【 Brand new sounds in my m i n d 】

brandon badun. fifteen. sophomore at walt high. son of horace badun and not into stealing dogs. cat person, candle-lover, crafting geek, constantly dizzy and cheering from the bleachers. I'M WAITING FOR IT, THAT GREEN LIGHT, I WANT IT

[abrokenslate]

Pizza Hut Lounge in Park City, Utah by Aaron Richter

[tallyoaken]

Has anyone else been eyeing those high heeled Crocs? Not eyeing because I want to buy them, eyeing them because I need to know who to steer clear of. Anyone who invests their money in such a ridiculous shoe should be ostracized and that’s that on that. What’s your least favorite fashion trend? That one takes the cake for me at the moment.

[brandonbadun]

I don’t like being mean to anybody, but I feel like those are the kinds of shoes that must have been invented on a dare, you know? Like, I want to like Crocs beause of the customization you can do with the charms, but there are way less eye-poisonous ways of doing that. My real question is how do you feel about RompHims?

[liampctts]

“So, here’s the thing, as some of you might know I have a YouTube channel where I upload weekly vlogs, and since I’ve hit one thousand subscribers earlier in the year I’ve been thinking a lot about how I can make my channel grow. Here’s my question to you guys: besides vlogs, what kind of content do you like watching most on YouTube? If you have suggestions, please give them, so I can try to incorporate them in my future videos.”

[brandonbadun]

“I mean, I like watching crafting videos! But I’m not too sure how interesting your viewers would find me teaching you how to make friendship bracelets, I know its an acquired taste. Whatever people end up telling you they find interesting, though, I know you’ll manage to knock everyone’s socks off with! And if you need my help with anything, like I don’t know, holding the camera or fixing your lighting or being a cheerleader between takes to keep your energy up or even maybe being a cameo, I’ve got you!” 

[brandonbadun]

TEXT ✉ BRONTY

Monty: I'm going to get arthritis from cracking my knuckles instead. That makes me wish I could find even grosser words for you. Because! Girls are confusing and smell good.

Monty: I'm... kind of tall but not really. That's it. That's all I've got going for me.

Brandon: If that's what makes you happy! :D And if you find grosser words, let me know! I love it when you achieve things lol. Girls being confusing and smelling good isn't dumb, it's lovely, especially if they like you back, which they always could!

Brandon: I JUST TOLD YOU A BUNCH OF STUFF THAT'S GOOD ABOUT YOU, YOU HO.

[brandonbadun]

TWITTER 🐦OPEN

@shiverdews: Oh yeah so it looks like I'm playing Young Fiona in Shrek! My first musical this is so cool!

@brandonbadun: Congrats!!! Tbh I'm still shook that there's a Shrek the Musical at all O: What are the songs like? Is your costume going to be pretty?

[brandonbadun]

TEXT ✉ BRONTY

Monty: There is when they're working hard to do things that defy nature and make them have arthritis by like age 30! FUCK FINGER FIST IDK ANYMORE UGH. No, now I'm going to tell you all the time so I stop, liking girls is dumb.

Monty: I have definitely not adjusted well, where have you been the last 16 years, in Brandon-land?

Brandon: Maybe but it's worth it if they can do what they love! Not many people find success in what they love and if someone can it's worth all the arthritis in the world! THANK GOD, THAT WAS SO ICKY ALREADY. Liking girls is great! I'm better at liking boys, but girls are amazing - how could it be dumb at all?

Brandon: How have you not? You're healthy! You're super duper smart! You're not afraid to look at the world through a critical lens and make big grown up decisions! And you're funny! You're the total package!

[brandonbadun]

TEXT ✉ BRONTY

Monty: BALLERINAS FREAK ME OUT! They're too stretchy, it's not natural to be able to like, put your foot behind your head! THEY DEFINITELY DO, IS THAT A CHALLENGE? Stoooooop!!!! I'm never telling you if I like someone again because as soon as you know they turn disgusting to me and I don't want that!!!

Monty: It sounds like you're in denial to me. And people say I'M the badly adjusted one, sheesh. Optimism is one thing but that's like, next level.

Brandon: It doesn't come natural to them, silly! They work at it like crazy, and there's nothing freaky about hard work 😊 NOOO IT'S NOT A CHALLENGE, PLEASE DON'T SAY GROSS F WORDS. Oh, okay! If it makes it gross for me to know, don't tell me! You deserve so much love.

Brandon: People say you're badly adjusted? That's so rude! You've adjusted wonderfully ❤️

[brandonbadun]

TEXT ✉ LIANDON

Liam: FYI, nothing you do is ever weird! But honestly, I didn't have that much to do with it, the awesomeness was all because of you! Those costumes we wore were goals, honestly ✨ I'm just sitting here quietly hoping you'll be my dance partner for the rest of high school (and beyond), tbh, I can't imagine having more fun with anyone else.

Liam: What a coincidence, you've been on my mind too A LOT lately 😊 Which is why I kind of want to see you again? When are you free this week?

Brandon: The costumes were goals because WE were goals lol 😊 But ohmigosh, I feel the same way. I always have crazy amounts of fun but with you it's, like, another level and I never want it to stop.

Brandon: I'm free whenever you're free! If you're not going back to the castle, that is - I mean, I'm staying mainly in Walt, but I'm just - idk, whenever you're free, I'm there!

[brandonbadun]

Have you ever had an orgasm with a partner?

Not yet, cupcake! Which just means my best days are ahead of me!

[brandonbadun]

TEXT ✉ LIANDON

Brandon: Is it weird that I want to thank you again for the awesome awesome morp? Because I know it was a while ago but I haven't stopped thinking about it, or you 😄

[brandonbadun]

How often do you masturbate?

Let’s see! I have a hard time doing that with anyone else in the house, and when I do happen to be alone, I tend to head for the crafts instead, so I’d say not often at all! Hard to believe, I know, with how happy I am all the time, but what can I say? It comes naturally.

[brandonbadun]

TEXT ✉ BRONTY

Monty: Friends who don't mind the smell are friends who want to die from second hand smoke lung cancer, people who are friends with ash trays are stupid. WOW, THERE ARE WORSE F WORDS THAN FISTING. Well, it doesn't matter, I don't even know if I like her anymore or if I just temporarily lost my mind! THAT'S STILL LIKE... WEIRD AND TWISTING THE WORDS. GIVE ME AN EXAMPLE.

Brandon: Your leaps in logic are as entertaining as ballerina leaps are graceful, brava! NO THERE AREN'T, THE OTHERS DON'T INDUCE GROSS GROSS MENTAL IMAGES. Oh ): That's okay! Next time you'll know when you like somebody for sure and it'll be so so wonderful, you'll see!

Brandon: It's not twisting the words! And it isn't to lie, not at all. It's like... HMMM if my brain tells me that my dad doesn't love me as much as other dads love their kids? It just comes out of my mouth like my dad gives me more space to be myself, which is also true! Is that a good example? I think it works. Or it works for my brain anyway.

[brandonbadun]

TEXT 🙋 BROFIA

Sofia: Thank you for appreciating greatness, Master Badun. It's a pleasure to be acquainted with someone with such good taste.

Sofia: Sometimes all it takes is one person's opinion to sour an entire social gathering, but please don't pass that information on, I'd hate for people to realize I'm weak. Very happy! And I'll have Shray to keep me company at prom so it isn't as though I'll be alone.

Brandon: :) :) :) Likewise!

Brandon: But if that person is a doo-doo head, what does their opinion really matter? That's what I tell myself when people are less than nice. It doesn't make you weak, though! It means you're in touch with your emotions which actually makes you totes strong!

Brandon: ooooohhh, should I be singing Sofia and Shray sitting in a tree?????

[fayesporter]

It’s not unethical to make kiddos that I’m gonna babysit watch Eurovision performances with me, right? Like…I love my job and all, but I’m not going to be the only European missing out just so these adorable monsters can watch decade-old episodes of The Wiggles on sticky PB&J-covered DVDs. 

[brandonbadun]

I totes don’t think that makes you unethical at all! It just makes you European. If you do end up stuck watching The Wiggles out of obligation or something, though, at least that’s fun to watch too! The earlier Wiggles, anyway, not the newer stuff. It got strange when they recast. 

[brandonbadun]

TEXT ✉ BRONTY

Monty: It'll still have the smell linger, smoke's nasty like that. So he's fisting someone basically? It doesn't get any better no matter how you try to spin it. DON'T SAY OR DO ANYTHING TO HER! She didn't really react one way or the other. I think she was glad it was me and not like... someone weirder. But i don't think she was glad it was me. IT WOULD BE FAKE NEWS FROM YOUR FAKE HAPPY BRAIN.

Brandon: Then all the ashtray would have to do is find friends who don't mind the smell :) Or who have bad noses LOL. EW MONTY DON'T SAY THE F WORD PLEASE. I won't, don't worry! It just makes me antsy thinking we don't REALLY know what she's thinking about you. MY BRAIN DOESN'T LIE. SOMETIMES MY MOUTH WORKS TO MAKE IT COME OUT HAPPIER BUT THAT ISN'T A LIE, IT'S LIKE A WRAPPED UP PRESENT.

[brandonbadun]

TWITTER 🐦 OPEN

@tawnyo: If someone were hypothetically going to try to chaperone prom for reasons that concern literally no one, but doesn't wear dresses but doesn't want to get mistaken for a waiter again...what would one wear?

@brandonbadun: Avoid black and white! It's the most common waiter color-pairing and besides, you'd look so pretty with some color! #staybright #chaperonemorpinstead

[brandonbadun]

TEXT 🙋 BROFIA

Sofia: I've simply always spoken this way, I never learned any differently. I could have picked up lesser dialects from my peers, I suppose, but I didn't feel the need to 'adapt' to fit in.

Sofia: I actually think Boo seems quite knowledgable as far as social things are concerned; he and Pari are quite the popular duo. But I'm glad the temptation to go and be unwanted firsthand is eliminated by my desire to help out at prom all the same.

Brandon: I'm totes glad you didn't change your way of talking tbh! This sounds uniquely and interestingly you, and having a brand is sups important.

Brandon: Pari is popular! Boo is more of popular by association if you ask me, but even so, that doesn't make either of them an authority to speak for everybody! I know plenty of peeps that would love to party with you but 🤷‍♂️ if you're happy that's what matters!!