Loss. That was the only thing that settled inside of her. Loss. Greif. Guilt. What if she had gotten to Kili sooner? What if she had seen the signs and ran to his aid? Would he have still died or would she have been able to save him? Was she strong enough for that? She was the strongest of the guard, there was reason she was captain but now, now she doubted that strength. How could she be so strong yet so unable to save not only Kili but the others? His brother, Fili. She could have stopped it. Both her and Legolas could have saved them but they were too late. She was too late. She knew his death was not on her hands, but it felt as such.
Thoughts of home had lingered in her mind. She had been through so much even before the battle had begun. She had saved not only Kili but the children and the others as well from the great dragon Smaug’s wrath. She knew that she would have to get them to safety, after all, there was no weapon that could pierce a dragon’s hide, that was until she saw it die. She watched as it’s fire deminished and the great Smaug came crashing down into the lake below, never to breath another breathe again. That was a sight she would never forget but only after did she hear those words, the words that cemented her feelings inside of her. They might have been spoken in his language but she knew them and in her heart, she understood them. She loved him and he, her. He made her a promise. He promised to return to her and yet, that promise was not fullfilled and for a hesitant of a moment, she reached for the token only to remember that he laid clutched in his hand in the ground with him, a lover’s kiss placed upon it’s smooth surface and her pain had returned in full force.
If it were possible, there would have been a light smile placed upon her gentle lips as he handed over the bag, she took it with ease, slinging it across her shoulder and realizing just what she was doing in that moment. The bag felt light, despite knowing that it was truly not. However, it was nothing more than a tool to her. A tool to keep the grief at bay. She did not want to face it any longer. She no longer wanted to deal with the pain that engulfed her body. The loss of her lover. Nor did she desire to let herself be swallowed whole by something that was so real and so short lived. The bag represented so much more than what it truly was for her. This was guilt but it was also greif. She watched her men, no, her friends lay down their lives in a battle they did not know would happen and she watched her closest allies die before her. Death was not unknown to her, yet, this time, she had felt as if she had never seen such a sight before.
"Indeed. A warrior’s death. They will
surely be welcomed at the gates of
Valhalla with a warm smile from those
that are waiting for them.”
There was comfort hidden behind her words, at least, comfort for an Elf. One did not die, they simply moved on to Valhalla where their loved ones and friends awaited their arrival but was it the same for everyone? Did Thorin, the Dwarven King, show up there? Did Fili and Kili find each other again in the after life or where they alone? Would she ever find Kili and her parents when that fateful day would finally arrive for her? And would Bilbo, the young hobbit beside her, be reunited with his friends when his time came? All questions that she knew would never be answered, nor would they ever be voiced in words, instead, she shifted the bag on her shoulder, keeping in pace with the other two.
"You are quite right. However,
they died for what they believed in.
None of them deserved such a tragic
ending, but I believe they will live on in
starlight and in memory.”