close he can get to them. Closer than he probably should.

Nobody knows why Shane Hollander dropped out of the 2009 draft at the last second, and a year later it stuns the whole hockey world when he's signed by the Boston Raiders. Having the two biggest stars in the league on the same line is great for Boston - but playing alongside their worst rival was never exactly in Shane or Ilya's plans. Especially not when staying away from each other starts to feel just as impossible as getting along.

[milominderbindered]

in honour of hr episode 6 'the cottage' i am here to deliver a my own emotionally intimate bottle episode, now with far more pain and anxiety but ultimately relief!! chapter twenty two