scatterbrained @breaathe-happy - Tumblr Blog

23rd of December

How did I know I loved him? I had to lose him. My love for him was not incontrovertible until I lost him. When he left my heart broke. I felt my heart ignite inside my chest and beg for water. I felt my ribs close in on the emptiness he left inside me. I felt him take the air from my lungs as he walked away. When he left, I felt nothing but the feeling of vacancy. This misery is what it took for my to be certain I loved him. when we were together, happiness permeated my body and warmth pervaded my bones. I thought this feeling was only euphoria, but after losing it, I knew it was something more. So as I sit here with blades in my soul, I am finally away that I was in absolute adoration of that man. And maybe if I would have told him that he wouldn't have left because now my head is suffused with ideas of how to acquire his love again, but I can't quite piece together the blue prints. You cannot make a person fell the same way you feel. Feelings that are not mutual can end a life. that's the way to kill yourself without really dying; desire someone who does not desire you. So you ask how I knew I loved him... I tasted the acidity of not being his.

My body was a temple until I let you in. You recited tantalizing curses rather than gospel and I was hypnotized. Because of you, my temple is now an empty warehouse with nothing but the memory of your black magic. My lips were a gateway for your toxin and my tongue was a platform for your lies. I've become bitter from the thought of you falsifying your love for my roots and using me only for the pleasantness of my fruit. Why did I let you in?

heart broken thoughts

multa--paucis

Almost is such a tragic word. I hate it. I hate the way it slips off my tongue and leaves a bitter aftertaste in my mouth. I hate the way it makes me think of lost lovers and cold nights and opportunities I let go of too easily. It’s too close to regret, it’s too much like should’ve, and it reeks of this is what could’ve been. Most importantly, it reminds me of him, and that’s the greatest calamity.

he has me hating words now // a.l. (via multa--paucis)