The scent of the sea salt air soothes my soul

This is just personal things I have learned while trying to navigate through the often muddy waters of this life. They have helped me, molded me, forced me to change things and my ultimate #1 thing on my Bucket List is to make even the smallest positive...

[bravewingz]

There are people over the years I was in love with. Not in the romantic way necessarily but in the reaching to the depths of each other’s souls way. Many years have passed but they still hold such a huge piece of my heart and soul. In times where my life felt like it was spinning out of control, specifically from addiction. They were the few you felt actually saw the real you, your potential. And while now you don’t talk so much . You still root for each other from afar. Sometimes wondering what could have been if you were a little older, a little wiser. Still ever grateful for them. And proud of who they’ve become and who you’ve become.

[bravewingz]

Food for thought

Superficial or lust whatever you chose to call it the fact is, it makes us feel something in the moment but leaves us feeling empty at the end of the day. Not to say that those feelings in that exact moment aren’t genuine just that they are short term. Fuses meant to fade out and away. Maybe it’s the extra boost you needed in that moment to feel wanted, to feel like yourself again. Maybe it’s the genuine want that it could have been something. Sometimes society has us thinking that if we just decide something or someone isn’t right for us we can’t be real about it. We worry about hurting one another’s feelings, as we should but it’s not selfish to want more. To crave something deeper than the surface. Sometimes people put on a good show and as you dig deeper you come to realize for you there isn’t anything below the surface. Then sometimes you meet someone and you have no idea where it is evolving too but you don’t feel anxious about that. Anxiety is a beast but when there’s a sense of calmness to something new, it just seems to settle. Try to listen to your instinct, your gut, the vibe you get whatever you want to call it. Somethings just flow, and naturally progress into something you wasn’t even aware was possible. That’s life. That’s learning to enjoy life on life’s terms. Whether it be dating, or jobs, or cities you live in. Learn from it. Grow from it. And Thank you, next.

[bravewingz]

I’ll just leave this right here. 🎤 drop https://www.instagram.com/p/BpGOp8Vj0TK/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1g1ajnv85lpx8

[bravewingz]

Addiction: it’s a tricky mf

I was relaxing today after someone asked when I finally figured out I was one of the “pretty people” and judged sometimes based on my looks solely and not for good reasons. Much like the negative stereotype addiction has, so does having good looks. It’s not such a good thing or beneficial. Okay so I know now you’re thinking I’m just being vain but honestly.

So I went on to tell him “oh I figured it out when blah blah..” thinking back now in hindsight I started to realize and get my confidence back when I stopped using. The very reason why I got high sometimes I’m the first place became a vicious cycle of self doubt, hate and shame.

Nowadays I am beginning to believe in myself looks and intelligence wise. I have genuine self confidence at work and in my personal life.

Which then I began to have the epiphany that all the racing thoughts about asshole men and worries about this and that were also all fueled by my addiction and the insecurities it ingrained in me. And also that those same asshole guys were just that asshole guys that were in active addiction too so well duh of course they use you and treat you like crap. Why wouldn’t they? They were too fueled by their addiction. It’s amazing how you can stop second guessing everything something someone does or doesn’t do when you are not an addict and you’re not surrounded by other self serving addicts.

[bravewingz]

You say I am amazing. I guess too amazing for you.

You say I am beautiful. I guess too beautiful for you.

You say I am strong. I guess too strong for you.

You say I am smart. I guess too smart for you.

You say I am pretty. I guess too pretty for you.

Just because I do not say anything. I am too much for you. I know how awesome I am. I guess too bad for you, you don’t.

[bravewingz]

I try my hardest not to talk about it anymore because I know no one wants to hear about it anymore. I pray every night to be the quiet girl no one pays attention too but I can’t ever seem to shut up and I don’t even know why. #imissyou #ripmyangelhusband #iwillalwaysloveyou #lifewillneverbethesamewithoutyou #iwillneverbethesame

[bravewingz]

#widowhood #grief #ripmyangelhusband #lifewillneverbethesamewithoutyou #iwillalwaysloveyou iwillmissyouforever #untilwemeetagain

[bravewingz]

#imissyou #ripmyangelhusband #iwillalwaysloveyou #lifewillneverbethesamewithoutyou

[bravewingz]

#wordporn Something about this just hit my soul #beautifuldisaster

[bravewingz]

Happy birthday my angel husband. This time last year we spent the day laughing trying to buy a new car. I remember you saying how much you loved how jealous people were of us because they could tell we were really in love. We had such a great day going to the Tippy Valley vs Rochester game. I hope you enjoyed your birthday as much as I did. I love you so much and it does not get any easier as time passes it just is different. I hope you are shining down on us and are as proud of me still as you were then. #ripmyangelhusband #imissyou #iwillalwaysloveyou #lifewillneverbethesamewithoutyou

[bravewingz]

[bravewingz]

[bravewingz]

Last chance to breathe

What do you do when your last chance at love and being loved was all a dream. You will recover but I won't.

[bravewingz]

Not enough

What do you do on those days when nothing ever seems good enough? We give into other finally. And Just when I start to think I am what you want, you blindside my by another thing I do wrong. My mind starts racing of course thinking about the accumulation of every time I've heard words of discouragement from you, from family, from friends, from society all the times come rushing back. Will I ever be good enough? Everyone tries to say that I shouldn't worry about what others think of me or my life but isn't it human nature and desire to please others and live cohesively? One day all those words will come crashing down on me I fear and I will no longer be able to withstand their weight and be strong any longer. Whomever said "...words will never hurt you" was entirely incorrect for words they simmer, they linger, they creep out of the darkest and furthest parts of your memory and hit you like a Mac truck. But I know I could never be angry at you for too long because it pushes me to be better. I cannot promise you though that one day I may finally just break not from your words but from the accumulation of years of just never being enough.

[leohearts]

I have a really big heart and I could have loved you with all of it, if only you had given me a little part of yours.

(via leohearts)

[girlinsightposts-blog]

[theliteraryjournals]

… and the more hurt she gets, the more venomous she grows.

Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights (via theliteraryjournals)