My auntie told me once, “when you’re sick and tired of being sick and tired, you will know”. I wish I could voice how tired I really am.. I’m tired of trying to convince someone that I truly do love them, just so they can love me. Like how does that work. I have to show you your worth so you can “try” to show me mine? I've been cheated on... Countlessly... I've been beaten.. I've been scared for my life at times.. I’ve screamed, cried, mentally abused, and conditioned to believe that I am worth nothing. I gave life for you, and you continue to take away mine. I destroyed my body at 20 years old... for you. This is not who I was when I met you. I was fearless, scared of nothing but the dark. I have lost everything that I was. I was sweet. I was kind. patient. understanding. I had my family. I had a true sense of love. I don't even know what that means anymore. The funniest part is its all my fault.. for 2 years you beat me to a pulp, choked me almost unconscious.. and now that I'm short tempered & violent it is all my fault. I cried all the time because you continued to hurt me.. my tears made you even more violent.. Now I don't drop as much as a tear, so therefor I am heartless and it’s all my fault.. I was clingy once, begged for your love and affection, I desired your touch every second of every single day.. Now I could care less if I am touched, kissed, sex or no sex I don't care anymore. I am not who I used to be. More than anything else I wish I could be that girl again.
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